Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[tommy.irene]

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father." nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again, in their new attire, settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father." and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady." "Yes, Father?" "We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are." "Father, it's me, Sister Angela." she replied

[tommy.irene]

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, ‘Son, how old are you?’ ‘Eight’, the boy replied. The man continued, ‘Do you know what these are used for?’ The boy replied, ‘Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four.” “Oh, really?” the pharmacist replied with a grin. “Yes.” the boy said. “We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do none of those.”

[tommy.irene]

Tommy had reached the age of 76 but suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the priest went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Priest asked, "Tommy, how come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" Tommy looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you Father," he whispered. "When I got to be 70, I expected God to take me any day because I'd got to three score years and ten. But then I got to be 75, then 76 So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

[tommy.irene]

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[tommy.irene]

http://www.newslinq.com/step-dad-stops-funding-wedding-v1/

[tommy.irene]

If this is true, this is interesting! After succumbing to a fever of some sort in 1705, Irish woman Margorie McCall was hastily buried to prevent the spread of whatever had done her in. Margorie was buried with a valuable ring, which her husband had been unable to remove due to swelling. This made her an even better target for body snatchers, who could cash in on both the corpse and the ring. The evening after Margorie was buried, before the soil had even settled, the grave-robbers showed up and started digging. Unable to pry the ring off the finger, they decided to cut the finger off. As soon as blood was drawn, Margorie awoke from her coma, sat straight up and screamed. The fate of the grave-robbers remains unknown. One story says the men dropped dead on the spot, while another claims they fled and never returned to their chosen profession. Margorie climbed out of the hole and made her way back to her home. Her husband John, a doctor, was at home with the children when he heard a knock at the door. He told the children, “If your mother were still alive, I’d swear that was her knock.” When he opened the door to find his wife standing there, dressed in her burial clothes, blood dripping from her finger but very much alive, he dropped dead to the floor. He was buried in the plot Margorie had vacated. Margorie went on to re-marry and have several children. When she did finally die, she was returned to Shankill Cemetery in Lurgan, Ireland, where her gravestone still stands. It bears the inscription “Lived Once, Buried Twice.”

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

Two Kiwis are walking down a street in Sydney. One of the Kiwis happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said: "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair". The Kiwi says to his mate, " look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to New Zealund we could make a fortune! Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us, so I'll speak in my best Aussie accent." They enter the shop and the Kiwi says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my ute and..." The owner of the shop interrupts. "You're from New Zealund, aren't you?" "Well... Yes," says the surprised Kiwi. "How the hell did you pick that?" The shop owner replied, "This is a dry cleaners, mate!

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

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