You couldn't make it up.

[electric*mayhem*band]

GENUINE COMPLAINTS TO COUNCILS.

The following are all extracts from tennant's letters of complaints to councils and housing associations, throughout the UK.



I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his **bleep** wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. (Shades of Molly here). 

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

...it's his feeble excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

[tasfleur]

[boris1gary]

[mugssy65]

I think most of those could have been written by my Northern relatives. Nuffins as queer as them folk.

[1966kelso]

[freddie*rooster]

I bet the mods have saved these LOL

[electric*mayhem*band]

......and these from UK Doctor's medical notes:

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

Patient was seen in consultation with Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, I agree.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1997.

Patient has waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

When she fainted her eyes rolled around the room.

Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities

[*crikey*mate*]

I bet the mods have got a whole collection of corkers of their own from the boards, Freddie

[katymatey*]

Thanks for the laugh. I read a couple but will have to read the rest later, my OH is looking at me funny. 🙂

[lis351]

LOL! at the medical notes