Anyone ever dated an Armenian person?

[krylekathe1]

This year I began dating an Armenian man.  Both of us have children from previous relationships, him from a marriage to an Armenian woman.  He's told me that in general, Armenian men and women only marry Armenian men and women.  From what he says, it really sounds like his marriage was quite arranged, and though happy for a long time, it ended badly several years ago, and they've been divorced.  Apparently this is rare in his community.  He's very tight with his extended family.

I also come from a very close (and Catholic) family.  Although both my brother have married women from significantly different cultures (one for Asia, one from west africa) this has NEVER been an issue. I consider both these women my sisters and both my brothers have embraced the religion and cultures of their wives.  We're lucky to have both my brothers to have settled here. 

Getting back to my question, I didn't really consider that an Armenian culture was that different to my Catholic one.  And I certinatly didnt think it would throw up issues (as neither my brothers have had issues with very diffierent cultures).

Things have been going well with my man.  I seem to be the polar opposite to his ex-wife.  She is a house-wife, I have a career.  She was very dependent on him finanically, whereas I own my own home and am very independent.  He often mentioned how much he enjoys that.

BUT last night we were chatting (about the future) and I mentioned that I have no desire to get married.  Ever.  It's never held any interest for me.  This man looks at me like I have slapped him!  He was horrified.  He said 'But you said you wanted to settle down, maybe have another child'.  I agreed, I did say this, I just said, that I am not interested in getting married to do that.  My man friend was shocked.  I was shocked at his reaction.  He's divorced, why would he want to get married again?  This conversation went down like a lead balloon.

I did say, if it was very important to someone else to get married, I'd do it.  But I dont really see much point, and I would not be interested at all in having a wedding - a registry office would be my preference.

But now my man friend is very distressed about the whole thing (after less than a year I'm surprised the conversation even came up).  He's insisting that I'd need to change my attitude towards marriage to continue.

What the heck bro?  Is this an Armenien thing?  I have never met any Armenian people before in my life (at least not that I know of, I generally don't ask people their background as it never comes up).

What's the deal with marriage?  Is this guy just crazy?  Is it a cultural thing?  I dont know.

[***super_nova***]

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@chameleon54 wrote:

I,m not sure if this control and intimidation is a cultural thing or just a normal mis- placed teenage thing, but either way I dont think it would be in our daughters best interest to have anything to do with this guy..

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why wouldnt it be just misplaced teenage thing?  I would deal with it just as I would deal with unwanted advances of any boy.  The boy has to learn what is not OK.

[chameleon54]

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@***super_nova*** wrote:

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@chameleon54 wrote:

I,m not sure if this control and intimidation is a cultural thing or just a normal mis- placed teenage thing, but either way I dont think it would be in our daughters best interest to have anything to do with this guy..

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why wouldnt it be just misplaced teenage thing?  I would deal with it just as I would deal with unwanted advances of any boy.  The boy has to learn what is not OK.

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The behaviors and messages where a bit more extreme than what we would regard as " normal " teenage infatuation.

 Luckily they have stopped now.

While it may not be PC to discuss these subjects, it doesn't change the fact that different cultures view woman and girls in a different way to western society. In some cultures, girls are sold off as child brides or forced into arranged marriages, forced to undergo genital mutilation, expected to clean house and have numerous children from the onset of puberty, not welcome in education systems, expected to accept polygimous marriges etc.  These oppressive behaviors are not accepted by western society but are still common place in many traditional South African cultures.

Added to this the fact that many genuine refugees are coming to Australia from countries with extreme social violence, where different ethnic and religious groups are at war with each other and committing attrocities of murder and rape on a daily basis. This must have a profound effect on young people growing up in these societies, challenging their perception of what is normal and acceptable.

When we accept genuine refugees from these war torn countries into Australia, we need to accept that they will be bringing this baggage with them and look to address the problems this causes in a mature way. This does not include hiding behind a narrow minded, veil of political correctness that refuses to admit, accept  or address the obvious problems these cultural and social differences will bring.

I am not saying that we should not accept genuine refugee's. Probably the biggest eye opener for me was to witness a poor young African girl in a secure psychiatric ward at our states main hospital for several days. She was wandering around in her own little, tormented world, talking to herself and reliving horrors of rape and murder of family members. Anyone nearby was receiving a running commentary of her experiences, re-lived over and over. Her family came to visit regularly, but there was no change in her behaviour when they where there. It was one of the most moving and haunting experiences I have ever had.