My Mum Passed Away Yesterday But...

[grapes_collector]

I'm not feeling overwhelming grief. Just relief that she is out of her misery.

She was such a good Mum to me (I'm an only child), and we were very close. She had dementia, but she always knew me (she called me her very best friend) and she always talked about me to the staff at the nursing home, but she couldn't remember anything about her past life, including my late father, & had to be told things over and over again.

The last week was hell for her, as she had been in a lot of pain, felt nauseous and had been unable to eat or drink. The last few days she had slept (thankfully).

I'm worried that I should be feeling more. The only time I cried was when I saw her body. I've also come down with the most ferocious cold, the worst I can remember for many years, so I'm selfishly feeling sorry for myself, when I should be feeling more for Mum.

I've come here because I don't have anyone to talk to...just hubby, who I might add is being fantastically supportive, but I just can't tell him how I'm feeling.

Just needed to get it off my chest.

[izabsmiling]

Hello Grapes, I am sorry for your loss.I think that often when someone dies after a long illness those who love them and have watched them suffer can see their passing as the release  that it ultimately is.We all feel things in our own way and in our own time.

[azureline**]

I am so sorry ♥

It is not an unusual feeling and it will take some time for it to change.

Just now, take care of yourself, there is no right or wrong about how you feel, nothing selfish about it. Lovely that she always knew you :-x

[izabsmiling]

Your Mum sounds like a good Mum...as such she would want you to take care of you.She is at peace now :-x

[ashjoma]

Sorry to hear this

I am also an only child and went through this with my mother - last year.

Take one day at a time

It will he hard  - let your hubby help and support you.

If you are in Sydney I can recommend a small, locally run, funeral home I used for Mum and they were very very supportive and guided me every step of the way, without being pushy at all.

All the best - if you want to email me, I am happy for you to do so.

[grapes_collector]

Thanks guys.

ashjoma, thank you for the offer, but Mum had a prepaid funeral plan, so everything in that regard will be OK.

[purple_haize]

I am sorry for your loss..

I am an only child as well, & when my mother died, I felt like you do. My mother died of cancer, and I saw it as a release for her, from her pain.

Your feelings will change as you grieve, just take one day at a time & I am glad that your hubby is giving you support......lean on him.

sending you ((((HUGS))))

[daydream**believer]

Ohh grapes, im so sorry for your loss.

Regarding you not feeling over whelming grief, i also think that is how i will be when my Mum passes, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all

[lynnie3024]

My deepest sympathies to you.

When my husband died I felt a profound sense of relief and peace. I never shed a tear at his funeral and was told I was heartless. Some things go too deep for tears.

Take care of yourself and take one day at a time.

Grief doesn't work to a schedule or a textbook.

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time.

[beanishells]

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. Your Mum sounded lovely.

My heart goes out to you.

As said above there is no wrong way to cope and no wrong feelings. Your mind and body will deal with it all in its own time, so don't feel guilty that you are not doing something the "right" way. There is no such thing.

Grief comes in stages and just now you are dealing with illness and cant take any more anyway. Just go a day at a time and let your hubby be there for you, I am sure he would welcome you telling him how you feel. He sounds wonderful.

I am so sorry you are going through so much at the moment.