My son went to live with his dad. I am gutted

[tattoosandotherthings]

He is just shy of 14. I know he is of the age where he needs his dad to learn from but it does not stop my pain.

I am trying not to be selfish, i let him go without incident because i know he needs this but i am so lost without his presence.

I am trying so hard to keep busy, listing, drawing, whatever i can do but when i go to sleep and wake up, there is a gasp and fear that my baby is missing and for just a moment my mind is hunting for my 2 year old and then i remember he is nearly 14 and gone to his dads.

Any mums out there who have survived this?

[matega3]

Hugs to you. I have never been in this situation, but good on you for not making it any harder for him to make the change even though I am sure you would have loved to have grabbed his ankles and held on as tight as you can. Just make sure you can keep in regular contact and that he knows you would have him back anytime. You will deal with it in time, hang in there and good luck.

[the*scarlet*pimpernel]

I don't know what you are going through, but I am sad that you are sad.

I prescribe two kittens and a budgie

[tattoosandotherthings]

Ty for your reply and support metega and your hugs. So much of me wanted to just hold him, my beautiful blond baby was leaving me. I went thru all of the normal emotions 'did i do something wrong or was i a bad mother?' How can he want to be with anyone else but me.

I have run every gauntlet of emotion including anger at his dad for being the classic disneyland dad. But then i realised dad was not a disneyland dad - dad works on cars and bikes - dad has tools - mum does art. I have always encouraged a bond with his dad and now i was jealous of that bond and i just had to pull my horns in and realise this was not about me, this is about taking the next step into manhood.

But god it hurts, it hurts so much not to see his beautiful smile in the morning, his goodnight mum.  His room no longer smells of dirty stinky boy socks and in a sick way - i miss that lol and yet i whinged so much about the smell.

I feel such conflicting emotions - i am so happy that my boy is happy. He is doing man things, and he is wrapped.  Then i am so angry at myself that i could not do man things.  None of my thought patters even make sense but they are with me all day.

I will be seeing him every fortnight and now i get to be a disneyland mum - cook his favourite meals, laugh and smile. 

I just miss him and feeling empty next syndrome.

[tattoosandotherthings]

scarlet 2 kittens sounds awesome.  Thankyou for feeling for me.

[darksideofthemoon]

Yes boutique I have gone through something very much the same, and yes you do survive.  The trick is to get past thinking that life is all about your children.

It isn't.  They are a large part of your life, but you had a life before he was born and you will have a life long after he has grown up and left home, so start a little early and begin to develop your own life now.

Of course there is every chance he will return, or finally work out he can have the best of both worlds by dividing his time between his parents as my granddaughter does, but in the meantime you too, have to 'grow up' and move forward.

Never make the mistake of thinking your life is just about your children, there is far more to life than just them.

You'll be fine, but it's early days and it takes time 🙂

[catsnknots]

My eldest went to live with his dad last year... I encouraged it though as I knew it was a good thing for him to live with his dad and grow up... they tend to stay little boys when they live with their mums... 

It hurts for a bit but now like you said you get to be the "disneyland mum" 

Just try to be thankful that your son has a father that wants to be part of his life.... 

time heals... I promise.. 

[tattoosandotherthings]

Thankyou Darki - yes my life was my boy - all employment was created so he never had to see a day care - i have lived life so he had a mum and i do not begrudge one minute or one decision- time to find me again. I feel better this morning - last night i felt like a huge chunk of me was lost.

[tattoosandotherthings]

Cats - thankyou for your words.  I am ever so grateful that his dad and i have always maintained a friendship. His kids to his new wife call me aunty and i always get kisses and cuddles. I know my boy has gone to a good and kind family and like you, i knew it had to happen. 

Did your boy ever want to come back? I know what you mean about boys dont grow up if they live with mum - until this week - regardless that my boy at 13 is 6ft tall - to me he was still a little boy who needed his mum - and i think thats been a part of the shock - my eyes seeing him as what he really is - a young man making decisions for himself.

I think about how he had to come to me with his decision - he was crying - that decision and his emotions must have been playing on his mind so bad.  I am proud that he was able to find the strength to tell me what he needed.

Motherhood lol one hell of an exceptionally wonderful but painful job.

[lurker17260]

Boutique I have no experience of what you are going through, but I do so much admire they way you appear to be parenting your son. Congratulations.

I can tell you something though.   Those feeling you have about your son always being your little boy are not peculiar to your situation.  My 28 year old son visited from interstate this week and it still wrenches my heart to see him leave again.  Once a mum always a mum I'm afraid :-x