Cat_mioux's new home

[cat_mioux]

:^O

[cynthecowgirl]

The thing you have to realsie chuk is that this isn't something they've decided on the spur of the moment. They've been thinking abou thtis and giving it consideration for some time. They've had time to adjust to the shock of their feelings and process their feelings and figure out exactly how they want this to pan out.
We haven't.
By the time were let in on the goings on, as far as they're concerned, it's all a done deal. It's processed, it's dealt with, it's done.

It's like they live in Victoria and we're in WA. The sun has set in Victoria and their ready to put things to bed/rest. But for us in WA the sun's still high in the sky and there's things to work through and do before it's rest time for us. Allow yourself time to work through things and allow for the sun to set in your world. Until you allow yourself to do that you'll never be able to rest and look forward to waking up to better brighter days.

[the_great_she_elephant]

Chuk, many years ago my youngest son died at the age of two. My heart hurt in exactly the same physical way that yours does, and like you I felt I no longer had a future. I also had this strange guilty feeling that I was somehow supposed to hurt - that allowing myself to be happy again even for a moment, would be a betrayal of my love for him.

As the months went by, however, I began to realise that in fact I had a choice. Alan was gone, nothing could bring him back - I could spend the rest of my life hurting and crying and 'honouring' his memory with my misery, but he would still be just as dead.

But I was alive - I had 50 or more years of life ahead of me and it was up to me to choose the way I spent it - 'beating myself up over something I could not change or learning to be happy again. I chose happiness.

It didn't happen overnight - it was two steps forward and one step back for several years. But I plodded on, just putting one foot in front of the other, until in the end I crawled out of what I call my black bog.

Now the pain has gone: my memories are happy ones and I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude to God, Fate, the Universe, or whatever power it was that brought this precious child into my life and gave me two years of indescribable love and happiness.

[cynthecowgirl]

Beautifully written she ele.
Life is all about choices. I'm glad you made the choice to live. I always say to people, "don't waste your time being sad when I die, get on and enjoy your life, that's what'll make me happy.

[taft1952]

Morning She

No child should die before it's parent . But at least you had others to care for. I hope they led you to happiness

[cat_mioux]

OMG I am so proud of the women who come to this thread. Those who come to open their hearts and share their pain and suffering with honesty and those that offer incredible words of wisdom born from their own suffering and recovery and those that come to post a pic that can make us laugh, those that offer a simple hug and a caring word...

I am so proud to be a part of this.

Chuk please come to this thread every day if you can. We are here for you. And trust us. The pain will ease. What if this situation was to bring you the most incredible happiness in the future? What if everything that is happening to you now is part of a greater plan?

Things I have learned so far: I am way more stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am learning clarity and wisdom. I am learning to trust The Universal Life Force. I am learning to take refuge in my Buddha Nature (Higher Self/God). I am awe struck by the compassion and generosity of others and I hope to pay it forward.

Look at the wisdom of just two women who have posted in response to you Chuk, cynth and she-ele. Two women who have suffered greatly in the past. Listen to their wisdom. They earned it.

:-x

[cat_mioux]

I have to tell you that during my darkest moments when I thought I would lose my mind I would come to this thread and read everyone's posts and imagine you all formed a circle and I was holding on to you all for dear life.

I could feel the energy being sent to me, strength, warmth, courage and I made a conscious decision to embrace it.

Chuk, sending you lots of energy for you to hold on to.

[bizzylizzy_daisy]

from reading this thread, i can see how far i've come.....hard to stand back and look at yourself while in it, but easier when you see others going through it and know thats where you've been.......over time it does get less stressful, takes time, work and support....huge strength to all going through it♥
CAT, I am carving/whittling you something small but meaningful, but it is taking me forever, will get it to you asap.....sleep well cat♥

[Anonymous]

hugs for those who need them

chuk:-x

happy easter every one !

[cynthecowgirl]

And chuk, you're not stupid for thinking 20 years was worth fighting for. It was to you and do you know why? Coz that's what you do when you love someone, you fight tooth and nail for them. You do anything for them.

You deserve that same respect and love in return and if you accept second best then that's what you'll get. All the time. People will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you, so stand up for yourself and start expecting to be treated just as you deserve to be.

Time to start thinking of yourself as a you, not an us. Time to start looking out for yourself and putting yourself first. You do what makes you happy. I know you want him, but at the moment he doesn't want you. I don't know why and you most certainly don't know why. You can sit around all day and beat yourself up trying to find that answer, but you can't and you know why? Coz it's not your question to answer, it's his. You can't change anything to do with him. You're not responsible for anything with him. You're only responsible for you. Stop beating yourself up trying to sort out his issues. Only he can do that and you'll just send yourself mad trying. I know coz I tried to do that to and it wasn't until I had a good talking to myself and accepted that he was responsible for his problems, not me, that I was even able to start beginning to move forward.

When things happen then ask yourself, is this his issue or mine. If it's his then let it go, if it's yours then work on it, but know and start to accept that .

You've GOT TO start sorting yourself out and keep your own heart happy and your own mind sane because if he does happen to want to come back and try and make you'' an us'' again then you'll need to be strong an ready to work hard at getting back to where you want to be. And if he doesn't then no harm done because you'll be well on your way to lord knows what's ahead.

[primaryaim]

Though I don't post often I read here every day. Cat, you are so right, this is a very special thread.

Cat re the reunion. Don't forget, regardless of how wonderful their world looks on the outside, deep down they know they cheated and 'they know' they are emotional cowards and 'they know' they hurt people. They have to live with that.

You on the other hand, can take the high road of life and walk tall. You may not be walking with the man you thought would have by your side, but that man does not exist any more and who wants to walk with a ghost!

She-ele, I also have lived what you lived. The physical pain is real. I also felt lost, without a future and 'guilty'. Every time a happy thought or a moment where I didn't feel grief crept in, I felt like I was betraying my darling daughter. But as you said, over time it eased. Commonsense seems to unconsciously creep in.

Chuk, These events change us. Those who survive with some form of normality do so by allowing family, friends and colleagues to gather around with support and love and an acknowledgement that time and a willingness to move forward and be positive, will be the healer. Don't use anything to cover up your pain.

In the depths of despair there IS no light at the end of the tunnel but as the posters here assure you, the time will come when you start to heal and feel less angst, but it takes time so you have to have the mindset of 'one day at a time'. I am very sorry you have to leave your pets behind but maybe some miracle will happen and you find you can take them with you.