Has anyone ever had anything to do with a narcissist

[happybuyer234]

Just  found out my boyfriend of 6 years is i am now discarded alone its horrible.

Anyone else been through it

[terroxyboy]

Yes, but not sure if he has ever been properly diagnosed because once I broke off contact I never looked back, no contact with him, his friends, family, nothing.

I suspect he was either sociopathic or narcissistic, or a bit of both. An incredibly charming, manipulative, cunning person who damaged almost every person (especially women) in his path, yet was completely confounded by complaints about his behaviour on the occasions he was caught out. The attitude was, do what you have to do to get what you want, that's what are other people exist for right?

He did an incredible amount of damage to me in under a year, and bled a lot of people dry financially and emotionally during the time I really knew him. I can't imagine how you must be feeling after 6 years.

[azureline**]

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@happybuyer234 wrote:

He is diagnosed

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How do you get them diagnosed? do they volunteer?

[lane-ends]

You can't them to do anything. Hence most never are, unless there is crisis of some sort. Often as a result of it being cocurrent with anither issue. Often personality disorders are not that black and white, or stand alone.

Don't wase your time trying to make them accountable, just work on making yourself less vulnerable.

[aftanas]

I am finding it difficult to understand the problem here.

If your ex-boyfriend was a narcissist I imagine your relationship would have been a bit one-sided.  I have never hooked up with a narcissist, but I have had a relationship in which I did most of the giving.  When it broke up I was upset, but also relieved as I was able to indulge my own needs rather than someone elses.

If he is an ex-boyfriend he is gone.  You will go throught the stages of 5 stages of grief, and if you loved him you will be a little screwed up for about two years, but then you will be fine and happier than when you were in the relationship.

[lane-ends]

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@aftanas wrote:

I am finding it difficult to understand the problem here.

If your ex-boyfriend was a narcissist I imagine your relationship would have been a bit one-sided.  I have never hooked up with a narcissist, but I have had a relationship in which I did most of the giving.  When it broke up I was upset, but also relieved as I was able to indulge my own needs rather than someone elses.

If he is an ex-boyfriend he is gone.  You will go throught the stages of 5 stages of grief, and if you loved him you will be a little screwed up for about two years, but then you will be fine and happier than when you were in the relationship.

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That was the catholic church's attitude to child abuse.

Some people can just brush it off, others have their self belief destroyed at a fundemental level,it can be effectively years of brain washing. People telling them its no biggie, get over it, just makes it worse. There is more to it than grief

To the OP. This is not the best place to work this through, it is too specialized an issue.

[aftanas]

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@lane-ends wrote:

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@aftanas wrote:

I am finding it difficult to understand the problem here.

If your ex-boyfriend was a narcissist I imagine your relationship would have been a bit one-sided.  I have never hooked up with a narcissist, but I have had a relationship in which I did most of the giving.  When it broke up I was upset, but also relieved as I was able to indulge my own needs rather than someone elses.

If he is an ex-boyfriend he is gone.  You will go throught the stages of 5 stages of grief, and if you loved him you will be a little screwed up for about two years, but then you will be fine and happier than when you were in the relationship.

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That was the catholic church's attitude to child abuse.

Some people can just brush it off, others have their self belief destroyed at a fundemental level,it can be effectively years of brain washing. People telling them its no biggie, get over it, just makes it worse. There is more to it than grief

To the OP. This is not the best place to work this through, it is too specialized an issue.

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OK, now I am really confused.  Because I thought the issue was that the poster had been in a long term relationship with a guy and after the relationship ended she realised he was a self absorbed **bleep**hole. I admit I haven't read all the posts in the thread, but I didn't realise this guy was a child abuser.  I think lane-ends is correct.  If this guy was not only a narcissist but also a child abuser, the issue shouldn't be discussed online.

[the_great_she_elephant]

He wasn't a child molester. Lane End was simply saying that the advice given by some posters  to "just put it behind you and move on" is the same advice tht wasgiven by the Catholic Church to victims of child abuse; and that it is not helpful.

[j*oono]

Hopeless isn't it She_el.  Chinese whispers.

[azureline**]

I thought the OP was sharing that she has been discarded after 6 years................and asking for anyone with the same experience, to share ...........

It depends on each person's personality whether or not being given advice to "move on" is beneficial, or not.