I sold a dress a few weeks ago to a lady when she recieved it she said she was dissapointed and that it looked washed and worn and the wrong size , I listed it as a 16-18 because it is stretchy fabric ,,but I forgot to put in the measurements in the listing , now she is saying it doesn't fit her and wrong size but I am a size 16-18 and it fits me. the item is new without tags and hasn't been worn.
So I went and looked at her facebook page and she is clearly not a size 16 but she insists she is, all was good until she found out that I went on her fb , and responding to the positive feedback she left me and told her that she was in deinal.
I told her that clothing sizes differ and she should have messaged me first for measurements before she bid
Now she has put in a paypal dispute last night because of the facebook thing and that i was rude and now she wishes to pursue it further and saying it's illegal to look at facebook I told her it is public and anyone can look at anyone on there and wasn't a crime.
now paypal has put aside the money for the dress , positive feedback left for me on the 5th of may
โ18-05-201408:04 AM - edited โ18-05-201408:04 AM
yes that feedback comment certainly doesn't paint you in a good light. Saying someone is in denial about their size IS rude. As you said yourself sizes vary and so do peoples shapes, so what fits you as a size 16 perfectly may not be so perfect on another.
The only reason I had to go check her out is because I had a feeling she was lying and said the dress was for herself I didn't make any rude remarks about her or her weight ever (i am no twiggy myself) I had no choice. even i say to myself I am in denial about some clothes I pick out for myself
If I am going to be at a potentially $18 loss for the postage I want to make sure and there is no nice way to say she is definately bigger then she claims to be , from the messages she has been sending it was my fault it didn't fit her and it was the only listing I had forgot to add the measurements in (my bad) but she should of messaged me for them beofre she bid on it to make sure.
personally I don't care who looks at my facebook profile that be sellers buyers whoever.
looking back I was a bit harsh on the feedback reply , but she is looking for any fault just to get the money back
okay, I have read you posts in this thread and looked at the feedback reply before considering very carefully about what I would say on this matter.
I had no choice
YES you did
even i say to myself I am in denial about some clothes
How you feel about yourself and whether you openly admit that you are sometimes in denial is not relevant to any discussion regarding the rights or wrongs of the reply you left. You, and all of us as well, are not privy to any assessment of the mental state of your buyer. They may just be at the edge. . . . . . and your comment may just be enough to tip them over the edge. If this is the case, then you are not to know this . . . . . which is reason enough to not have written the reply that you did.
would you feel the same way about the followup if you receive a message from the partner of the buyer advising you of some tragedy involving the buyer in the coming days . . . . with a note having been left citing your feedback followup as the last straw? We can not be certain of people's mental state in online communications.
and there is no nice way to say she is definately bigger then she claims to be
then say nothing about her being bigger than she thinks she is
personally I don't care who looks at my facebook profile
once again, how you feel about something should not be your guide as to how others would feel about the same thing. Obviously, many posters here feel you crossed the line mentioning facebook in your feedback. You could have looked at her fb page but not mentioned that in your followup.
looking back I was a bit harsh on the feedback reply , but she is looking for any fault just to get the money back
Good to see that you feel that the followup was a bit harsh . . . . . BUT . . . . . the part underlined above makes me feel you are in denial about just how wrong it was as you are making an excuse for the followup immediately after accepting that it was harsh! A bit of a 'hollow' admission seeing as you are still making excuses for your behaviour.
ok so she can say and do what she wants be rude and I just sit here and let it happen . let's not forget the fact her she threaten me with a neg if if i didn't give her money back , checking up on my listings saying i should not sell them ,claiming the item was worn and washed she says she is a clothing expert being in the business for years she of all people known clothing sizes differ . no wonder I wouldn't give her a refund.
I am by no means a busy body I have not named her not given her first name
I am not making excuses about my followup feedback what is done is done I was angry she was very rude I am no way denying it I said I wrote it all I said looking back it was a bit harsh
ok so she can say and do what she wants be rude and I just sit here and let it happen . let's not forget the fact her she threaten me with a neg if if i didn't give her money back , checking up on my listings saying i should not sell them ,claiming the item was worn and washed she says she is a clothing expert being in the business for years she of all people known clothing sizes differ . no wonder I wouldn't give her a refund.
I am by no means a busy body I have not named her not given her first name
I am not making excuses about my followup feedback what is done is done I was angry she was very rude I am no way denying it I said I wrote it all I said looking back it was a bit harsh
Again, just my personal opinion, but you can't keep using the excuse of someone else's behaviour to try and justify yours, because the buyer's behaviour was her choice and her responsibility, your behaviour is your choice and responsibility.
I'm not attempting to condone bad buyer behaviour, but the buyer isn't here asking for advice on how to handle a situation, so I can only address the person who has...
I will try to put it as succinctly as possible, and I hope it helps in some way if you ever experience a conflict with a buyer in the future - when a buyer contacts you with a problem, address the actual problem, not the attitude, because not only are you more likely to be able to quickly solve the problem, you're much more likely to avoid turning the buyer into one.
It will help if you devise some policies surrounding returns so that you know straight away what options you will be prepared to offer a buyer if they contact you, and your communication can focus on that.
This is the exact way we try to handle problems. Address the problem not the person. You can fix the problem but you cannot fix the person no matter what you do. And if you try to fix the person you will only make the problem bigger.
The only NEG we have was one left by a buyer who had a problem that could have easily been fixed by us but chose to leave the NEG without contacting us first. Then they never responded to any contact we made to try to fix it. It's a bit hard to fix that kind of problem.
yeah I don't know how to handle these situations , this is my first time this has happened I did it wrong
if the contact she is having with you is not the sort of communication you would expect from a rational person then all the more reason not to engage the person any further in conflict communication (including through feedback).
I'm sorry that this has happened to you and I am confident that you have learnt some new ways of dealing with troublesome buyers. Some of the other posters have given some excellent advice, especially about addressing the problem rather than the addressing the attitude.
There will always be grey areas about whos fault something is when selling on Ebay. even sellers with 1000s of transactions under their belt will find themselves there from time to time. We are not selling sheep stations here, so you have to just roll with keeping it simple and no getting into **bleep** for tat that just escalates to a loose / loose situation. Which in turn can scar your fb.
As a guide when a buyer is unhappy, the approach should be how can we make the buyer happy, not defensive to the point of finger pointing at the buyer. once that happens it will go down hill.
The question is what have you learned from this? It will happen again, regardless of whatever conditions or details you put on listings.
Some buyers do go with the fb threat as first communication, because they know no better and assume we are sharks. A pleasant helpful response often quickly turns that around.
Browse any sellrs fb and you will see those that lash out defensively to any complaint. That would put me off buying from them as I look at fb to see what do sellers do if there is a problem. Some of my best fb has come from sales I stuffed up badly, because I fixed them quiclky when the buyer had anticipated it would have been a conflict. You will feel much better in the long run, gain trust and sell more stuff
We had a buyer a few weeks back who contacted us in a very confronting way saying that her package had not arrived yet. In between the lines she was actually accusing us of being crooks and not mailing out the item.
We we left that part of it alone altogether and explained that sometimes Australia Post do lose things and asked her to verify her postal address firstly. Then when that was OK to check her local PO to see if they might be holding it. And also offereing to send out a replacement item if it could not be found.
As it turned out it was found at her local PO. She she then became bery apologetic and ended up leaving us a POS with glowing remarks about great communication. Everybody happy. She said she would be back to shop with us again.
Something as simple as this could have so easily been escalated if we had chosen to address the agro person rather than the simple problem.
