Why Do Some Adults

[grandmoon]

think it is necessary to involve little children in the parents breakup ?

I have just had a friend of the OH visit with his 4 year old son.  He had picked the boy up from a visit to the material grandmother.  The child asked me what was an affair as grandmother had told him his parents will still be together if his father had not had the affair. 

The child has been told the the parents split because they stopped loving each other.

[ecar3483]

When I was a kid, one of my friends parents divorced, and he said to me "If they can stop loving each other so easily then what's to stop them from no longer loving me?".

I don't know if there is an answer to that.

[azureline**]

Some adults are not very mature.

[icyfroth]

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@grandmoon wrote:

think it is necessary to involve little children in the parents breakup ?

I have just had a friend of the OH visit with his 4 year old son.  He had picked the boy up from a visit to the material grandmother.  The child asked me what was an affair as grandmother had told him his parents will still be together if his father had not had the affair. 

The child has been told the the parents split because they stopped loving each other.

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The child has been told the the parents split because they stopped loving each other.

The child has been told the truth.

Unfortunately the children of ppl that fall out of love with each other always suffer the consequences.

The alternative is that people stay together for the sake of the children, even if they've fallen out out love with each other. Like they used to in the old days.

Should we go back to that? If so ,how?

[lurker172602]

My parents divorced in the late 60s.  Even though my father treated my mother appallingly, I can honestly say I never heard her say a bad word about him.  I respect her enormously for that.  Children don't always need the whole truth.

[icyfroth]

So why do you think your parents broke up?

[lurker172602]

I know now why, but I'm not getting into it here.  I can't remember being told why when I was little, they just did.

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

So true lurker.

So the grandson had been told that the parents split up because they stopped loving each other.

And then the maternal grandmother said to the grandson: 'if your father hadnt had an affair, your parents would still be together.'  

This kid is 4.

All he needs to know is that his parents love him. End of. No bigger truth than that.

Unless the kids mother has lost the ability to communicate, the maternal grandmother had no business saying that to her grandson, and she ought to pull her head in.