05-12-2014 05:16 PM - edited 05-12-2014 05:17 PM
TASSIE, THE LAND OF ODD
http://pickeringpost.com/story/tassie-the-land-of-odd/4220
It’s surprising the odd things Tasmania produces... things like Lambie, Milne, Wee Willy Wilkie, everything Green, a lot of things that are sexually confused and everything that’s Left of centre.
This spooky little land of fairies, mushrooms and special frogs seems addicted to stopping stuff. It even got rid of all their Aborigines because they were rumoured to be lighting fires and eating goannas.
The last Tasmanian Aborigine, Truganini, was found stuffing the remains of the only goanna left down his gob, and now they’re both extinct.
It seems everything in the Land of Odd is either endangered, like the Tasmanian Blobfish (pictured) or it’s heritage-listed or it's extinct!
They found something else to stop recently... the biggest Salmon producing joint on the island called Tassal. You see, the environmentalists and ABC journos have accused Tassal of having too many fish in the ocean and they want it stopped.
Last I heard was that some trawler intended taking too many fish out of the ocean and they wanted that stopped too.
Tassal uses the ocean to grow salmon to table size in huge nets and they’re doing pretty well at it... too well apparently.
They are making an absolute motza from flogging these fish but apparently they have been discovered killing these poor little buggers the wrong way and smoking them. And that’s just not on!
“
Smoking anything down there, except marijuana, is frowned upon.
But there is nothing that comes out of Tasmania that could possibly surprise me, that was until I noticed a little Arabic motif on my packet of Tassal smoked salmon that said, “halal certified”.
“WHAT I thought, as I raced to my little book of what Muslims mustn’t eat. And there is was: Buried among pork products and abused goats was, “fish without scales!”, I knew it was there somewhere.
Now I’ve hooked a few of salmon in my time and I’ve never seen one with scales, in fact they’ve all got skin like a well-oiled Kardashian butt and it’s as smooth as......... So how the hell did a salmon ever get on to a Muslim menu?
Very odd! I was intrigued and I kept having to remind myself that this was Tasmania. So I sent a list of questions to Tassal, pleading for an explanation.
“Dear Tassal,
1 Is it true you have employed a group of halal licensed Muslims from the mainland who are each given a tube of Superglue and a box of fish scales?
2 Is it true that when fish scales are in short supply it’s “halal okay” to use toenail clippings?
3 Is there another group of halal licensed fishmongers further up the production line who then de-scale the salmon?
4 When killing these poor little buggers are they facing Mecca via Asia or via the South Pole?”
I’ll let you know when I get a reply.
http://pickeringpost.com/story/tassie-the-land-of-odd/4220
05-12-2014 07:05 PM - edited 05-12-2014 07:07 PM
Q: Where was the tooth brush invented?
A: Tasmania. If it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a teeth brush!
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A Tasmanian couple walk out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out. Her ex-husband says, "Oh for gawds sake, stop crying! You're still my sister!"
***********************************************************
Mae passed away in Hobart and Leonard called 000. The 000 operator told
Leonard that she would send someone right away and asked where he
lived.
Leonard replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
After a long pause, Leonard said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak
Street and you pick her up there?"
********************
A Tassie policeman pulls over a pickup truck and says to the driver, "Got
any ID?"
The driver says, " 'Bout what?"
********************
Two Tasmanians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying a
sack.When they meet, one says, "Hey Marvin, watcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some lambs."
"If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?"
"Hey, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em."
"OK. Ummmmmmmm .... five?"
********************
A Tasmanian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, phoned the fire brigade & shouted, "Hurry over here - muh house is on fahr."
"OK" replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"
"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"
********************
Why do folks in Tasmania go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more?
Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted.
********************
Billy and Lester, two Tassies, were talking one afternoon when Billy
tells Lester, "Ah know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this
year, I'm gonna do it a little different.
The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Sue got pregnant. Two years ago you said go to Fiji and Sue got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Sue didn't get pregnant again".
"So" Lester asks Billy, "what you gonna do different?"
Billy says, "This year I'm taking Sue with me."
********************
Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tasmania to 32?
They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
********************
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tasmanian State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
********************
Why did most murderers want to move to Tasmania?
Because everyone has the same DNA.
********************
05-12-2014 07:14 PM - edited 05-12-2014 07:15 PM
05-12-2014 07:15 PM - edited 05-12-2014 07:17 PM
This is a prime example of Pickering.. not humor at all - a veiled (poor) attempt at his anti-Muslim stance.
Dear Tassal,
1 Is it true you have employed a group of halal licensed Muslims from the mainland who are each given a tube of Superglue and a box of fish scales?
2 Is it true that when fish scales are in short supply it’s “halal okay” to use toenail clippings?
3 Is there another group of halal licensed fishmongers further up the production line who then de-scale the salmon?
4 When killing these poor little buggers are they facing Mecca via Asia or via the South Pole?”
In one word - pathetic
I wouldn't be surprissed if he has never been to Tasmania either. He never knows what he is talking about all of the time.
05-12-2014 07:21 PM - edited 05-12-2014 07:22 PM
on 05-12-2014 07:37 PM
on 05-12-2014 08:14 PM
i gave you kudos for your joke post, because a joke is a joke. and they were funny.
you don't pay Pickering any subscription fees do you? cause that to would be a joke
05-12-2014 08:17 PM - edited 05-12-2014 08:19 PM
@aps1080 wrote:
Looks like he is taking the mickey out of halal.
What is wrong with that.
Hve you ever made a joke bout curry munchers, chinese being the reason for a lack stray of cats and dogs ?
Or australian culinary delight only extends to a pie and dead horse ?.
Same as above
Btw, he forgot one, about halal pork !
No, never, I don't make offensive comments. Racist connotations in those examples.
on 05-12-2014 09:11 PM
on 05-12-2014 09:18 PM
on 05-12-2014 09:27 PM
@am*3 wrote:This is a prime example of Pickering.. not humor at all - a veiled (poor) attempt at his anti-Muslim stance.
Dear Tassal,
1 Is it true you have employed a group of halal licensed Muslims from the mainland who are each given a tube of Superglue and a box of fish scales?
2 Is it true that when fish scales are in short supply it’s “halal okay” to use toenail clippings?
3 Is there another group of halal licensed fishmongers further up the production line who then de-scale the salmon?
4 When killing these poor little buggers are they facing Mecca via Asia or via the South Pole?”
In one word - pathetic
I wouldn't be surprissed if he has never been to Tasmania either. He never knows what he is talking about all of the time.
_________________
Yes thats very funny