Cancelled Purchases Because Of Death In The Family

[arb_games]

I have just received my 3rd request in the past 2 weeks to cancel a sale due to the death of a close family relative.

I am not a heartless person, but I am also not stupid.  I know that this reason for cancelling a sale is being experienced by more and more sellers.

So what do I do?

Do I presume that all the buyers are telling the truth, or do I presume that more and more buyers are using this reason to get out of a sale.

[silversterio2]

kayedonproducts

'I don't think feeling emotional at times means I shouldn't be selling on eBay - maybe by having some compassion, makes a buyer realise I care.  It is not my personality to come across as as a hard nosed business person, as I'm not.  I also think at my age, I have had enough life experiences to know most of the time if a person is not being honest, and trying to put one over me'

Well said Kaye.

It's very obvious by your feedback and star ratings that you're a great seller

Don't change !

[kayedonproducts]

It is precicely because I am now in my sixties with a LOT of life experience that I realise that emotion has no place in an ebay transaction. I can feel sympathy on a personal level but I will not let that alter the way I conduct what is purely a business transaction.

If I had believed and taken to heart every excuse including murder, rape, death, disease, hospitalisation, car wrecks etc etc etc that I have heard in over a decade of ebay selling then I would now be an emotional mess and my selling account would be down the toilet.

Phorum, I too am well into my sixties and also have had a LOT of life experiences.  The reason I felt bad, is because I have had about 3 non-payers over 6 years of selling and have never had an excuse like the one this person had.  Also, I have been blessed to have lovely buyers over the years, maybe because of the items I sell, and the kind of people who purchase them.

Without going into detail about previous employment, I learnt very quickly not to become "emotional" in dealing on a fairly personal level with the sort of people I came across.  I'm sure  I also learnt to have a pretty good idea of when somebody is trying to con me.

I can certainly understand where you are coming from, and I may well feel the same way having had tthe excuses you have - fortunately I haven't.  I don't want to be involved in a personal slanging match, as that is not my style, but just wanted to state the way I felt in this experience, as each transaction is different.

silverstereo, thank you for your kind words in regard to my feedback.  I really do feel blessed to have had such wonderful buyers.  No, I'm not changing the way I operate.

[phorum_junkie*]

I'm sure  I also learnt to have a pretty good idea of when somebody is trying to con me.

That can be very true face to face but you cannot judge the veracity of anything in an email and I still maintain that anyone suffering a real crisis does not send poor me emails. How is it that they have the time to compose their bleeding heart communication but don't have the time to make the payment which is a much quicker action?

If I have had no contact then of course I go through the dispute, if they try and delay payment by sending an email that took them longer than making the payment would then I tell them very sorry but they have another X days before the dispute ends.

I am in no way having a slanging match, just putting forward my point of view which is there really is no excuse for not paying, even if it is after a strike has been issued and sellers who do not issue strikes are doing other sellers down.

I should also add that the majority of those who came up with the 'tragic' reasons for not paying managed to do so very quickly when I said I was not going to let them off!

[kayedonproducts]

That can be very true face to face but you cannot judge the veracity of anything in an email and I still maintain that anyone suffering a real crisis does not send poor me emails. How is it that they have the time to compose their bleeding heart communication but don't have the time to make the payment which is a much quicker action?

Sorry, as guess I haven't made myself clear in my original post.  The buyer didn't send a "poor me email". They were replying to one of my previous emails and just stated they hadn't been looking at their emails because of what had happened, and wanted to know to know how much to pay - did add they would check their eBay to  locate purchase.  They made no statement about not paying at all - to the contrary they want to pay.

They then sent a 2nd email which just stated they noted I had closed a dispute, and made the comment it was the 1st one they had had.  Not complaining about it as such. I assumed they were going through emails one after the other - answered my  previous one & then came across the one from eBay, which probably made them a bit disappointed, but in no way made any negative comment about what I had done. With the time lapse I imagined they probably had quite a few emails to go through, and maybe some of them related to the tragedy that had happened.

What they had told me had happened in their family, made me feel very sorry for them - I wouldn't wish it upon anybody.  In my opinion, the purchase they had made, reflected the character of the person.

Hope I have explained myself a bit better - as you say, communicating by email, or the written word in general is far different from face to face, and I have dealt with both.

[phorum_junkie*]

It sounds as if we are in complete agreement then, I absolutely agree that if they pay up after a dispute is closed then they probably were genuine. It is the ones who ask to be let off paying with excuses and those that never make any contact at all who should get, and keep, strikes.

[tuffy42tuffy]

Well said Kayedon.I've had my fair share of "fibbers" but not everyone who says they have had a family problem is in that category. I had to make a similar approach to someone nine years ago when my youngest son died tragically. Thankfully that person showed some empathy and common sense such as you have.

That is not to say that many so-called "buyers" (and sellers) don't  try people on. They do. Thankfully,those people are in the minority.

[kayedonproducts]

It sounds as if we are in complete agreement then, I absolutely agree that if they pay up after a dispute is closed then they probably were genuine. It is the ones who ask to be let off paying with excuses and those that never make any contact at all who should get, and keep, strikes.

Am happy that I made myself a bit clearer and that we agree.

I also agree that those who don't pay and/or have no contact should be given strikes, as it the only way for sellers to take some action to weed out the few buyers who want to rip sellers off.

[kayedonproducts]

Well said Kayedon.I've had my fair share of "fibbers" but not everyone who says they have had a family problem is in that category. I had to make a similar approach to someone nine years ago when my youngest son died tragically. Thankfully that person showed some empathy and common sense such as you have.

That is not to say that many so-called "buyers" (and sellers) don't  try people on. They do. Thankfully,those people are in the minority.

So sorry to hear you lost your son.  When things like that happen purchases on eBay,  and many other things, take a back seat, until we can think straight.

I like to think the best of people, and to treat others, as I want to be treated, but am aware there are the minority who are not honest.  I have been blessed with wonderful buyers, many of whom have been understanding of me, as due to health problems, have not always been on time with posting parcels.  So, it works both ways.

[tuffy42tuffy]

"who cares if there has been a death in the family?"...that is one of the most insensitive postings I have ever seen. Let me tell you Phorum Junkie...the family does. You probably mean well but that particular advice should be blocked.

[*sparklz*]

"who cares if there has been a death in the family?"...that is one of the most insensitive postings I have ever seen. Let me tell you Phorum Junkie...the family does. You probably mean well but that particular advice should be blocked.

Agree. Some are insensitive to others problems but when it is their own problem or death it is something to care about I am sure.