Here we have for sale the green monster that can only be Phil and
Teds. I shall be glad to see it leave my premises and never return.
This was purchased against my wishes many years ago as I never wanted
any children and a buggy signified my wife's intent to have children.
We argued much and this buggy signifies everything that ended my happy
carefree low cost child free life.
This buggy clearly meant she intended to have not just one but
multiple children and the extortionate price of this buggy will stay
imprinted on my brain till the day I die. I have bought cars that cost
less than this buggy. My dad once bought a house that cost less than
this buggy.
Anyway as you can tell I hate the buggy. I now have 3 children, and a
Labrador and am forced to endure the school run where women I dont
know try and discuss the price of centre parc holidays, and the
benefits of the micro over the mini micro scooter. To summarize my
life is over and this green albatross needs to go round some other
poor sods neck.
On the positive none of my three children were stupidly fat, but its
been driven by my wife a lot so not all good. During its lifetime its
had pretty much every bodily fluid known to science, (and several that
have yet to be discovered) chucked over it by my children, Its also
absorbed its own weight in Ellas Kitchen meals, and mud.
I have tried to maintain this item as best I could and the wheels were
filled with green slime to prevent punctures, and WD40 has been used
with gusto on the relevant parts. It even comes with what I lovingly
refer to as the Cinderella attachment for the second child you have
but dont love as much as the first. It means they can sit but cant see
anything, and have a ride thats about as comfortable as a Ford Model T.
All of my children are now walking (often in completely the wrong
direction) but someone else deserves to give this a good home. Over
the years I have collected spare bits from other zombified fathers who
were once full of life and I will throw these in as well.
According to the other half she has the baby carry item that came with
this and the pannier bags (whatever they are) but she never used them
and they are immaculate and will be listed when she conquers her fear
of heights and gets into the loft.
This buggy has never been used for dog sledding, racing, or buggy
bumper cars, although I once used it to concuss a randy Alsatian that
tried getting amorous with my lab.
There are many adverts on here for immaculate models and these people
are all liars and scoundrels as nothing that comes into contact with a
young child is ever immaculate.
So for a starting price of just £9.99 you too can screw up your life.
There are programs for those of you who need to recover from drugs or
alcohol. Any money generated from this sale will be used to help me
recover from children (and probably involve drugs and alchohol)
So spend big - its for a good cause...
Collection only from SO31 7FB - Cash on collection is fine. Your
welcome to come and view it or take samples for further scientific
analysis...
