Cat_mioux's new home

[cat_mioux]

:^O

[cat_mioux]

gemboy

Thank you for following my journey (and silently applauding). It helps. 🙂

Remember when Mr Ex went through his 'breakdown'? Everyone, including me, thought he was having some kind of meltdown. But he wasn't. It was just a ploy to deflect my anger and turn it into pity so I wouldn't a) express my anger towards him for suddenly wanting to leave and b) distract me from finding out the real reason (his affair) and c) if/when I did find out about his affair he could plead insanity.

Mr Chuk may be depressed but that may also have nothing to do with why he has asked Ms Chuk to leave because he wants his 'space'. If he was truly heading for a breakdown there would be signs - i.e sleeping too much, sleeping too little, using alcohol, drugs, not going to work ...

Yes he seems 'all over the shop' with his comments to Ms Chuk but that may also be to keep Ms Chuk worrying about him, caring for him. Some men like to have their cake and eat it too, meaning - he'll get his 'space', he can date other women, but also have Ms Chuk as a backup plan just in case his new single life isn't what he thought it would be.

I know I'm assuming a lot, I don't know Mr Chuk. But I've learned a lot through my situation over the last 2-3 months.

Ms Chuk needs to focus on herself.

[mainecoon1]

Hi Cat I have also followed your journey and silently wished and still do wish, you luck and a happy life but I agree with what Gemboy says.

Your husband deceived you by the pretence of depression but not all do.

I don't like being personal on the boards but if it helps Chuck I will.

14 years ago my husband did the same thing to me as chucks partner is doing to her. He looked me in the eyes and told me he no longer loved me or wanted to be near me, and he hated his life, job etc.

He was very depressed but this did not change his eating, sleeping or drinking habits he did not eat, sleep or drink any more or less, he did see a doctor and was told he had depression. Due to circumstances we had to continue to live in the same place him in the spare room.

After many months of ups and downs and much hurt and heartache arguments and then finally just sitting down and talking he finally told me he hated this job and did not want to work any more he needed a break but as he was the major wage earner he felt we could not afford to pay bills, motgage if he left.

It took me 1 second to tell him to leave his job that we would cope with my wage. I would do anything to save our marrage as he was my best friend and I loved him dearly.

After leaving his job things stated to change as he felt he had a say in his life again not that I ever smothered him but he alway felt it was his responsability to look after us both.

It took a long time for us to get on the right track again but we started off by just being friends again.

One day I came home from work, when I walked through the front door he gave me a bunch of flowers told me how much he loved me and asked me to marry him which was a dream come true even though we had been married for 12 years by then. I don't think he ever stopped loving me he just lost sight of "us"

Not all man give up there marrage for another woman, mine never had another women he was just depressed and put to much burden on himself.

I am glad to say that today is our 24th wedding anniversary and I love him more than the day I married him.

Due to this experiance we have learnt not to take each other for granted and most important of all to talk to each other. Don't get me wrong we can still have some heated arguments but we don't lose sight of "us" after all no marrage/partnership is perfect.

One common thing I have found when reading this thread is that it seems to be the 10 year period where us girls seem to end up with discontented partners.

Chuck I don't know if my story will help you, cat is right you do need to focus on yourself but you also need to try and talk to your partner and find out exactly what is wrong in his life.

If he has another women then so be it there is not much you can do but if like my husband he does not and he has clinical depression he will need your help and support even if he does not see it now.

It might feel like you are hitting your head against a brick wall and it might not save your relationship but at least you know you tried and did not just walk away when he needed you most.

It took 2 years for us to get our marrage back on track as depression does not go over night, he still gets bouts now but I am getting better at reading them

The sad thing about depression is that everyone is different.

Chucks huge hugs to you and I hope things will work out for you.

Hugs to you as wel lcat and all the other lovely ladies on this thread.

Sorry for the scroller

[cat_mioux]

Hi maincoon 🙂


I'm very happy you and your husband were able to work things out and build a stronger and deeper relationship. :-x

[mainecoon1]

Thanks cat

You come over as a very strong person with a family and friends that love you.

I am sorry things have not worked out for you in your relationship but with all the support you have received from this thread as well as the old one and your faith you are probably the richest person I know.

Looking at all the posts on this tread even at the expense of your own pain and honesty you have helped so many ladies come to turns with their own issues.

Hugs to you cat I will now go back to what I am comfortable in discussing and that is my cats. I can talk the hind legs off a donkey when it comes to them:-p

[cat_mioux]

Thanks cat

You come over as a very strong person with a family and friends that love you.

I am sorry things have not worked out for you in your relationship but with all the support you have received from this thread as well as the old one and your faith you are probably the richest person I know.

Looking at all the posts on this tread even at the expense of your own pain and honesty you have helped so many ladies come to turns with their own issues.

Thank you mainecoon. :-x

[cat_mioux]

I think the greatest advice given to me at the beginning of my situation, by my Buddhist teacher and I believe, some CS members was:

You are not his counsellor. You cannot fix him. He has made his decision and he needs to learn the consequences for himself. You cannot rescue him.

[my2cuddlycats_not]

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to all.

[tende60]

I hope everyone's day is a good one. :-x

[neuf.lives009]

.
OMG Chuk 😮 ((((( hugs )))))... I can hardly believe it !!

I haven't been in here for a while, so have only just caught up on your sad situation.

I've read most of the advise given.... & these ladies in here are brilliant & always here to help., so you're in the right place.

However., My advise for now is a little different.

I wouldn't be rash....
..it's obviously not you... it's him.. he needs help & obviously some space as he says.

So, No, I wouldn't pack up and leave, I would just pack a bag and take a break.
I know you have one sister that you love dearly.... could you not go to her for a week or so.?

I'm thinking maybe the break is what is needed, that way you can easily go back if he can sort himself out.. (seems to me that's what you really want) ....and it could well work out.
I wouldn't throw 20 years away without giving it a chance.

But if you take the break, let him know you won't be contacting him until your return., so that he has time to think too.

I don't think it can hurt at this stage & will give you time to sort out your thoughts ....& you'd have great support from your (nice) sister :-x

Meanwhile., I hope you're holding up a little better today.
Please remember to look after yourself.. verrryy important !

♥♥♥♥♥

[lostalot]

sorry to hear about you chuk
just remember , you will be fine and ultimately better off

anyone heard from cristinaday, she dropped her news then I havent seen her on the boards since , hope you are ok cristina
and all the others that have or are going through the emotional mill

YOU WILL SURVIVE xxx