My brother and Self Defense

[herbto3]

My mum and I dont know what to do anymore. We are in the NT. Several weeks ago my brother defended himself against the full on intoxicated estranged spouse as she wanted him to go and buy drugs. He said no and she attacked him twice. He defended himself but since then he has found himself on dvo charges brought on by the cops. 

I feel for my brother as he is a good person and dad but no one is listening to him. The cops wont take away the charges as they see it as domestic volence. They dont see it as self defense. The x sister in law wants the charges dropped but the cops wont drop them. My mum is as she puts it hitting her head against a brick wall trying to get someone to listen to her about this as my brother is an abused husband the victim. Mum says it is not the normal run of the mill case as he is a bloke not a lady. Only ladies get abused not husbands. My brother has stood by his family as his x is a druggy and cant look after the 5 kids properly. He has been their protector.

What I want to do is help my brother and his kids but I dont know how to do it..I dont know who to get mum or brother to talk to. I dont want my brother to kill himself as this is what my mum has been thinking he might do. My brother and mum need help.

Is there anyone out there who could tell me what to say to my brother to help him please? And my mum? Can someone please please help me.... 

[cherry*135]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@am*3 wrote:
History is not present day!!

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History is until yesterday.  The same mentality is still in play, the same people are still in the same jobs.

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@polksaladallie wrote: I suggest you read several books about the history of domestic violence in Australia, and what the the official responses to it have been like.

And those books weren't written 'yesterday'!!

the same people are still in the same jobs.

No that aren't. Some retire, some changes jobs.. nothing stays the same for ever.

[chameleon54]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

My opinion is that a man should never lay his hands on a woman (or child) in anger in any circumstance. 

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Its a nice idea for a perfect world. Unfortunately some of us dont live in a perfect world. When you are being attacked by some-one in a pshycotic state ( drug induced or otherwise ) they can have a lot more strength and aggression than a person of that stature would normally have. It can take a lot of physical force to control them to ensure their own and others safety. All of the happy clappy nice ideas go out the window when you are faced with life threatening situations such as these.

[*pepe]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

My opinion is that a man should never lay his hands on a woman (or child) in anger in any circumstance. 

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how about women?

is it also your opinion that a woman should never lay her hands on a man in anger?

My opinion is regardless of gender if you assault someone in anger then you have lost any right to not expect to be asaulted right back.

[love*today]

I'm sure the police can tell the difference between self defense marks and assault marks.

Seeing that the ex tried to withdraw the DV charges and the police refused tells me that there is strong evidence that she was "controlled" with excessive means.
Would be easier to comment if we knew what he actually did to her and if he had any marks on him.

DV can be frustrating as the police really cannot do anything unless the victim wants action or they have enough to see that the charges will stick.

[chameleon54]

Polksaladallie has assumed the OPs brother responded with anger. Although that may be the case in some situations, it is just as likely that a sense of love and protection for all family members could be the driving force. It is very hard to start accurately judging if you have been lucky enough to always live in stable, sheltered family enviroment.

[j*oono]

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@love*today wrote:

Seeing that the ex tried to withdraw the DV charges and the police refused tells me that there is strong evidence that she was "controlled" with excessive means.

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Not necessarily.  Maybe she just sobered up and realised that it was all her fault and she lied to the police or maybe the police have had enough of this family and just want rid of them.  I do think we have good police in Australia.

Sometimes there is very little that they can do in domestic situations.  It has to go through the court system.

[love*today]

Who called the police?
Did they arrive during the DV or after?
Where were the kids?
It doesn't say that the ex wanted the charges laid just that the police did it.
Many abused women will try to take the charges off men that do abuse them, which is why police have more say in whether the charges stay or not. And why I believe that if a woman or man lies about DV and are caught out, there should be very harsh penalties.

After re reading the op I am worried that the mother thinks the son will suicide. I have the feeling that there is much more history with this brother and ex and this could actually be a good thing that has happened.
Might force the brother to see the situation for what it is.

So agree that there is little they can do (police). I have heard a detective tell a mother that her daughter is better of being arrested and jailed because if she was to stay longer in that house, she'd be coming out in a body bag 😞 Lots of heads against the wall with that one, but unless the police had hard evidence or the girl had courage to stop sticking up for him there was nothing anyone could do.

[polksaladallie]

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@am*3 wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@am*3 wrote:
History is not present day!!

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History is until yesterday.  The same mentality is still in play, the same people are still in the same jobs.

---

@polksaladallie wrote: I suggest you read several books about the history of domestic violence in Australia, and what the the official responses to it have been like.

And those books weren't written 'yesterday'!!

the same people are still in the same jobs.

No that aren't. Some retire, some changes jobs.. nothing stays the same for ever.

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I heard of a case the week before last.  Is that yesterday enough for you?

[polksaladallie]

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@chameleon54 wrote:

Polksaladallie has assumed the OPs brother responded with anger. Although that may be the case in some situations, it is just as likely that a sense of love and protection for all family members could be the driving force. It is very hard to start accurately judging if you have been lucky enough to always live in stable, sheltered family enviroment.

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I have not "assumed" anything.  The response was evident in the opening post.

As for your last sentence, it is almost laughable.

[polksaladallie]

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@*pepe wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

My opinion is that a man should never lay his hands on a woman (or child) in anger in any circumstance. 

---

how about women?

is it also your opinion that a woman should never lay her hands on a man in anger?

My opinion is regardless of gender if you assault someone in anger then you have lost any right to not expect to be asaulted right back.

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My opinion is that no-one should ever hit anyone else.

Your statement that violence is the answer to violence is appalling.