What are the boundaries on visiting family?

[givemeaspell]

What sort if any boundaries are there on visiting family members?  Is the pop in acceptable or you prefer getting a heads up or an invite?  When my children move out of home I hope that I don't have to be asked over for a visit but at the same time I wouldn't just rock up without a call to say if it's suitable.  My parents have a habit of coming to mine at least once a day and they just walk around the back and let themselves in...this annoys me because I think everyone is entitled to their privacy but if I said anything they would be so offended, I wonder if I am being mean thinking this way?  I am very close to them but this really grates on my nerves to the point I find I don't give them much when they visit, I know they are getting old and time is precious so feel a bit awful thinking this way.  anyone have similar situation as im interested to know what sort of visits you get from family.

[happyroo_bunji]

It clearly is bothering you, so I think you need to say something to them.  You could say something like "Hey mum & dad, its best if you come and visit between 11am and 4pm, so you don't get a repeat of the other day"

That way you can make sure you are both fully clothed during those times.

[daydream**believer]

I moved 20,000 k away from my family 🙂

yep 🙂

I  moved 16 hours away from mine

[lurker17260]

I would love to have pop-in's with my family, I am very close to my mum and sisters, but they all live in NZ so that's isn't going to happen.  However, I would NEVER walk into anyone's house without knocking and being asked inside. That's just rude; as you say it's not just your house but your OH's as well, and he deserves his privacy (especially when he's wear your mothers underwear :-p)

I think az's "I wish you would call/send a message before you come in case I am busy/out. I would hate to miss you." might do the trick.  Nice and friendly but still conveying your message.

[crystal**flake]

When my kids move out they can pop in anytime but a knock at the door would be a must, like what the op just said we too could be nude ect.

Everyone else has to ring me I cant stand pop in from others

[givemeaspell]

I would love to have pop-in's with my family, I am very close to my mum and sisters, but they all live in NZ so that's isn't going to happen.  However, I would NEVER walk into anyone's house without knocking and being asked inside. That's just rude; as you say it's not just your house but your OH's as well, and he deserves his privacy (especially when he's wear your mothers underwear :-p)

I think az's "I wish you would call/send a message before you come in case I am busy/out. I would hate to miss you." might do the trick.  Nice and friendly but still conveying your message.

The ring/send a message thing wont work because they live within walking distance so it wouldn't bother them to go back and then just come again.  My OH is going to put up a side gate (extreme I know) and it will be locked so they can't access back door - we have been thinking of this anyway due to robberies in the area.  I wish I could just say hey would u mind knocking but I know my mother and she would be so offended she is also suffering from anxiety so don't want to push her over the edge.  My daughter said to me the other day don't u dare do that to me when I move out LOL, I wouldn't dream of it and I have no doubt she would let me know.  She used to have a key and let herself in the front door even if we were home, I got that key back and thought I had solved the problem but hence it continues. 

[sandypas]

My house is an open door.  I don't care who pops in or when.  They take me as they find me.  Sometimes I have a pj day and if they don't like it, bad luck.  My kids usually just walk in and I have one close friend who will knock then open the door.  I wish both our parents were still around to pop in - we didn't move away, we moved back close to them.  When my parents were alive and we both worked (before kids), we would pop in on them 2 or 3 times a week after work and usually end up staying for dinner.

[kengillard]

I've only one child that lives here Qld.    We talk every day on  FB and have lunch about once a month. 

I prefer to be told if anyone is comin to visit....so I can tidy and clean up a bit...:-D

[catsnknots]

oh.. I get what the problem is... 

they need to knock... you need to have a chat and just say that they nearly caught the other half walking around naked and can they please knock for privacy.... and wait for either a cal lto come in or a door to be opened. 

If you are close to them they will understand.. 

[the_great_she_elephant]

If it is really starting to bother you, then you absolutely MUST say something, otherwise the resentment is going to keep building and festering inside you until one day you explode - possibly over something totally unrelated - leaving them hurt and bewildered and you consumed with guilt.

[i-need-a-martini]

Immediate family shouldn't have to make an appointment.

But on saying they they should knock.

The easy way to fix that is to have OH walk around naked. Once they are confronted by that they should think twice about coming in through the back door unannounced.

I have a similar problem. But we fixed it. We went away with my parents once and they kept walking into our bedroom. So hubby decided to sleep naked sprawled on top of the covers. On his back. That's how we solved the problem. ]:)