Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[kengillard]

hi Tommy.

more jokes please.........some are really great!♥

[tommy.irene]

 Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from
an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.

The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died."
"Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Replied Ben
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul.
"What ya going to do with him?" asked Ben.
"I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul.
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben.
"Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul.
A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul.
"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben.
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said Jean Paul.

[the_hawk*]

now thats a good one :^O

[freakiness]

now thats a good one :^O

That it is   :^O

[tommy.irene]

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when
Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead
at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing
standing up.

Finkbeiner looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?"

They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs and has to carry the
news. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation
any worse.

Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my
middle name. Leave it to me."

So Goldberg goes to the Meyerwitz unit and knocks on the door. Mrs
Meyerwitz yells from behind the door what he wants?

Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is
afraid to come home. He needs more money."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg

[tommy.irene]

OMG I just saw your reply, I hope not she was always happy and fun to chat to. Lyn 😞 I notice you have a second similar ID you post with some times on a different thread

...Hawk..  What ID is that....

[tommy.irene]

This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness. Someone who teaches at a middle school in Safety Harbor, Florida , forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Safety Harbor Middle School :

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor
Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away.
I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking
of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before
I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when
she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot
of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could
listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna

[tommy.irene]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came
upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling
somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

+ Tourist: £5
+ Broiled Missionary: £10
+ Fried Explorer: £15
+ Baked Politician: £100

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
'Why such a price difference for the Politician?'
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of xxxx, it takes all morning."

[tommy.irene]

  Prince William Divorces Kate Middleton After 6 months
'I Made A Terrible Mistake' Says Heir To British Throne
15/2/ 2012 | ISSUE 47•22

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Related Articles LONDON—Barely 6 months after marrying 29-year-old Kate Middleton in a royal wedding ceremony watched by an estimated 2 billion people worldwide, Prince William announced Tuesday that he and Middleton have divorced and that the entire marriage was "a tremendous mistake in every possible regard." "I really don't know what I was thinking—we're a terrible match, I don't love her and never have, and, to be honest, I never really had any interest in being married in the first place," announced the now unattached Prince William to a dead-silent British press corps. "People thought our wedding was some sort of fairy tale, but I assure you it was all just some ghastly ceremonial farce that got out of hand. I'm just relieved it's over, frankly. And I'm glad I'll never have to see that awful woman again." Prince William then told the assembled reporters, "Well, see you all later," smiled, and walked back into Buckingham Palace.

[tommy.irene]

 
 
Joined: Feb 2007 Location: Getting In Touch With My Dysfunctional Side... Posts: 1,926
Re: Jokes: A little light distraction! Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.

" My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.


Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.


"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.


About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.


"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!"