TASSIE, THE LAND OF ODD
http://pickeringpost.com/story/tassie-the-land-of-odd/4220
It’s surprising the odd things Tasmania produces... things like Lambie, Milne, Wee Willy Wilkie, everything Green, a lot of things that are sexually confused and everything that’s Left of centre.
This spooky little land of fairies, mushrooms and special frogs seems addicted to stopping stuff. It even got rid of all their Aborigines because they were rumoured to be lighting fires and eating goannas.
The last Tasmanian Aborigine, Truganini, was found stuffing the remains of the only goanna left down his gob, and now they’re both extinct.
It seems everything in the Land of Odd is either endangered, like the Tasmanian Blobfish (pictured) or it’s heritage-listed or it's extinct!
They found something else to stop recently... the biggest Salmon producing joint on the island called Tassal. You see, the environmentalists and ABC journos have accused Tassal of having too many fish in the ocean and they want it stopped.
Last I heard was that some trawler intended taking too many fish out of the ocean and they wanted that stopped too.
Tassal uses the ocean to grow salmon to table size in huge nets and they’re doing pretty well at it... too well apparently.
They are making an absolute motza from flogging these fish but apparently they have been discovered killing these poor little buggers the wrong way and smoking them. And that’s just not on!
“
Smoking anything down there, except marijuana, is frowned upon.
But there is nothing that comes out of Tasmania that could possibly surprise me, that was until I noticed a little Arabic motif on my packet of Tassal smoked salmon that said, “halal certified”.
“WHAT I thought, as I raced to my little book of what Muslims mustn’t eat. And there is was: Buried among pork products and abused goats was, “fish without scales!”, I knew it was there somewhere.
Now I’ve hooked a few of salmon in my time and I’ve never seen one with scales, in fact they’ve all got skin like a well-oiled Kardashian butt and it’s as smooth as......... So how the hell did a salmon ever get on to a Muslim menu?
Very odd! I was intrigued and I kept having to remind myself that this was Tasmania. So I sent a list of questions to Tassal, pleading for an explanation.
“Dear Tassal,
1 Is it true you have employed a group of halal licensed Muslims from the mainland who are each given a tube of Superglue and a box of fish scales?
2 Is it true that when fish scales are in short supply it’s “halal okay” to use toenail clippings?
3 Is there another group of halal licensed fishmongers further up the production line who then de-scale the salmon?
4 When killing these poor little buggers are they facing Mecca via Asia or via the South Pole?”
I’ll let you know when I get a reply.
http://pickeringpost.com/story/tassie-the-land-of-odd/4220
Yes, but would Jackie Lambie pass the 6 beer "pub test" ??? 
(Brothers and sisters are excluded from answering):smileylol:
@the_great_she_elephant wrote:
@myoclon1cjerk wrote:
PickeRIng Is siCK. 🙂Nah, it's just his 'QUIRKY' sense of humour. I bet his daughter, Melanie was ROFL after this little joke posted on his FB page.
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?id=236991276355038&story_fbid=379997528721078
On the day of the race all 26 fully-trained drivers were assembling… there was a look of “kill” in every set of eyes, including mine.
“I will win or I will die”, I said to my mates.I was fourth on the grid after qualifying and quoted at 7/2.
Richard Wilkins had finished ninth the previous year. He had the hots for my daughter, Melanie, and had made a bet with me that I could not finish better than ninth. If I didn’t, he got to date her. What he really meant was that he wanted to r**t her... dirty **bleep**! If I finished better than ninth he would give her $1,000 instead of "dating" her.Channel Nine commentators got wind of the bet and said I was driving like a mad man for my daughter’s honor... true! …………………………………..
……………………………………………………………
I purposefully went wide and picked up a heap of dust to distract him. Then he tried everything to get past but he was gone, I covered every passing point and won by eight lengths.
I went to see Wilkins with all the cameras following and got the cheque made out to Melanie. “Thanks mate”, I said, “I couldn’t let you s**g my daughter… I haven’t knocked her off meself yet!”
(asterisks, mine - Pickering wasn't so coy.)
@the_great_she_elephant wrote:
@myoclon1cjerk wrote:
PickeRIng Is siCK. 🙂Nah, it's just his 'QUIRKY' sense of humour. I bet his daughter, Melanie was ROFL after this little joke posted on his FB page.
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?id=236991276355038&story_fbid=379997528721078
On the day of the race all 26 fully-trained drivers were assembling… there was a look of “kill” in every set of eyes, including mine.
“I will win or I will die”, I said to my mates.I was fourth on the grid after qualifying and quoted at 7/2.
Richard Wilkins had finished ninth the previous year. He had the hots for my daughter, Melanie, and had made a bet with me that I could not finish better than ninth. If I didn’t, he got to date her. What he really meant was that he wanted to r**t her... dirty **bleep**! If I finished better than ninth he would give her $1,000 instead of "dating" her.Channel Nine commentators got wind of the bet and said I was driving like a mad man for my daughter’s honor... true! …………………………………..
……………………………………………………………
I purposefully went wide and picked up a heap of dust to distract him. Then he tried everything to get past but he was gone, I covered every passing point and won by eight lengths.
I went to see Wilkins with all the cameras following and got the cheque made out to Melanie. “Thanks mate”, I said, “I couldn’t let you s**g my daughter… I haven’t knocked her off meself yet!”
(asterisks, mine - Pickering wasn't so coy.)
what sort of a father is that??
no don't answer 
@aps1080 wrote:
am
Just like Irish jokes then ?
And every other nation that takes the mickey out of anther nation in humour.
What is wrong with having a laugh ?
ALL Comedy is due to someone else's tragedy.
A photon walked into a hotel and checked in.
Desk clerk: "Sir, may I take your bags to your room ?"
Photon: "No thanks, I'm travelling light."
