Would You Smack Someone Else's Child?

[icyfroth]

This topic came up on the Yumi and Sami Breakfast Show this morning. Usually I can't stand listenening to them and switch to another station after the mystery voices, but I found this interesting:

Yumi throws an Easter birthday party for her daughter whose birthday falls just before.

She invites a heap of kids. Hides heaps of easter eggs in the park opposite and on a signal, lets the kids loose to hunt for them.

This kid, whose bigger than the rest, races out before the signal and grabs all the eggs before any of the other kids can get them.

This happens several times. Yumi puts on her scary face, reprimands him, but he still does it. His parents can't control him either.

Yumi feels like giving him a smack.

Sami says no way, you can't do that.

Yumi says if there was an invisible bubble and she could've smacked him without any repercussions, she would have.

They asked for listeners to call in with their opinions.

Most said no way, one said yes, one said Yumi should have asked the parents to take action or take their child home.

I wouldn't smack someone else's child.

What would you have done?

[aspie*mum]

cruizin bob - using restraint is totally different to smacking.

When my child has a melt down, I will restrain her physically, to stop her hurting other people and/or herself.  

It allows her to scream but at the same time, be safe from harming other and herself.

If I was to smack her, the only thing I would teach her is that hitting is OK.

If I wrap my arms around her, and force her to sit on my knee until she calms down, I'm using restraint to keep her and others safe.  

If I was to smack her, I'd be using physical abuse to try and intimidate a child into doing what I want.

Once she has calmed down she is able to communicate with me the problems.  Smacking would ONLY exacerbate the problem.

Restraining a child (to stop them harming their self or others) whilst talking to them calmly and reminding them their "calm down techniques" and that I am there to help and that I love them, is VERY different to smacking a child.

[i-need-a-martini]

Pepe - I actually expected the parents to do something and was staggered that they didn't.

So in lieu of parents inaction what do you think I should have done?  Initially I only took hold of his arm to keep him at a distance but it was clear that the kid would have gone on kicking me until he saw blood. So then I pulled him on my lap thinking I could calm him (he was about 9 years old so at an age where you should have been able to reason with him) but he went wild. I had no choice but to hold him down cause if it wasn't me, he would have hurt others around him.

I don't think there was any choice.

[crystal**flake]

I would smack mine when they were in that melt down condition, they would stop then I could try to reason with them as much as I could at the age they were, it worked for me.

[*pepe]

i would probably have not told him what to do in the first place if it was as you said simply annoying.

but when he kicked me i would have taken him to his parents and told them to teach him some manners.

[i-need-a-martini]

i would probably have not told him what to do in the first place if it was as you said simply annoying.

So I continue to put up with annoying behaviour? I was on a table with my sisters kids and my own so annoying behaviour was the order of the night. What this kid was doing was out of the ordinary.

but when he kicked me i would have taken him to his parents and told them to teach him some manners.

He has parents that have never controlled him. He's been allowed to do whatever he wants and his behaviour is nasty. They would have let him continue. They would have ignored ME.

[azureline**]

I would smack mine when they were in that melt down condition, they would stop then I could try to reason with them as much as I could at the age they were, it worked for me.

A child in melt down, on the autism spectrum, is very different to a neurotypical child having a tantrum......you can't reason with them, smacking would have no effect at the time.

[bella_again]

Yumi's situation could have easily been rectified by approaching the parents or organisers to ask the boy to sit out of the next hunt.

As for restraining someone elses child you are not allowed to do that its assault.  If as a carer I was to do that without reasonable cause or permission I would be investigated facing possible charges.

As for smacking in the day and age we live in and in our changing culture it really doesn't have much of a place any more.  I think that smacking is one of many tools parents can use to discipline .  I don't think its abuse administered within the confines of a loving home but its not something I'd choose to do, there are so many tools available to us that if used it should be a last resort.

I know there are always parents who refuse to discipline their kids or a child that does what they want but I think its an opportunity for our children to learn how not to be.  Train your kids up to be loving and kind, to learn from the mistakes of others and they will grow up to be decent adults.

As for smacking kids with disabilities, why would you smack a child with autism for feeling frightening, overwhelmed and confused? They are not being naughty they just need to learn how to deal with sensory overload a different way.  That means you teach them strategies to cope, not whack them because its inconvenient for the public.

[**meep**]

no i would not smack another person's child, and woe betide anyone who raised their hand to mine.

oh and i have hidden eggs in a park for a treasure hunt - the kids had a blast, all the parents got a smile from watching their kids so excited.

Its one of my treasured memories of my kids younger years.

I can see how that would be fun, my concern is for dogs finding any chocolate that was left behind.

[purple.cow]

I'm going to stick my neck out here by honestly saying that there are times when I could cheerfully wring some kid's neck for them, but restrain myself from doing so, but also there are just as many times, if not more often, that I'd just as cheerfully wring the parent's necks for not controlling their little brat, but again I practise restraint lol.

Nothing is worse for other people than being forced to suffer the brattish behaviour of someone ele's out of control kid, but when any child is that far out of control it's usually because the parent is not so good at parenting (That's being about as diplomatic as I ever get lol)

Sure, kids need to be kids, and parenting is not an easy task, especially these days with all the 'politically correct' claptrap they are forced to contend with, but there are limits to every situation before things have gone too far.

I will never condone anyone knocking the carp out of any kid, but a short sharp slap on the backside now and then can have a far greater effect upon controlling a bad situation than a billion words ever will.

Does that make me sound evil? I think not, only practical.

[icyfroth]

Sounds about right to me.