Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I've been invited to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends to go fishing, for the long weekend.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a three-day weekend.
And also, would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I'll swing by the house to pick-up my things. Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.”
The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
Following the long weekend he returns home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, “Yes! Lots of walleyes, some bass, and a few pike.” "But", he said, "why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas, like I asked you to do?”
The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".

Never, Never, Never try to outsmart a woman!

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

A London solicitor parked his brand new Porsche in the front of his office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and took off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught the solicitor grabbed his mobile and called the police. Five minutes later the police arrive. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterically:

“My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it’s at the panel beaters, it’ll never be the same again!”

After the man finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disgust. “I can’t believe how materialistic you solicitors are”, he said.

“You lot are so focused on your possessions, that you don’t notice anything else in your life!”

“How can you say such a thing at a time like this?” sobbed the Porsche owner.

“Didn’t you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?”

The man looked down in horror, he screamed.

“Where’s my Rolex???”

[tommy.irene]

The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything..

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

She answered

'THE TEETH'. ”