on โ11-04-2009 07:38 PM
Solved! Go to Solution.
on โ06-06-2014 04:51 PM
A pilot landed a plane with a rather bumpy landing. As part of his job he was required to stand by the terminal door and say goodbye to the passengers as they exited the airplane. He was afraid that someone might say something about his rather less than perfect landing, but everyone left without saying a word except for one passenger, an elderly lady, she slowly approached the pilot after most passengers had exited the plane and asked, "Did we land? Or were we shot down?"
on โ07-06-2014 04:02 PM
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."
"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
on โ08-06-2014 03:19 PM
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
on โ09-06-2014 03:27 PM
A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. โIโm afraid her mindโs completely gone,โ he said. โMakes sense,โ mumbled the man. โSheโs been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years.โ
on โ10-06-2014 04:41 PM
An airplane encountered some turbulence, it started juddering and rocking noticeably from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a business man โWould you like a drink? โWhy not?โ he replied unkindly โIโll have whatever the pilotโs been having.
on โ11-06-2014 03:07 PM
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, โIf Iโm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.โ
She removes all her clothing and asks, โIs there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?โ
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, โHere, iron this!โ.
on โ12-06-2014 04:35 PM
A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was **bleep**. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letters.
on โ13-06-2014 03:53 PM
A man is talking to his best friend about married life.
โYou know,โ he says, โI really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But thereโs always that doubt.โ
His friend says, โYeah, I know what you mean.โ
A couple of weeks later the man has to go out of town on business. Before he goes, he gets together with his friend.
โWhile Iโm away, could you do me a favor? Could you watch my house and see if there is anything fishy going on? I mean, I trust my wife but thereโs always that doubt.โ
The friend agrees to help out, and the man leaves town.
Two weeks later he comes back and meets his friend.
โSo did anything happen?โ
โI have some bad news for you,โ says the friend.
โThe day after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house. The horn honked and your wife ran out and got into the car and they drove away. Later, after dark, the car came back. I saw your wife and a strange man get out. They went into the house and I saw a light go on, so I ran over and looked in the window. Your wife was kissing the man. Then he took off his shirt. Then she took off her blouse. Then they turned off the light.โ
โThen what happened?โ says the man.
โI donโt know. It was too dark to see.โ
โ**bleep**, you see what I mean? Thereโs always that doubt.โ
on โ14-06-2014 05:00 PM
on โ15-06-2014 05:26 PM
A man started a new job at a zoo. He was given his first job by the zoo owner โ to clean out the large tropical fish tank, which contained many exotic species.
While removing some gravel from the tank with his spade, he accidently hit one of the fish and killed it. Worried about losing his job for this mistake, he decided to hide the evidence. He took the fish and fed it to the lions because lions eat anything.
The zoo owner did not notice the missing fish and gave the man a new job โ to muck out the chimps. He was in the middle of mucking out when two of the chimps became a bit over familiar and, in an attempt to get them away the man lashed out with his spade, killing two chimps. In his panic he decided to hide the evidence and fed the unfortunate chimpanzees to the lions because lions eat anything.
The zoo owner was pleased with the manโs work and as his final task for the day he asked him to collect honey from the zooโs beehives. The man tried hard to do this without upsetting the bees, but some got angry and stung him. He grabbed his spade and whirled it above his head, squashing and killing several dozen bees. Plagued with guilt, he fed these to the lions as well because lions eat anything.
The next day, a new lion arrived at the zoo. He enquired of the existing residents โwhatโs the food like here?โ One of the zooโs resident lions said, โOh, itโs great. Only yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.โ