What Does Your Coffee Say About You

[icyfroth]

Barista spills the beans on coffee customers   Read more:  http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/food/barista-spills-the-beans-on-coffee-customers/story-fneuz8wn-12...

  So, what does your brew say about you?

Cafe Latte

The latte-lover tends to be a bit softer, like a milky latte. They can be  more romantic than others and are probably still friends with their first crush!  They are the ones who always stay back at work (and actually mean to) without  ever complaining. They would bring in their own heater and high-altitude gear  rather than ask for the heating to be turned up. They're generally pretty nice  people.

Flat White

Straight-up types. No fuss or pomp here. On the downside, flat-whiter  drinkers may lack imagination. These people are not early adopters - they  probably still have their Nokia mobile phones. But they will tell it exactly how  it is (if your butt looks big and you ask them, they WILL tell you). They're  traditionalists.

Long Black

This person is all about strength and a long black suits stamina needs. This  person is busy, fast and on the go (as kids their parents would tell them they  had ants in their pants). They also can tend to show off.

Cappuccino

The capp-lover doesn't really indulge in their coffee as much as they should.  They probably had their first 'capp' when they were about 25 and haven't  deviated since. They are still a child at heart who really loves that chocolate  sprinkle on the top! They are probably from the country.

Affogato

Beware - the person who opts for the Affagato (scoop of vanilla ice cream in  a martini glass with a shot of espresso on the side) may also like a 'little  here and a little there'. These types find it hard to settle down in a  relationship, a job or whatever. They're often reading five books at once and  rarely finish any of them. They join the gym, go twice and talk about it  thereafter. Unless of course the Affogato is ordered as dessert, in which case,  they have excellent taste.

Short Black

The purist. The person who orders the authentic espresso takes life and  themselves very seriously. They have no time for fancy adornments like milk or a  dusting of chocolate. They want to get straight to business. They are often CEOs  and leaders. They make decisions quickly and rarely back down. There's not much  'grey' in this person's life which could annoy those around them.

Macchiato

What about the person who orders the short macchiato, or 'short mac' to those  cool enough to drink it? This is the tipple of choice for the coffee-savvy young  professional. They work and play fast, so have fun but be careful of burnout!  This coffee is on the rise. As young gen Y-ers take over the coffee scene, the  short mac is cool and everywhere.

Piccolo Latte

Piccolo lattes are cool in the inner city these days. It's a quick milky  caffeine hit. But really, shouldn't you be having an espresso? These people are  early adopters - they see a trend and jump on it. Pack people.

Vienna

With whipped cream traditionally part of a Vienna, the person who orders this  regularly is one who likes the finer things in life. They have high  expectations, are demanding and a touch clingy. But they're also very loyal when  all their ducks sit nicely in a row. High maintenance.

Hot Mocha

While this is a great order Après-skiing, it's probably not appropriate in  most urban settings. Those who order it are often drifters. They find it hard to  settle down. They always want to be somewhere else. They're constantly planning  trips and dreaming about other places. Indecisive.

Hot Chocolate

Beware of the hot chocolate-drinker. They suffer from Aspirational Caffeine  User Syndrome. They can be complete faux coffee-drinkers, posing as latte  sippers since hot chocolate is now poured into takeaway cups. Trust issues  here.

Mellocino

Marshmallows, seriously? This person may be very in touch with their feelings  but they're not great at dealing with reality. Consider this a red flag.

Chai Latte

Excellent choice for after Bikram yoga, a 40km bush walk or a spot of nude  surfing. Cool.

Caramel Latte

Another new, sweetened version of real coffee. Watch for the inordinate  amount of hair products, tight jeans and sculpted eyebrows - in either sex. They  use lots of 'likes' in their speech, take lots of selfies and are always  connected. Over-sharers.

Tea

Tea drinkers are real, wholesome and deep-thinkers. Beware the drinkers of  newfangled flavoured teas. Tea drinkers are usually early morning people and  read books. Real books with pages and ink.

