Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

[kengillard]

I and 2 other neighbours have been made ....by default....  responsible for our neighbours health.  She's been sent home from hospital after 10 days, having spent a day and a night in the rain on the concrete outside her back door. After I found her, I called the ambulance who tried to get her to come with them....refused...police were called...  had her stomach drained of fluid.   Sent home on Friday last...had another fall on Saturday....went to see her this morning..she had another fall and ambulance took her to hospital again.

Because she's so stubborn and negative...72.....they can't help her unless she agrees....meanwhile they send her home to an empty house............cos she told them "my friend and my neighbours will look after me."    

It's ridiculous....we are not responsible for her welfare.  she has a son up north that she refuses to be notified as her next of kin. 

So that leaves us 3...should she come home again.  I'm  looking after her 2 dogs and others are feeding and watering her geese etc..

Surely there's some agency or other that can step in?   

Any suggestions anyone.  I don't mind helping but this is getting ridiculous.  How long does she have to lie out/in before someone finds her (prob me)...before anyone will do anything definite to save her from herself?

[kengillard]

apparently she's "sane"...according to the hospital that sent her home.  don't know how they would know that unless she had an ACAT assessment. which she hasn't

[kennedia_nigricans]

you already got sucked into her game.

you have the choice:

- keep playing the game until you feel relieved when she actually dies

or

- refuse to be be sucked into her game by telling the nurses AND her that you are not responsible for her health and if she choses to act stupid it's her responsibility. tell her that you will not check on her every day and then stick to it.

[buzzlightyearsgirlfriend]

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@kennedia_nigricans wrote:

i was all caring and naive until i met my MIL.

it's a power game.

if they don't want to drink/attended by a doctor/etc just let them.

it's their choice, they are old enough to decide for themselves.

if they want to die by acting stupid let them, it's none of your business.

 

---

I agree with that attitude when dealing with an addict or an alcoholic, unless they are threatening suicide. Nothing stops an alky or an addict when they want their drug of choice...

However, with sick elderly people who are not addicts it's most likely fear that makes them deny themselves medical help. 

[i-need-a-martini]

She's just old and set in her way keng.

Sometimes I think if they have been alone for a long while, they stop understanding the impact they have on others. And I think they think they are OK and can manage cause they have been 'managing' for so long on their own.

When neighbours like you do stop caring the results are a disaster. A lady around the corner from my work was found dead in her terrace house a couple of years ago. She had been dead for years. None of the neighbours bothered to find out why her mail was piling up or that her windows haven't moved. It's very sad.

[i-need-a-martini]

It's not a game. It's just an old person set in her ways. Gees.

[kengillard]

easier said than done....how can I just leave her to fall down in 38 degree heat and die?   I could never live with myself.   Sounds a lovely idea...but sorry I couldn't do it.   just would like someone else who's medically trained, to take over the responsibility?

[jvharrison]

Ken have you thought of calling or contacting the police in cairns.....they maybe able to help you they will have access to more information than you do at the momento:)

Good luck with the search:)

[kengillard]

actaully she is an alcoholic....has cirrhosis of the liver/ that's why they've been draining her abdomen of fluid.  

[kengillard]

yes I've thought of that Jen.   but because I'm not a relative, I doubt whether they would help.  might try tomorrow and see what happens.  xx  I really feel he should know.  they're not on the best of terms but he should know regardless I feel

[kennedia_nigricans]

aaaaawwww i was innocent thinking like that UNTIL i met my MIL.

and then it still took me some time to learn (a few years tbh).

now i have worked it out.

and NOOOOO it's not just a sweet little old lady.....

those are the worst sort.

they seem to be so sweet but they are the opposite.

i don't know enough about kens "little old lady" but if she is similar to mine....

it is a power and control game. you have to play it for a few years to recognise it, and even that might not be enough.

i noticed here that many long time posters are not aware who is the troll. after SO many years. same with said little old ladys.

some get the idea after a while, some NEVER do in which case they are condemned to play their power and control game until that "sweet little old lady" finally dies.

just ask yourself: would i feeel relief or be sad that she is gone now?

no need to answer but it tells you all you need to know.