teenage problems

[hahahavefun]

You have a near 16 yr old daughter who is doing a lot of things wrong but you know all about it and struggle with her but you get her all the help ex doctors , councilors and school and as hard as you try it all seems to fail . On the other hand you have a nephew who is 2 yrs older who hangs with your daughter who is and has done more **bleep** then her and his mother has absolutely no idea what he is and has been up to . He lied to his mother where he was last weekend and when photos were put on facebook and she seen them he lied straight to her face and told her they were from a few weeks ago , kids do this i know but the problem is he is really peeved off with my daughter and now hates her and is trying to turn their friends against her . His mother has basically wiped my daughter when her own son has done so much worse that she doesnt know about . She doesnt work and believes everything her son says and he in every adults eyes around is a golden head boy he is very good at this where as my daughter isnt and i know what she is doing . How would you deal with this .

[azureline**]

We had to attend with one of ours once, underage drinking and assault police, refusal to leave a Government building? or similar.

Yes, he was drinking, provided by other adults without our consent or knowledge. He was 17. He refused to leave when his mate was put in a cell, ...........stupid.

 He raised his arm to block the police officers punch to his head.

So, with the advice of a solicitor, we decided he should plead guilty, given it was a small town, never been in trouble, had to live there and drive a car etc. Children's court. He was sent to Community Service and asked to tell what happened.

He told the truth and we were sent back to court to plead not guilty.

The magistrate listened and gave the police officer a serve, no conviction and suggested our son stop drinking. It was an awful time and we were mortified but in hindsight, best thing ever! No more life of crime, lol., he joined the army.

[hahahavefun]

Very sad that they have to learn the hard way . I would never have thought I would be going down this road with her .

[mugssy65]

Same thing happened to us once Az, court appointed lawyer told us to plead guilty because son was under age and it didn't matter, thing is he wasn't guilty (that time) and the witness was a police officer! Lol

[cherry*135]

Can you get a copy from internet or somewhere of your nephews judgement:conviction? I would send it to his mother's address anonymously.

Other than that don't have anything to do with him, especially your daughter.

Unfortunately a lot of young teens are drawn away by older teens who encourage the younger ones not to take any notice of their parent(s.),

[hahahavefun]

Am3 i tried doing a search for court appearance for that day but couldnt find anything

[ten*teeny*tiny*toes]

I think you should just focus on you and your daughter. Don't worry about what others are or are not doing.
Resentment can eat away at you, its unhealthy. I'd probably distance myself from your sister and nephew for a bit....nothing good will come from confronting her. She will find out in her own time. Good luck with your daughter.

[everything*that*i*ever*wanted]

What state are you in ? There is a brilliant organisation down this way in NSW (Sth Coast). They are called RAFT or maybe now called SAFT.
We were having issues with my eldest from the age of 13yo to 15yo. She was in with the wrong crowd (at a Catholic High School lol), She was headed down a very destructive path, had a boyfriend 4 years older than her who was also deeply depressed and dragging her down. She fell into deep depression and developed anger issues (partially as a result of her illnesses and frustration because of them) and violent behaviour. At age 16yo she moved out for a couple of months and lived initially with her boyfriend at his mother's house and then in a refuge and then when she didn't like those rules she moved back to the boyfriend's and then begged to come home. At all times I kept communication open and was very clear about what was acceptable behaviour in my home and when she was disrespectful I cut off the conversation and let her know when she was prepared to be the grown up she wanted to be treated like, then we would talk again. I set very very clear rules about what was expected in order for her to live back at home and asked her to go away for a few days to think about if she could cope with it...she moved back in three days later. Within a week I told her that it wasn't working out and I felt she needed some more thinking time, she went back to the boyfriend's, but came home a week later and was an absolute angel.
I am proud to say that within 6 months of being home she was enrolled in a Bachelor of Criminology / Criminal Psychology (after leaving school in Term2 Year 11 the previous year due to her health and illness), she was working part time (with almost full time hours) and helping around the house without asking. When I had to have surgery early this year she helped hubby keep everything organised whilst also visiting me every day. She got my youngest off to school each day and the house was spotless.
A couple of months ago she spread her wings and left home. She is almost finished her first year study load of Uni (whilst her school classmates are sitting their HSC exams), she is renting a house with a friend close to her almost fulltime job in town, she has bought herself a pure bred puppy (who she has registered, taken for all shots and vet checks), has her licence, paid CASH for a gorgeous little Toyota Corolla Hatchback (totally insured and spotlessly maintained). She pays her own way for everything, has a wonderful boyfriend (who lives at home and is a full time carer for his disabled Mum), she ensures she spends time with her sister every week, and we speak pretty much daily.
This is the tattooed, pierced, off-the-rails, drinking, swearing, stay out every night kid that everyone (including myself) was convinced was headed for prison or early death.
This has only been because I was open and honest with her, I was clear with expectations, sought support from RAFT (who are committed to working with the whole family to help keep the child at home WHERE SAFE for all concerned), but I also had to let her go to fall on her feet or her face...it is so incredibly hard and I am well aware I am one of the lucky mums.

With regards to the nephew and sister...I am with you there. It is so hard to see your child condemned when you see others doing so much worse and yet they are the golden child. I have a niece like that. What 14yo gives her boyfriend packets of condoms for his birthday ? And that is one of the g-rated stories. All you can do is worry about your own backyard, the truth does come out eventually...I am seeing that now. You have taught your daughter the tools for this big bad world. Sit her down, let her know she always has a home with you, with rules and consequences, be clear and stick to your guns. If she can't abide by your rules and respect you as her mum...you may need to let her go for a bit, but I can't emphasise enough...maintain contact so she knows you are interested and you care...but DO NOT FIX THINGS FOR HER...she will only learn with facing consequences for herself.

Sorry for the rambling...I never come in here anymore...but something led me here tonight and I guess this thread was it. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and Prayers.

[hahahavefun]

No need to apologise , I know I'm not the only mum who has teenage problems but it helps to get other peoples advice who been down that road . I spent a good couple of hrs on the phone tonight with a very dear friend of mine talking about my daughter , I need to be straight with her and just give her the cold hard facts she will then have to decide what happens from here for example through her actions im going to suffer financially so no longer will have money to give her to go out , have the money for petrol to run around after her , credit for her phone and no longer can she feed her friends when she brings them home . She will have to bare the brunt of the financial loss she she is going to cause us . This will be cold hard FACTS . She will also be told again what will be accepted and won't be and most importantly she will be told I expect respect . For every action there are consequences and she is going to learn this .

[azureline**]

Excellent! and it takes us a while to accept this is how it has to be.

Hope all goes smoothly for you.

[everything*that*i*ever*wanted]

Good for you honey, stick to your guns. I truly Pray for strength and a beautiful relationship with your daughter in the future. If you need advice with contacts please feel free to message me. Through my Church we also work with displaced youth, young offenders and the needy in general. There is alot of support out there...it is just often hard to find.
♥