Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[serendipityricho]

Tom--your postings are not wasted--read the last one twice.

Can relate to most of it,

Regards to Pat and Mick.............Richo...............

[tommy.irene]

For those of us who are old enough to know about oestrogen issues and you young ladies who have this to look forward to. J
Pregnancy, Oestrogen, and Women 

PREGNANCY Q & A & more! 

Q: Should I have a baby after 35? 
A: No, 35 children is enough. 

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? 
A: With any luck, right after he finishes university. 

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? 
A: Childbirth. 

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. 
A: So what's your question? 

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a cyclone might be called an air current. 

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? 
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant. 

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour? 
A: Not unless the word 'child support payment' means anything to you. 

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? 
A: Yes, pregnancy. 

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower? 
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly 

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? 
A: When the kids are in university. 

'OESTROGEN ISSUES' 

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'OESTROGEN ISSUES' 

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette. 
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 
5. You 're using your mobile phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 0800-'. 
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.' 
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.. 
10. The Nurofen Plus box is empty and you bought it yesterday. 

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND 
10. Cats' facial expressions. 
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 
7. Fat clothes. 
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 
3. Eyelash curlers. 
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 

AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 

OTHER WOMEN

[imastawka]

Just to confirm, you are not a voice in the wilderness. I have read and enjoyed every post and

was particularly taken by yesterday's. I do most of those myself and yes, who cares

what anybody thinks. We can enjoy getting old and pleasing no one but ourselves.

We love Tommy the 74 year old nutcase   

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

The Doctor, asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

[tommy.irene]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's
okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny
porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and
disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called
Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he
wants to use this as collateral."She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in
the world is this?"



The bank manager looks back at her and says.
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan,
His old man's a Rolling Stone."



I bet you just sang that!
the old ones are the best.

[tommy.irene]

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear; “do you want to live with papa bear?” The baby bear replied; "No he beats me. " The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"

[tommy.irene]

A woman is a complicated creature. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

[tommy.irene]

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating straight away.

“Johnny, wait until we've said our prayer,” his mother reminded him.

“I don’t have to.” – the little boy replied.

“Of course you do.” – his mother insisted. “We say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s at our house,” Johnny explained, “but this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”

[tommy.irene]

We live in a society today where pizza delivery comes to your house before the police