Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[serendipityricho]

Hi Tom--you have posted some good ones at one post a day.

----Might grab this years snipe--------------Richo.

[tommy.irene]

Hi Tom--you have posted some good ones at one post a day.

----Might grab this years snipe--------------Richo.

Its all yours ..

[tommy.irene]

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after 
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out 
to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very 
highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name 
of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the 
kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went 
to last night?'

[tommy.irene]

Im a 74 year old IRISHMAN..But I still think im 25

  
  Re: THIS IS FOR PEOPLE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR« Reply #3280 on: Today at 02:57:06 AM »Quote ModifyAn American photographer on vacation was inside a church in Oldham taking photographs when he ...

[tommy.irene]

An American photographer on vacation was inside a church in Oldham taking photographs when he notice...

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. ...

[tommy.irene]

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being 
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one 
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a 
suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the 
hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him 
to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing 
out of her hospital gown.'

[tommy.irene]

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted a boy drowning in the river. The man started shouting "HELP! HELP! I can't swim", a man passing by the road shouted back "Will you ever grow up! I also can't ride a bicycle but you'll never hear me yelling about it in the street"

[tommy.irene]

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

[tommy.irene]

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag. Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth. The snake's eyes glaze over and quickly go limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water.
A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his leg. He looks down and is amazed to see the same water moccasin with 2 frogs in its mouth.

[tommy.irene]

The full secrets to a happy marriage

Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have some good food, a little wine and companionship. She goes Tuesday and I go Friday.

We sleep in separate beds, hers in Watford mine in Somerset.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked her where she wanted to go for our anniversary, “Somewhere I haven’t been for a long time” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, an electric toaster and an electric bread-maker. When she said that she had too many gadgets, but nowhere to sit down, I bought her an electric chair.

Remember that marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right, I just didn’t know her first name was always.

I haven’t spoken to her for 18 months - I don’t like to interrupt her.

The last time we had a fight it was my fault. She asked “what’s on the TV?” I said “Dust”.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then, God created man and rested. Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has rested."