Tommys Joke Page

Tommys Joke Page 2015
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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..

I am not a fan of facebook as it seems to be a platform for making me feel **bleep** about my life. I am sure everyone lies about their wonderful lives on it. So, here is my interpretation of what is really being said on Facebookโ€ฆ..

Wow..suitcase packed off on our lovely hols with my amazing husband and wonderful children
( I am shattered from being up all night packing for these lazy **bleep**sโ€ฆ.I want to drink wine already and its only 4am and we are not even at the airport yet)

Just cooked a lovely tea ( insert picture), canโ€™t wait to snuggle down with my man and eat it!
(hope he chokes on itโ€ฆand I didnโ€™t cook it at all, I warmed it up then put it on a plate so you will all think I am a domestic goddess)

Had the most amazing night with my lovely friendsโ€ฆ
( spent most of the night providing shoulder to cry on for recently dumped friend, trying to stop desperate friend shagging inappropriate man, holding hair for โ€˜shots all nightโ€™ friend while she vomits up ยฃ40 worth of boozeโ€ฆ..never again.)

Just had a lovely bath complete with candles!!
( had to wash as covered in horse **bleep** and electricity ran out so was forced to use a candle.)

Enjoyed a lovely long walk with the dogs today!
( because the f*ckers ran off and it took me 5 miles to catch them.)

Had a lovely day with all the family today!
( what was lovely about it was when they went home)

Am off to see a lovely friend of mine I have not seen since school!
( hope she is fatter and looks older than me)

Spent a lovely afternoon making cakes with the kids!
( will now have to spend the rest of the week cleaning cake batter off the ceiling the fecking animals)

Canโ€™t wait to hit the shops with my daughters today! Girlie shopping!
( goodbye salary hello strops and arguments โ€“ just kill me now)

Going to have a lovely relaxing early night!
( have to get to bed and asleep pronto, hubby feeling fruity, am not in mood so instigating avoidance tactics)

.

Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset.. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your
children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell
you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the
last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid
you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments..

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans
that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they
not the "in" name this year.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the
same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for
my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned
to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..
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