I have a Problem.

[tommy.irene]

I’ve never written to anyone before about personal problems, but I really thought that my page followers could give me some advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street as if someone dropped her off from around the corner. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I would park my Harley Davidson motorcycle outside next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

[the_bob_delusion]

You get one of Bob's rare Kudos. 

[mugssy65]

You bugger you had me too, I'm thinking poor Tommy at his time of life bloody hell!
Hahaha

[*mrgrizz*]

give it to the wife in the settlement and go buy yourself a brand new one

[lyne-flyn]

it's a joke, Ethel.

[kopenhagen5]

Man, in view of some of the posts here recently, you really had me going.

I was thinking of all sorts of possible solutions and questions to ask you.

After seeing a photo of the two of you, at the same time I was thinking OMG, WHAT? NO WAY. 

[tasfleur]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.' Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters 'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?' 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.' The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?' You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?' 'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. 'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'

[tommy.irene]

A man was leaving a Coffee Shop with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary fellow walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the fellow walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" "My wife's." ''What happened to her?" "She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her." He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?" The fellow answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her." A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.. "Can I borrow the dog?" The man replied, "Get in line."

[the_great_she_elephant]

Tommy, I don't know how to break this to you gently, You don't say how long you have been married but I fear your relationship is doomed. You can dye your hair and suck your belly in and parade around in front of your wife in sexy leather pants, but I'm afraid the simple truth is at 75 you are getting too old to ride a Harley.