Love thy neighbour. How far should it go?

[kengillard]

I and 2 other neighbours have been made ....by default....  responsible for our neighbours health.  She's been sent home from hospital after 10 days, having spent a day and a night in the rain on the concrete outside her back door. After I found her, I called the ambulance who tried to get her to come with them....refused...police were called...  had her stomach drained of fluid.   Sent home on Friday last...had another fall on Saturday....went to see her this morning..she had another fall and ambulance took her to hospital again.

Because she's so stubborn and negative...72.....they can't help her unless she agrees....meanwhile they send her home to an empty house............cos she told them "my friend and my neighbours will look after me."    

It's ridiculous....we are not responsible for her welfare.  she has a son up north that she refuses to be notified as her next of kin. 

So that leaves us 3...should she come home again.  I'm  looking after her 2 dogs and others are feeding and watering her geese etc..

Surely there's some agency or other that can step in?   

Any suggestions anyone.  I don't mind helping but this is getting ridiculous.  How long does she have to lie out/in before someone finds her (prob me)...before anyone will do anything definite to save her from herself?

[i-need-a-martini]

Or if that isn't possible, next time she lands in hospital go with her. And make it clear to the nurses there that she is not your responsibility. They will arrange excuses for a nurse to start coming to the house and from there old lady will get used to it.

[kengillard]

sounds like a good idea martini.  unfortunately no one has her sons phone no. except the hospital as her next of kin, and she's made it clear she doesn't want him notified.   I could go to the police, but they prob. can't help either seeing i'm not a relative. all very frustrating.

wonder if anyone lives in Cairns????????

[kengillard]

I tried to call the social worker in the hospital she was in before they discharged her.  They told me they don't have a social worker..she's called a discharge planner.   who was supposed to ring me back.  her house is  a mess and she lives alone. bleep

[electric*mayhem*band]

Sounds a cantankerous old harridan to me. Good luck to you, and anyone else having to deal with her.

[buzzlightyearsgirlfriend]

I'd be using every resource I had to find the son and dob her in to him.

Unwell, elderly people can be so difficult to deal with. You want to respect them and allow them to make all the choices without interfering, but sometimes you can't.

Once my brother's stupid dog jumped up at my old granny and she fell and hit her head. Blood everywhere. She refused to go to hospital, point blank. Yelled at me about it even.  So I had to sit with her all night while she threw up from concussion and then had diarrhea from the same. I eventually smuggled a Dr into the house, without granny knowing beforehand, and she treated her and gave her medicine.

When she got really, really sick a few years later from breast cancer she would often refuse to go to the hospital. My Dad would call my brother over and my brother would just hoist her up like a baby, put her into the car and take her to the Dr/hospital despite her protestations.

Sometimes you just have to do what they don't want you to do.

[kengillard]

tomorrow I will do my best to find the son.    I've looked up phone nos. in his area, rung them but  no luck so far.  hospital wont give me the no. because of privacy laws etc. 

[i-need-a-martini]

We got the sons number when he was in hospital. We were in his house getting some supplies for him and found his address book. We told him a white lie - that his son called while we were in the house so we had no choice but to tell him dad was in hospital.

[cherry*135]

Difficult position for you and the neighbours.

There must be some point in time.. when an ill, not able to take care of  themselves, elderly person's wishes are overridden (especially if they have dementia) by the authorities.

I don't suppose this lady has a GP or if she does, you know who it is? If she did go to a GP the best thing would be the Dr to arrange respite care in a retirment home for the neighbour for a week or 2 and they can access her ability or not to live in her own home.

[kengillard]

thanks Martini.  perhaps I could be sneaky.  she's definite NO ONE should go in her house.   I now know why.  I had to go in there 10 days ago to rescue 2 of her dogs, which I've had here since.  They were shut in a b.r. for the same amount of time she was on the concrete in the rain.  it's all very sad and frustrating too.

Thanks for your help everyone..

[kennedia_nigricans]

i was all caring and naive until i met my MIL.

it's a power game.

if they don't want to drink/attended by a doctor/etc just let them.

it's their choice, they are old enough to decide for themselves.

if they want to die by acting stupid let them, it's none of your business.

i have spend a few days (all in all) in hospital (for no bleeping reason) waiting for my FIL because he refused to get the ambulance when he fell and broke his ellbow....long story short: it could have been fixed then but NOOOOO he didn't want to go (he is in the ambulance fund) and so we had to spend a considerable amount of time with him in hospital/driving him to the dr/hospital PLUS it didn't heal as well cos he left it unattended for ages.