Does your Family Know

[grandmoon]

What your wishes are if you get terminally ill or die suddenly. ??

My friend is trying to get this information out of her partner who has just been diagnosed with cancer, The doctor has told him to make sure the family know his wishes.

He is refusing to let her know.

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

Sorry to read about your friend grandmoon. 

Maybe hes just not ready to think, and talk about it.. he might even be in shock or denial..

I would suggest to your friend to take it easy, but ask again when they feel the time is right, perhaps go for a walk away from home and other family members, and sit in the park...explain to her partner that shes not trying to upset him, but she needs to know, and it might help him to talk about it..

If he doesnt want to talk about it, or it upsets him too much, she will know then that she might have to make decisions on his behalf..

[imastawka]

Then he's at her mercy with what she does.

I have given my daughter explicit instructions.

If I am on life support, turn me off and turn me back on -

it works most times for computers!

I will have a DNR

Someone on here mentioned just recently the Grim Reaper.

My older grandson has volunteered to dress up as him at the funeral.

Others are plannng to wear their onesies.

My last song, I'm sorry to say, is not fun.

It is Blackbird by the Beatles.

This is not the version I want, but I have used this one as it has the

lyrics on screen for Erica

[grandmoon]

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@youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit wrote:

Sorry to read about your friend grandmoon. 

Maybe hes just not ready to think, and talk about it.. he might even be in shock or denial..

I would suggest to your friend to take it easy, but ask again when they feel the time is right, perhaps go for a walk away from home and other family members, and sit in the park...explain to her partner that shes not trying to upset him, but she needs to know, and it might help him to talk about it..

If he doesnt want to talk about it, or it upsets him too much, she will know then that she might have to make decisions on his behalf..

---

He is in hospital at the moment and looks like being there for some weeks yet.  They are still doing more tests and if it as bad as they are suggesting he may never come home. 

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

Oh, I see..

I think he might be confronted and overwhelmed by it all..Perhaps she will need to pick a time when she can get some privacy and know they are not likely to be interrupted and have a quiet word with him..

Also, I know at some hospitals, they have people that she may be able to ask their advice on how to approach it with him..

Its very sad, but I can understand him not wanting to talk about it..unfortunately he may feel like he just cant.

And your friend may need support to not push him..

[b3llag1na]

We have told our children our wishes... and I'm hoping they get fulfilled.

I can't understand why you wouldn't let family know how you want to go? It's not as if it isn't going to happen one day!

And if you don't let them know, there is always a chance various family members could have different ideas and it could create conflict - much simpler to have it out in the open. 

[imastawka]

Oh.  sorry for being non-supportive grandmoon.   I saw the title and ran with it.

I'm sure he's in denial, and that all will be worked out.

Your friend will know what's best for him.    I'm sure she will know what to do.

[azureline**]

I have done my end of life plan, made sure my children know where it is. Having had a cancer diagnosis once already, it was an easy decision to make but my FIL's dementia and care spurred me on.

[gleee58]

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@grandmoon wrote:

What your wishes are if you get terminally ill or die suddenly. ??

My friend is trying to get this information out of her partner who has just been diagnosed with cancer, The doctor has told him to make sure the family know his wishes.

He is refusing to let her know.

---

Yes, I told them of my plans to apply for the body farm and they proceeded to laugh heartily.

[***super_nova***]

Absolutely, I made it all clear. 

If this person refuses to talk about it then your friend just has to wait until he wants to tell them.  You cannot force him to talk about something he probably has not given any thought.