Cat_mioux's new home

[cat_mioux]

:^O

[cat_mioux]

Hi everyone :-x

I went to work yesterday and 6 mins after starting I got up and left. :^O

I said I was feeling ill but honestly I think I'm just emotional and exhausted. Really exhausted. I've lost all my energy. A friend was taking me out to lunch today but I had to cancel. I'm dragging myself from bed to computer, I'm on the verge of tears. Meltdown? I haven't chanted for a couple of weeks now.  :_|

I'm seeing my Chiropractor/ Acupuncturist tomorrow. I think he can do more for me than a GP.

This time last year was a nightmare.  I was living on the edge, Mr Ex was being appalling. I was counting down the days till he left but there was no guarantee he was actually going to leave. He was talking to his skank on his mobile in front of me, he was

oh blah blah .. I can't wait for this aniversary to be over. If I can just get past this first aniversary.

I had a dream last night I was married to some guy but there was no connection. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I sure as hell don't want to risk being with someone again either.

I read the beginning of this thread last night, up until Feb 14th. OMG you guys really kept my head above water. That was amazing. I guess reading the thread has brought it all back.

I need some of Jacks 'get back up again' attitude. :-x

[cat_mioux]

Oh crap

I think I know what's happening. Valentines Day is triggering all those bad memories.

Skankyho was particulary needy VD last year. She kept phoning him all day (he had a twinkly sounding ring tone specially for her).

I got dressed up to get ready to go on a Valentines date (my daughter but he didnt know that) and when I walked past him, looking and smelling fine, he looked up and followed me into the other room and asked me if I wanted take out for dinner. WTF! He made me want to puke.

I'm so angry .. I want to rip Valentines Day up and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. I HATE VALENTINES DAY. I want to tell these star crossed lovers  "he's probably cheating on you".  And don't tell me "oh he would never cheat on me".

I thought the same thing. He was telling me he loved me and bought me roses while soxing his skank. He used to tell me cheaters were low lifes!

breathe breathe

Thanks for listening. Have a happy freaking Valentines Day.

:8}

[the_great_she_elephant]

Cat, I know we are advised to confront our fears and emotions, but in this case I really feel you need to put the last twelve months in a box and turn the key on it. Well, not the whole twelve months - just the bad parts. It's OK to look back and remember - but it needs to be done from a good place, not from where you are right at the moment. Make a list of  good things you are expecting to happen in the future and concentrate on them instead.:-x

(disclaimer: this advice is purely a personal opinion and is open to discussion.):-D 

[cat_mioux]

She-ele :-x

I know. But I need to feel what I feel until the "aniversary" is over.  Then I can move on. I feel the need to "spew" forth all the crappy memories. I don't even want to carry that box around with me.

Bear with me till then  :-x

[the_great_she_elephant]

She-ele :-x

I know. But I need to feel what I feel until the "aniversary" is over.  Then I can move on. I feel the need to "spew" forth all the crappy memories. I don't even want to carry that box around with me.

Bear with me till then  :-x

Honey, why do you think nature gave elephants such broad shoulders.:-x

[cat_mioux]

:-x  Lovely broad shouldered She-Ele.

[my2cuddlycats_not]

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[cat_mioux]

Cuddlybunny :-x

I can't be strong this week. I'm cracking under the pressure to be 'strong'. I'm going to take myself to bed now and cry under the doona. It's the safest place to be right now.

[buzzlightyearsgirlfriend]

I need to feel what I feel until the "aniversary" is over.  Then I can move on. I feel the need to "spew" forth all the crappy memories.

Spew forth all you like. At least if you are typing it out, it's getting out. Much better out than holding it in.

I've never understood why "being strong" (which is often just a front we put on so others are not upset by our weakness) is so highly regarded. There is nothing wrong with wallowing and spewing forth if that it what you feel.That is REAL.

Being REAL is what we need to be to be true to ourselves.

[cat_mioux]

Thanks Buzz.

I'm allowing myself to wallow, just until this week is over anyway.I don't want to be strong this week. I want to show infidelity is the pits. It hurts so much.   My future is so different now. No more growing old together. He said he loved me. No, he didn't.  Not enough anyway.

Checked my Message's. Just wanted to say this thread is still helping others dealing with the shirt that is infidelity. There are people who have lurked since day 1. They feel connected. They are experiencing the same ups and downs, the good days and the bad days.

We are here. I'm not going anywhere and neither is this thread.   :-x