Being judged, repeat, repeat

[buyingandsellingmandy]

Hi

I was a newcomer to this site and I came for help. Some of you were very respectful, helpful, investigated a few things for me.

But, there were alot of people that were critical of me in so many different ways.

I had come to this site for help, that's all I wanted, help to prove I had paid for an item.

Some of you were down right mean.

More than not, alot of people were very critical over and over again. If I made a mistake, then I got criticised for that. I want all of you to read all my responses to my very first question on this sight.

If a person comes to this site for help, be respectful from the very beginning. They need yr help, not anything else.

One person i nearly reported.

I was constantly being bombarded about anything I had to say, in the end, that wasn't the help I needed. I don't know how old some of these people were, but to me, it's not funny when u need help to be criticised all the time.

If I had not won my case, I would of left ebay for another site. To the person who was so rude from day one, you need a lesson in how to talk to females. Coz yr really bad at it.

For a person to have this sort of experience, very first time, your getting a bad reputation.

I showed alot of people your responses, friends of mine, people in the street, random people I didn't know, just wanted to see what other people I didn't know thought.

Only the people that were helpful got a mention. Others that were critical, well, your site is getting a bad reputation, because of you're responses.

You can say, now I'm being critical, yes I am, coz if I don't tell you, someone else will eventually.

I think age might have something to do with it. Some of you sound like teenagers.

A little respect goes a long way in this life.

Most people I spoke to said, I'm never going on there to get help. I said, are you sure u wouldn't if u were desperate like I was for people's help? Response, not in a million years was a common answer.

All I asked of each person was, can u read this, tell me what u think, nothing more.

How many people did I ask? All the people that live in my court, parents, teenagers alike, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. Then I went to my town shops, I know most shop owners, local people. Same reaction.

If this makes u all angry, well, it hasn't sunk in yet, the reality of it all.

To those that helped me, a big thank you, it was very rare, but, I did notice you.

[springyzone]

But, there were alot of people that were critical of me in so many different ways.

I had come to this site for help, that's all I wanted, help to prove I had paid for an item.

Some of you were down right mean.

Yes, that can certainly happen on this board at times, where someone new comes on and may get quite a few crotchety or blunt replies and I can understand the hurt you might feel if this is your first time on a messageboard if you felt a lot of posts were unfriendly.

The thing is quite a few of the people here are regulars and have seen a lot of the same sorts of questions pop up and they  will often give the brief reply or something along the lines of 'why on earth did you do this or that' etc. I think it comes of frustration.

But on any ublic messageboard, you'll always get a mix of characters and the thing to remember is your experience won't be exactly the same each time. There are regulars as I mentioned but which threads they jump into will vary.

Usually though, somewhere in the replies, even if some are blunt, there will core information. It may not always be passed on in the gentlest manner but it will usually be there. That's what you have to look out for.

Information that will help solve your problem. 

How many people did I ask? All the people that live in my court, parents, teenagers alike, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. Then I went to my town shops, I know most shop owners, local people. Same reaction.

If this makes u all angry, well, it hasn't sunk in yet, the reality of it all.

I don't think most members will care.

You have to remember, we are none of us under our real names, we're just people on a messageboard.

I think most members would just feel bemused you felt you had to print it out and pass it on to semi strangers. I personally could understand you maybe showing family and friends but I doubt most shopkeepers would be that interested.

You could show most people in your town and I doubt it would have much impact on ebay or on the board here. It's a relatively small board and not that many people pop in, a small minority of ebay users.

Overall, I would say most members here are decent people and will try to give a bit of help where needed but you won't necessarily pick up on that with one post, you'll get more of a feeling for the help if you hang around and read a lot of posts over time.

[papermoon.lady]

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@springyzone wrote:

I personally could understand you maybe showing family and friends but I doubt most shopkeepers would be that interested.