Ristretto

Another Purists Pour. This person is a staunch perfectionist with  unreasonably high standards. They can be controlling. They are likely a  politician.

Iced Coffee

The Clayton's Coffee. Great if you are a tradie and can't find a barista open  at 5am but that's about it. If all the 'stars' in LA waltz around with iced  Starbucks it doesn't mean we have to. It breaks so many rules that the coffee  connoisseur holds dear to their heart. The only way coffee should be taken cold  is as a coffee martini!

I usually either have a cappuccino if it's in the afternoon or a short black if it's after dinner.

Which type are you?

[i-need-a-martini]

Karen - the only coffees served small are Espresso (short black), Ristretto which is an even shorter black - less water so it is about half the amount than an Espresso or a Coretto which is an Espresso served with a dollop of liquor.

I suspect you are probably talking about a Ristretto. It basically means that the drink is 'restricted' - it has the same amount of coffee as Espresso but half the amount of water. They are normally served in an Espresso cup but sometimes they are served in what looks like an Espresso cup and saucer, but the bottom of the cup is thick as is the rim.

[i-need-a-martini]

And on saying that very few Australian baristas know how to do a Ristretto and they certainly don't know how to do an Affugato.

[vampire-teddy]

i love cappucino but don't like the chocolate sprinkle and am not from the country.  though I still a child at heart

[cherry*135]

I am same as Bob drink water or fruit juice mostly. No tea or coffee ever.

Will drink hot chocolate in the winter when out and about.

Hot Chocolate

Beware of the hot chocolate-drinker. They suffer from Aspirational Caffeine  User Syndrome. They can be complete faux coffee-drinkers, posing as latte  sippers since hot chocolate is now poured into takeaway cups. Trust issues  here.

Who has the trust issues here ... the barrista or the hot choc drinker?

[just_me_karen]

Ristretto. That's what it is! Thanks martini, I'll try to remember that. It was very strong, very tiny, like a pure shot. Perfect!

Ipad tried to autocorrect it to rust retro lol

[i-need-a-martini]

You will never get it in a bar Karen because the modern machines won't allow the water flow to slow down. That's why you always end up with an Espresso. It needs a handmade extraction.

I have only it done properly in a cafe in Surry Hills in Sydney. They have a special machine specifically for them. They pack the coffee in tight so that the water has to work really hard to make it through the grounds.

[icyfroth]

---

@j*oono wrote:

Recently we grabbed a quick breakfast in what turned out to be a bit of a hoity toity bistro.  

I ordered just some raisin toast and a cup of tea.  After being informed that they don't do raisin toast, only fruit toast I was asked what kind of tea I would like.  White I said.  With a roll of the eyes she flicked her head at the chalk board of about 30 different types of teas.  In a panic I managed to recognise one I knew.  Umm English breakfast?

If I had known about this I would have ordered a flat white and told her that her apron made her butt look big.

---

the coveted five laughy-face award for that one, Joono!

[just_me_karen]

Ohhh that's a shame, it was my most favourite coffee ever. Can you make it at home with one of those Italian espresso stovetop gizmos?

[i-need-a-martini]

Absolutely!

You can onloy make it in a single or double cup cafeteria. Or one of those little el cheapo espresso ones where you sit the cup under the prongs and put the whole thing on the stove.

You have to grind the beans a little finer than usual. The pack the coffee seriously tight in the funnel. Make sure you pack the sides and it has to be 100% full to the top. Otherwise you get water pooling or winding their way down the sides - this filters rather than extracts the coffee.

Water should be three quarters full but you may need to experiment with this. 

Should come our really creamy. With the single pronged cafetarias (I have one like this: http://homeappliances.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/mini-express/), you can pull the cup away for the initial water that comes through and the final one because this is usually the watery and bitter bits. You can't do that with the standards hourglass shaped cafeterias.

[just_me_karen]

My stovetop espresso maker cost 2.50 at a fete and isn't quite as sparkly as yours 😄 but it makes pretty good coffee. I'll try it tomorrow with tightly packed coffee and if it doesn't work I'll see if I can get my local cafe to make it. Thanks!