Some Saturday Night Funnies.

[azureline**]

I stole this from facebook, maybe I am overtired, had too much wine or something but I found it funny. Surely it isn't serious?

IDIOT SIGHTING.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...
IDIOT SIGHTING.

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Bankstown, Sydney.....

IDIOT SIGHTING.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'

[mtnlane]

Not 'trying' anything Misty ..... it was factual and to the point :^O

[nevynreally]

Not from how I read it. There was no PC BS in your post.

[*crikey*mate*]

Apparently these are actual things said ion court by Lawyers etc...

Lawyer: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

....................

Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself?

.............................

Lawyer: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?

.................................

Lawyer: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.

Defendant: That's me.

Lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?

........................................

Lawyer: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

Mrs Johnson: By death.

Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

..........................................

Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there girls?

...................................

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

...............................................................

[twinkles**stars]

“All meanings, we know, depend on the key of interpretation.”   George Eliot

[cherry*135]

Following joke has been altered by myself to avoid offending anyones sensibilities... please keep in mind it is a JOKE... 

Three people A, B & C approach their specialist doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city. "That's impossible says the doctor. You're all xxx. You'll get lost and never come back."

But, the people wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question I'll sign the pass."

He turns to A and says "What's three times three?"  A starts counting on his fingers "3, 7, 19, 38?. Is it 128?"

The doctor shakes his head and turns to B: "What's three times three?"  B immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!"

The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to C: What's three times three?" C thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper. That provided, she writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine."

The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass. As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly mad. How'd you do it?"  C responds, "Oh, it was easy I divided 128 by Wednesday!"

[Anonymous]

:^O

:^O

love it am 

[Anonymous]

Obviously something in the OP struck a chord with Iza too.

as it does in most OP's.:-)

[*pepe]

:^O

[azureline**]

Az , I added a joke just as Crikey did.Was there a cut off for funnys to be added to this thread? If not Is everyone permitted to add funnies ?

No cut off, I didn't get the joke, that's all.... sometimes I don't.

Everyone is allowed to post jokes/funnies... even though it is Sunday now. :^O the funnier the better.... no more serious stuff please 😄

however.....

if we want to be able to say what we want to say, we will hear what we might not want to hear...but... we don't have to feel compelled to reply to it?]:)

[azureline**]

What kind of dog can jump higher than a building?

Any dog. A building can't jump.