Hello Joanie xx
I can understand just how abused and hurt you must feel and have for a long time now.
Some experiences do become pathological (for the want of a better word) particularly when you can't seem to get anyone to understand those dreadful issues because they are so personal and deeply hurtful.
You shouldn't expect those experiences to just melt away because they won't. What you can do though (not overnight) is slowly slowly, and softly softly begin to shape those feelings in order to change their 'colour', in other words, change the way you feel about the past from painful to helpful (to you and then others).
There is no way the 'tap' of grief or pain can be turned off forever and it's futile to even expect that and nobody should expect that of you either.
I'd encourage you to not fuel your future with a past which can't be changed, but indeed, fuel it with a different expectations and outcomes.
You can do it, you are funny, smart, innovative, clever and have a great sense of humour.
Life is so short Joanie, and now is the time to shed all that bad 'stuff' and start covering yourself with warm healing thoughts. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen, one step at a time ..... 
I wish you all the best Joanie, you can do it xxx
