Who Should Pay

[grandmoon]

Granddaughter's Ex want their son to go to the most expensive Catholic College in the area. He said as he is paying child support she should pay the school fees. She has offered to sent the boy to the local Catholic school and they both pay half of the fees. But if he wants the boy to go to the college he should pay all expenses over and above those of the public school. The Ex didn't go to a private school, he went to the local public school as did the Mother.

[cherry*135]

A couple with children at private schools, who end up getting separated/divorced... often the children have to leave the private school and go back to public due to the cost of fees. One or both parent (s) can no longer afford to continue paying the fees or 1/2 the fees.

[siggie-reported-by-alarmists]

I think that would be a fairly common occurrence Am3.

What a couples intentions were in their ideal world is irrelevant down the track when the situation has changed.

[azureline**]

Children should not suffer for the parent's choices either....................... it may be that they have the funds to pay for whatever school they choose........

[fourandsixpants]

ref my earlier comment:

this arrangement could backfire in Mum's face if she is the one who is main carer and signs to agree to allow child to go to this school.....the school would obviously ask BOTH parents for fees in the end ....and whom would get hurt the most as a result, NOT the parents, the son would have to leave the school???

This is all about domination, power-mongering by Father of the Mother.....appearing to be concerned about welfare of son.

I could well be wrong. Sure, he might be the 'goodie' in the story.....then this 'goodie' Daddy should pay the high fees and stop whinging his bottom off.

God some people use and abuse their children whilst taking out there angst on the ex. Makes me fume.

........................................................................................................

IMO this is a form of 'Economic abuse', by the Father on the Mother full stop. Only thing is the child's best interests are NOT being addressed if abuse of the Mother is being threatened. The child could be subjected to unnecessary school moves too and fro.....all to serve the Father's angst.

I would just ignore the Father's request/demands for private schooling unless he put in writing that all school fees would be paid by him and as the Mother I would request in writing through a legal advocate perhaps insist that ALL the term fees for duration of education at this wonderful institution be paid in ADVANCE and put into a TRUST ACCOUNT for the child, for school fees ONLY etc......arguing in best interest of child and that continuation of education at this institution is GUARANTEED.

That should shut everybody up?

[fourandsixpants]

this arrangement could backfire in Mum's face if she is the one who is main carer and signs to agree to allow child to go to this school.....the school would obviously ask BOTH parents for fees in the end ....and whom would get hurt the most as a result, NOT the parents, the son would have to leave the school???

This is all about domination, power-mongering by Father of the Mother.....appearing to be concerned about welfare of son.

I could well be wrong. Sure, he might be the 'goodie' in the story.....then this 'goodie' Daddy should pay the high fees and stop whinging his bottom off.

God some people use and abuse their children whilst taking out there angst on the ex. Makes me fume.

........................................................................................................

IMO this is a form of 'Economic abuse', by the Father on the Mother full stop. Only thing is the child's best interests are NOT being addressed if abuse of the Mother is being threatened. The child could be subjected to unnecessary school moves too and fro.....all to serve the Father's angst.

I would just ignore the Father's request/demands for private schooling unless he put in writing that all school fees would be paid by him and as the Mother I would request in writing through a legal advocate perhaps insist that ALL the term fees for duration of education at this wonderful institution be paid in ADVANCE and put into a TRUST ACCOUNT for the child, for school fees ONLY etc......arguing in best interest of child and that continuation of education at this institution is GUARANTEED.

That should shut everybody up?

[azureline**]

you are assuming the father is at fault here?

Don't forget this story has been told by the mother's grandmother......................

I wouldn't expect that the father's side of the story will be forthcoming.

[cherry*135]

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@azureline** wrote:

Children should not suffer for the parent's choices either....................... it may be that they have the funds to pay for whatever school they choose........

---

Even if they have funds, the other parent may not think that private schools are any better than public schools and sees no reason to send their child there. Why should the parent who is demanding child goes to a private school be the one that gets their own way?

What makes them right and the other parent wrong? If the parent that wants to enrol child in private school guarantees to pay all the school fees, that is one less obstructing factor.

I am thinking of this for any couple, not just the example given by the OP, doesn't really matter who it is.. the issue/problems are the same.

[azureline**]

The choice of public schools in the area may not be a wise one, in the father's opinion. It also depends on how much child support the father is paying I suppose, if it's a lot, he may expect his child to be able to attend the school of his choice and have it paid from that money.

We have no way of knowing what arrangements were agreed to when they seperated.

[the_great_she_elephant]

Even if they have funds, the other parent may not think that private schools are any better than public schools and sees no reason to send their child there.

I imagine, that's why Az asked what choice the parents would have made jointly if they were stil together.

There are so many variables:

Had they previously agreed on this school?

Is the child support paid by the father sufficient to cover half the fees as well as food, clothing etc?

If it is sufficient, can the mother still afford her half of the fees?

Without knowing all this it's a bit hard to make a judgement.

[*elizabeths-mum*]

I read something recently, no idea where sorry, that child support was being/had been changed a little so a non custodial parent paying the support has more say in how it is spent. I think that was to ensure the money was used for the child though.

[softail-joanie]

Personally, I would prefer public schools over private ones. A big part of school for youth, is to mix with the kind of people they will uasally end up mixing with in, well, public, learn social skills, ect. A private school I imagine would have a mix of a more select population therefore limited in comparison. Anyone can learn from the internet at home, or at a local library where I am now.

Also, in the case of younger kids who may not yet have determined what carrier field they want to enter into, Save that money for when they do know and spend it on that.