on 16-01-2013 10:26 PM
My hubby and I had an argument this evening and he walked out (offended as usual) and has come back.
I had some bags of my daughters too small clothing for a friend and some new expensive kids clothing for putting on Ebay and I had asked him to leave it to one side.
It vanished this morning and he denied knowing anything and said he had not touched it.
I searched and searched ( and he knew I was searching) and asked him again this evening and then he said he had put it all in the charity bin up the road,
I got angry and said he should leave my things alone and how dare he throw my possessions out.
He then stormed off, saying he was leaving and staying in a motel - came back about 30 minutes later.
This is not the first time he has done this - I regularly find my things in the bin - eg expensive pashmina blanket, clothing, my books and magazines, university work, kids toys
- once I found my brand new camera equipment in the garbage bin. still in the packaging
When we moved, I found my 2 boxes of beloved knitting patterns in the bin and he tried to divert me from finding them.
Some sentimental items have also vanished.
Last week, I found my shopping in the bin - cans of soup, baked beans and tomato sauce. Straight in the bin.
He never asks - I find this so rude and disrespectful. I would not throw his things out.
If I ask, he either denies it or says he can't remember and looks uncomfortable.
His father threw out my daughter's wooden rocking horse, which my father had lovingly restored for her and my son's beloved blanket. No asking me. And then had the hide to deny anything about the blanket, before saying that he did throw it out because he thought my son was too old for it.
So I can see where it all comes from.
I have hired a storage unit and will quietly move the majority of my possessions there so I have some privacy and he cannot just throw out my things.
I find him so disrespectful that he thinks he can do this.
And then he gets so offended when questioned and I say I am unhappy and storms off.
thanks - vent over.
on 16-01-2013 10:29 PM
Oh - and my good pyrex cooking bowls were in the bin too
on 16-01-2013 10:33 PM
Doesn't he stop to think that if he throws this stuff out, he just has to buy more?
Privacy issues aside, but throwing out soup and cookware?
My first thoughts are, is he OK?
on 16-01-2013 10:36 PM
i have to ask - why would he throw the shopping away? was it by mistake?
on 16-01-2013 10:37 PM
Ashjoma, I think what he is doing is irrational and quite frightening. Are you able to talk to your GP about what he is doing?
on 16-01-2013 10:38 PM
Breathe.
You're already aware this is learned behaviour. It's a control issue. So breathe now and then decide what you want to do about it.
on 16-01-2013 10:38 PM
I don't think it is disrespectful, it is very odd behaviour and he needs help.
No, its not odd, it is downright bizarre.
on 16-01-2013 10:39 PM
on 16-01-2013 10:44 PM
ashjoma, has it ever occured to you that your husband has a mental problem? If it is true what you say, move out or throw him out, depending whos house it is, and get a divorce.
I would never put up with crap like that, husband or not.
We live in a free and civilised country and women are not underdogs.
Take care of yourself, Erica :-x
on 16-01-2013 10:53 PM
What he is doing, isnt normal, has he just started doing this?
He is either a control freak or he has serious problems. You are going to have to work out what you wish to do, either stay with him or turf him out.