You could show most people in your town and I doubt it would have much impact on ebay or on the board here. It's a relatively small board and not that many people pop in, a small minority of ebay users.

Overall, I would say most members here are decent people and will try to give a bit of help where needed but you won't necessarily pick up on that with one post, you'll get more of a feeling for the help if you hang around and read a lot of posts over time.

You said what I wanted to say, springy, but I was afraid to say it in the wrong way. To talk about personal problems with strangers can be a double-edged sword. Some might show some fake support but only very few will really care.

There are boards and groups designed to offer support to people who think they have not been treated well (apart from family and friends, as you say).

Total strangers usually don't care much, even if they won't say so, although I don't know where the OP lives. Maybe she lives in a town where people are really supportive. If she lives in a place where people really care and are supportive of each other, she is really lucky.

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[springyzone]

The thing is, what is on any board changes in time. I can vividly recall many years ago, maybe around 1999, we were with a company called (I think) austar blue. It had a metro board and a regional one.  One evening, I looked at posts on the regional one  and quickly clicked out. It was full of fighting and I thought-perhaps that's a teen board. I went onto the metro board and it was okay but months later I sneaked a look at the regional and it looked great, lots of interesting topics, so in I went and there I stayed as it was much livelier and in fact I am still in touch with a couple of people there, one has become a friend & we have been on several holidays away together with our husbands. The board closed but almost everyone on it transferred to an English board.

So it can be hard to judge a board on one or two threads.

I'm personally sorry when I see some newbies get short or unfriendly replies although I have been guilty myself of doing it. Sometimes it is just frustration.

But on the whole I think most boardies here do try to help and it is a great place to seek advice.

[papermoon.lady]

Sometimes people might perceive situations in a certain way because they are stressed out. The OP was a bit stressed out about that seller (I looked at that thread), and maybe she was looking for some sort of emotional support too, but there were also people who did try to help.

[4channel]

You have an even take on things sprigyzone but at times you can be too nice. That can be a good thing too. It keeps folks on the track. Sadly though there are some things that you don't see due to being elswhere. I won't go that much into it but there are a small band of people here who enjoy attacking others and will look for any thing in some people's post that they can latch on to. And when there's nothing, they invent something or trawl back on what someone has posted to bring it into the current picture to discredit. I have had that and I have seen this done to some others. There is bullying that goes on here and there are grudges held as well. This translates into the attack. How on earth people come together to cooperate in some kind of nasty narcissistic behaviour for enjoyment just goes beyond my comprehension. Life has many more rewards than that. 🌴🌴🏖🏖🌴

The OP, buyingandsellingmandy may be a bit on the sensitive side.  A possibility .. .. .. Sure! And maybe she committed the unforgivable crime / sin here of not listening to advice.  However, I agree with her about the treatment. It wasn't good and it was unwarranted. Anyway, all I say now s that certain people will act a certain way when there's keyboard and thousands of kms of cable between them and the target person ⌨️, but they won't do that when they're in a real life discussion.

[repentatleisure1952]

I posted on that thread & so did you.

Did you see the feedback exchange between the OP & the seller?

That was only acknowledged by one other poster & it showed an unhinged buyer & seller.

At no pont was the OP aatacked or bullied.

[imastawka]

I also posted on that thread  (and just wasted an hour re-reading it)

I, apparently,  was accepted by the OP as a 'helpful person'.

She replied to me many times.

I also don't see that she was attacked and/or bullied.

But it's all in the perception, isn't it?

Advice was given and ignored as she tried to get her point across.

The problem was, it was a perceived problem and not an actual one.

She felt as though the world was against her at that time.

And there was no convincing her otherwise. 

Everyone tried, and got frustrated in the trying.

OP, you need to get a thicker skin to come to these boards, and I mean that in the nicest way I can say.

Brooding for 10 months on a perceived problem can be harmful to your peace of mind.

Showing everyone you know or are acquainted with, shows it already has.

