What are the boundaries on visiting family?

[givemeaspell]

What sort if any boundaries are there on visiting family members?  Is the pop in acceptable or you prefer getting a heads up or an invite?  When my children move out of home I hope that I don't have to be asked over for a visit but at the same time I wouldn't just rock up without a call to say if it's suitable.  My parents have a habit of coming to mine at least once a day and they just walk around the back and let themselves in...this annoys me because I think everyone is entitled to their privacy but if I said anything they would be so offended, I wonder if I am being mean thinking this way?  I am very close to them but this really grates on my nerves to the point I find I don't give them much when they visit, I know they are getting old and time is precious so feel a bit awful thinking this way.  anyone have similar situation as im interested to know what sort of visits you get from family.

[i-need-a-martini]

Oh and if OH is caught your parents are bound to say "Why can't he put some clothes on." to which you say "perhaps you can knock next time - we could have been doing anything."

So you can use the incident as an excuse without offending them.

[givemeaspell]

haha that would def put them off....have to ask hubby if he's up to the task!

They do it to my brother as well, but his front door is usually open but they do have a key and he has been in his yard and they have let themselves in, he wasn't happy either.  I get was the great she is saying because I do find myself becoming resentful, and so do my adult kids that live at home and I don't want them to feel that way about their grandparents so yes I agree something has to be done.  I just wanted to check with others because I thought maybe I was being unreasonable but most people here say they would appreciate a knock at the door.  

[givemeaspell]

there are a few over the top issues, like if I'm not home my mother will ring my brother to find out where I have gone.  He just says "no idea" even if he knows.   I find the older they get the more dependent they are becoming, never used to be like that.  I think that when some people retire/get older they don't stay active and I believe that is part of the problem, I told my Dad the other day I don't want to hear about anymore people's illnesses....stop telling me who is about to drop off the perch or who has LOL 

[givemeaspell]

my last post was in response to ssshhh, regarding other boundary issues.

[daydream**believer]

"Immediate family shouldn't have to make an appointment."

Its not an appointment, its a phone call to see if its ok to drop over.

Its common courtesy.

What if you had an appointment, or for what ever reason, were heading out and they just drop in un announced.

Do you have to cancel your plans?

[azureline**]

Oh, I missed that bit.... most definitely everyone should knock. My doors are always locked. My children have keys but only use them if we are not here. If we are home and they visit, they always knock or ring the bell, I would never enter someone else's home without knocking etc 😮

[azureline**]

and DDB, if I am about to go out or have an apt, it's a given that we just go anyway, sometimes they will offer to take me.

[everything*that*i*ever*wanted]

We often have people drop in unannounced and have been "unprepared". It only took once or twice of looking obviously dishevelled before it didn't happen again. We don't get a great deal of privacy having two daughters and often have their friends staying etc. We are not the "sneaky" type so we wait for when the house is empty.

Our front screen door is always locked and no-one will come into our backyard...and make it back out...unless they are with us.

We never drop in unannounced unless we know it is ok to do so eg "Come by anytime don't worry about calling". Any other time we send a message or call and say we are on our way or what is the best time.

I agree, get hubby to greet them at the back door commando style !

[patchoo78]

I don't get any visits from family, my Dad is my only family up here and he lives over the other side of town and doesn't drive anymore so I don't think he would ride over and just pay me a visit. On the occasion he does come over he calls first to make sure I'm at home.

Outside of family we don't get many random visits either, usually friends will call and check if we're at home so they can come over.. 

I prefer getting a warning so I can tidy up a bit before people come over. 

However, down where my Dad's side of the family is it's quite common to not only show up unannounced but to walk in as if you lived there LOL I guess it's just something about being in a country town. 

I usually call people if I'm planning on visiting someone, I have a friend who doesn't mind random drop ins but I don't like showing up at friends houses unannounced

As for being fully clothed.. I'm often in my pyjamas after I have got everything done for the morning, if anyone comes over unannounced, well they can just deal with me being in my Pyjamas 😄

[shhh_its_me]

It's nice that I'm still so loved around here. 

Its easy to see you are thinking this because you a mean or don't love your parents op, so maybe the side gate and a couple of comments to your parents about privacy issues in the neighbourhood or similar will help slow them down.