To have or not to have

[newstart2380]

A couple with 7 children are having a baby with 2 faces in July, both parents on welfare have decided whatever will be will be. The baby girl has one body, 2 arms, 2 legs, one heart and the only difference is that the baby will have 2 faces with 4 eyes. there have been only 35 known cases in the world and none have survived, they had the option to abort. What pressures does this put on all other members of the family ?

[darksideofthemoon]

Ya know something?  Too many doctors and specialists forgetting who the parents are.  Too much interference and not enough comprehension of how the parents feel.  Everyone with with opinions and none of them in the parents' shoes.

I was pleased to see that the little girl born in India with two faces was fully accepted by her village and that doctors who wanted to do tests on her have been stopped by the father who refuses to allow them to touch her.  He wants her left in peace.  Bless him 

[polksaladallie]

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@newstart2380 wrote:

i know a family which has 3 children, one is severely disabled and it was diagnosed before birth. they decided to have this child and as beautiful as he/she might be it has cost the family dearly. Most families which have a child with a disability do not survive and the parents separate as this family is doing. it is a massive strain on all other members of the family but in particular the other siblings who miss out on so much. if i knew i was having a child with a severe disability and knowing what I now know I would seriously consider termination for the sake of my other children and partner.

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This is not true.  The separation/family disintegration rate is exactly the same as those without a child with disabilities.

[lloydslights]

It is as if we are numbers. "Get them in, get them out".  Less compassion, less listening.  Have this test, that test.  Rush, rush, rush. It is as if they are keeping each other in jobs. "Budget". The reports have to be written. We might be sued.......

DEB

[lurker17260]

My sister had a baby who had severe Downs Syndrome and other serious problems.  He only lived 3 days. 

It was staggering the comments otherwise well meaning people made to her: "Oh well, at least you hadn't time to get used to him"  "It's probably a blessing really" etc.  Her response was "would you say the same thing if it was my husband that had died after being married only 3 days?"

That little boy was, and still is, as loved and cherished as all her children, and is still remembered and loved in our larger family.  He would have been 28 this year.

What I'm trying to say is we shouldn't devalue the lives of these little people, whatever their problems, or however short their lives may be.

[lloydslights]

Mother Nature.....

My brother and sister in law had a full term stillborn.  Absolutely gut wrenching, heart aching, angry and sad time.

The assistance available now to parents in that situation is so much better than in the "old days".  They are encouraged to have the grieving process.

DEB

[boris1gary]

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@crikey*mate wrote:

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@boris1gary wrote:

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@crikey*mate wrote:

I like that story Am3, thanks for publishing it, and I diodn't realize it was a Sydney family. That means that the child will have access to decent medical care if needed, so it at least has a shot.

Somebody should fight for that baby, if not the parents, then who, Just because the fight might be short or fruitless, does that mean that this child has any less value than another?

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I don't think anyone was doing that, I would take into account the quality of life and if any and how much pain should be expected for the baby, before anything else.

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By that criteria, according to the "experts" my surviving eldest shouldn't be here, and his older siblings should never have been given a chance.

My first didn't make it, my second only made 4 days, but the experts told us no medical intervention would help, so we didn't fight for that child, we just believed the experts and watched him die whilst no one did a thing, not even his parents.

We fought for the next one and have been doing so for nearly 18 years now.

and 5 years ago this week, my youngest child got sick and the doctors told us there was no hope. Said she would be dead within the hour and would we consider organ donation. They refused to treat her. Medicare nor our Private Health Fund would help, so we had to pay doctors ourselves. It took 7 weeks in hospital and another 12 months of rehab, but she came out just fine.

So I can say this from experience, that the experts aren't always right, and the pain from not even trying, from not fighting for your own child is far greater than any pain you experience from losing one.

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I don't think anyone was doing that, I would take into account the quality of life and if any and how much pain should be expected for the baby, before anything else. 

Thats all i said crikey, not what i would do after taking the baby's quality of life and pain into account - just that would be my priority above any other consideration. Pain is a terrible beast, chronic pain can be unbearable to adults.

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[bluecat*dancing]

I would hate to have to make that choice because it would be hard either way. I would choose to terminate.

[pixie-six]

"Hello Everyone! 

Please remember to be respectful towards each other when discussing such a sensitive subject. 

Thanks!"

[freakiness]

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@bluecat*dancing wrote:

I would hate to have to make that choice because it would be hard either way. I would choose to terminate.

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Yes, I think I would be inclined to go that way, especially with 7 other children and a parent with a disability to care for.

However, it's easy to talk when one is not in the position. The reality is we don't know what we'd do until we find ourselves in that situation.

[boris1gary]

everyone is entitled to make their decisions (if faced with such difficulties), some may put their religious convictions first, some may put quality of life (for baby) first, some may put economics first (or be forced to), or family matters or their own ability in coping, the reasons could go on and on.

None of these things invalidate the other, no choice is more "right" or "wrong" than the other.