[*sons_and_daughters*]

I don't know who these "keyboard warriors" ( my words, not yours) are, but from what I've read of the few posts I've seen you post on the buying and selling forums, you seem to be somewhat of a bully yourself. In the few months I've been here, I have been welcomed with open arms by pretty much everyone. Apart from your posts, I've not seen bullying or harassment. You seem to like sticking the knife into others and I think that is not called for most of the time. Please treat others with respect.

I read posts back to almost 3 years before I started posting, as I wanted to know the lay of the land, and I like to educate myself. Apart from you, I have not seen anyone "attacking" anyone. Only you trying to be some kind of super hero, that loves to spruik things like "free speech" (which you should probably know is a US thing, not other countries, especially Australia). Not to mention you running others into the ground, even if you don't mention their name.

I find it "unforgivable" that you can say that Springyzone isn't helpful due to "being elsewhere". From what I have seen, Springyzone gives factual information when she posts. She doesn't have her head in the clouds like yourself. Are you saying she's a nutter because she's "elsewhere"? Exactly where is "elsewhere"? I would listen to Springyzone's advice before yours. At least she has a grip on real life.

[springyzone]

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@*sons_and_daughters* wrote:

I find it "unforgivable" that you can say that Springyzone isn't helpful due to "being elsewhere". From what I have seen, Springyzone gives factual information when she posts. She doesn't have her head in the clouds like yourself. Are you saying she's a nutter because she's "elsewhere"? Exactly where is "elsewhere"? 

Thanks tippy for your defence of me but it is okay, I am not upset. I took 4channel to mean that I miss some threads or are not in them. That's true enough, I don't read every post.

I do feel for Mandy in that it is sad to think she has been upset about this for nearly  a year. Hopefully she will feel a bit better now she has had  a chance to read how other people feel too.

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[4channel]

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@*sons_and_daughters* wrote:

I find it "unforgivable" that you can say that Springyzone isn't helpful due to "being elsewhere". From what I have seen, Springyzone gives factual information when she posts. She doesn't have her head in the clouds like yourself. Are you saying she's a nutter because she's "elsewhere"? Exactly where is "elsewhere"? I would listen to Springyzone's advice before yours. At least she has a grip on real life.

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Reply: Welcome back old friend! 🌴🌴🌴 🍸

You're mistaken. I didn't mean that. I mean, I never said that! When I said . . . .  . . . .  "Sadly though there are some things that you don't see due to being elswhere",  I was referring to the fact that springyzone isn't always in the forum. There are posts she doesn't get to see. She has a life obviously and even though one of our regulars, she would miss a few that I have seen.  I have a great amount of respect for her as she is very even minded, educated and intelligent. She's helpful and she should be regarded a role model to some other folks here. Even chameleon54 the other day commented on her being very well-balanced. Sometimes though, on certain issues, we disagree. That's just the way it is.

Oh and I didn't say "keyboard warriors" . They wouldn't be that ... even.

Quote: " Are you saying she's a nutter because she's "elsewhere"? " , how can this be? Being in another forum and not getting a chance to go though every post or thread doesn't make her a nutter! It just makes her being in one place but not another.

Quote: " I would listen to Springyzone's advice before yours. At least she has a grip on real life." Hey, you might have a point there. If we were to write out a list of helpful things, tips and hints on life and political things etc., I'd say springyzone may  would have  a few more than me. I in fact may "listen to Springyzone's advice before " my own in some circumstances.

Now with this thread and my part in saying I understand what the OP is saying etc., well I believe I do. And look *tipping-point*, I'm not saying that this is the place to give over-sympathetic treatment to buyers. I get that. But there are some people who have had real bad experiences and believe me, I could share a few. A little bit of understanding and courtesy goes a long way I think.  And it has been lacking. Some respected members besides myself have mentioned some pretty bad stuff going down in this forum. And that's the last thing a distressed or confused buyer needs.

Peace

☮️