Mum has 'no regrets' after shaming daughter

[daydream**believer]

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/older-kids/behaviour-and-discipline-for-older-kids/mum-has-no-regret...

"A North Carolina mother who punished her daughter for bullying is being accused of being a cyberbully herself after she shamed her daughter by sharing her photo online.

Cara Schneider had her daughter pose with a green sign that reads,

My name is Hailey. I am a kind caring, smart girl, but I make poor choices with social media.

As punishment, I am selling my iPod and will be donating the money to the charity Beat Bullying in hopes of changing my behavior as well as bringing awareness to Bullying. Because bullying is wrong."

Thoughts on this?

I personally agree with the guy that defended the mum by writing ‘‘Bullying thrives in secrecy. Bringing it into the light is the only way to stop it. And this mother isn't bullying her child; she’s teaching her daughter to take responsibility for her actions and also teaching her compassion by walking a mile in her victim’s choices.’’

I asked my 13 year old daughter what she thought of this and she also agrees with what the Mum did. She said "The girl was bullying people online, hiding behind the computer so her punishment should be shared online as well"

[languidlady49]

so izab you wouldn't shame her online but risk her getting a police record?!

[daydream**believer]

---

@catsnknots wrote:

In reality it is just a bit of public humiliation... won't be soul destroying... might even be character building. I have survived a bit of public humiliation in my time that I have inflicted upon myself... 

Parents are so wishy washy with their kids these days... One thing I decided a long time ago was less conversations with my kids and more consequences. They are not stupid and I expect a high standard from them. I don't need to show them legislation for them to know it is a bad choice to online bully someone. 

---

Totally Totally agree.

My kids know whats right and wrong. They do wrong. They know there will be serious consequences from me.

My kids would expect me to do something like this Mum did if they ever bullied online and they are totally fine with that

[**meep**]

The is no reason to believe that young people are not aware of the consequences of cyberbullying  The information is spread through the same media they use to bully others. 

How do we know this mother's actions did not prevent another, senseless tragedy?

Its a hard way to learn a lesson but I would like to believe the mother would have tried everything else.

[cherry*135]

---

@**meep** wrote:

The is no reason to believe that young people are not aware of the consequences of cyberbullying  The information is spread through the same media they use to bully others. 

How do we know this mother's actions did not prevent another, senseless tragedy?

Its a hard way to learn a lesson but I would like to believe the mother would have tried everything else.

---

That is what I was thinking also, if the daughter continued on with the cyberbullying and the bullied person, or one of the people she cyberbullied (if there was more than one) couldn't take it anymore.

[izabsmiling]

I think the Mum is making excuses ...or ignoring what she herself has done.She isn't behaving like an adult let alone a responsible caring parent ...she isn't even acknowleding the damage she may have caused her daughter 

Her face has been seen around the world....her Mum's name and profession 

The Mum  and daughter need some help imo

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Shaming Children Is Emotionally Abusive

Children respect those who respect them.

Published on September 10, 2012 by Karyl McBride, Ph.D. in The Legacy of Distorted Love

Adult children raised by narcissistic parents frequently tell similarchildhood stories of shame and humiliation. Often these shaming acts take place in front of other people. Treating children badly and without respect is not the golden rule for parenting, but why do we see this so often?

Just today, a friend shared a similar story. Her brother frequently shames his children. When the family gets together, he loudly announces the wrong doings of his children, with no insight to the damage it does. The children stand listening with eyes cast downward. Is it any wonder that young people in these situations grow into adults with self-doubt, depression and anxiety?

Shaming and humiliating children is emotionally abusive. It is not ok to smack children physically or with words. Young people deserve and are entitled to reach out, attach and bond with their caretakers. It is an expectation that the parent will provide safety, protection, acceptance,understanding and empathy. When this does happen, children grow up knowing their worth and demanding respect from others and themselves. When children are emotionally or psychologically abused, they grow up feeling unloved, unwanted, and fearful. Normal development is interrupted and it sends the wounded child into exile. This is when negative internal messages are developed and why we have so many adults today feeling “not good enough.”

As children become adults, they parent themselves in the same manner they were parented. Messages internalized from childhood are now ingrained in the adult. Those messages play like repeating endless tapes. “How could you be so stupid?” “ You can’t do anything right.” “ This is why no-one likes you.”

Shaming and humiliation causes fear in children. This fear does not go away when they grow up. It becomes a barrier for a healthy emotional life and is difficult to eradicate. If these same children become parents, the possibility also exists that the fear and negativity can be unwittingly passed through the generations.

When we talk about disrespectful children, we must look at parenting. Solid parenting shows children respect and empathy. When a parent truly gives respect to a child, they receive it back. When this becomes the norm for the household, we see young people grow up with a loving value system that makes a difference in the world. However, when children are shamed, humiliated and then silenced, it represses the harm that may re-surface later in life. If this happens, it can be in the form of self-destruction or cruelty to others.

Make the commitment to never shame a child. Treat children like you want to be treated. If you were raised by narcissistic parents, your own recovery work truly makes the difference. I salute you for the earnest efforts to stop the legacy of distorted love. The children of the world need YOU!

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201209/shaming-children-is-emotionally...

[cherry*135]

One single instance of making her daughter own up to her own actions (and most likely will prevent her daughter engaging in cyberbullying again which will prevent harm to those the daughter was targetting through cyberbulling)... deserves that response? I don't think so.

Today it went viral, tomorrow some other thing will go viral.. this story will soon be yesterday's news.

Accusing a parent (or any other person), that you have never met and don't know is unbelieveable.

 from the post above: Her brother frequently shames his children... you don't get the 'frequently' bit do you?

[izabsmiling]

what is the topic this time ? 

oh that's right ...cyberbullying and teaching children about it 

[**meep**]

---

@izabsmiling wrote:

what is the topic this time ? 

oh that's right ...cyberbullying and teaching children about it 

---

do you think it could be a case of the parent failing by not teaching the child from the start, losing control or respect effectively resorting to desperate measures?

[pixie-six]

Hi Everyone! This topic is getting a little heated. Can we please bring the subject back to 'Mum has 'no regrets' after shaming daughter'. Please remember to be civil and friendly towards each other. Thanks!

[everything*that*i*ever*wanted]

I think a better tack to take might be (I believe) to make the child post a public apology on their own Facebook Wall and the Wall of the child they were bullying. Acknowledging what they said and did was wrong and acknowledging how the victim may have felt as a result and apologising for that also.

I have shamed my children on their Facebook Page before. It was simply "B****** does not currently have access to her Facebook account or her mobile phone at this point in time due to disbodience, disrespect and defiance. When she is able to show respect and earn the priveledge of these devices she will be back. She is also grounded, so please don't just turn up at our home as she will not be allowed to play either."

Invariably the kids will ask what it was that she did to lose the priveledges and I never divulge exactly what she had done, they don't need details. But thesekids see that even if they don't have strict parents, some kids do and there are consequences and IT devices are a priveledge.

I also AlWAYS pull my kids up if they are heading towards being hurtful or even close to bullying...and I do the same to their friends. These are all kids that send me friends requests...not me stalking and adding my kids' friends. Invariably they are respectful and immediately stop the behaviour when they are called on it.