At what age is it okay for a sleep over?

[givemeaspell]

For your son/daughter to allow their partners to spend the night (same bed) in your family home?

[katydidthat]

My son's 15, so not an issue ATM.  I think I'd go with the legal age of consent. 

But, a long time ago when I was in college, our Ethics/Social Aspects teacher asked us what we would say if we were parents and our daughter asked us if she could sleep with her BF ... I said that the daughter might be showing concern about whether she was ready to sleep with him, and subtly seeking a parent's refusal.  The teacher gave me a hard time about my answer, but in the end agreed with me.  

Sooooooooooooooo, I'd think about the question in other ways than age.  

[catsnknots]

I was thinking back to when I was 16... I moved out of home and in with my boyfriend...  

I really can't judge... I think it depends on the child, on the family environment  the conversations you have had with your kids, what type of friends they have... where you live... 

we had the group sleepovers as there is nothing to do for teens here.. movies and hanging out at shopping centers.. lol 

Once or twice a month my son use to either go to others places or they all came here. All the kids were very respectful and well behaved... I was lucky as when there was going to be drinking involved my son always chose to stay home... he has good judgment. 

[2106greencat]

Okay - I am willing to cop a beating for this (double standards I guess)

My son is 18 - I would not allow him to sleep in my home with his girlfriend - Simply because unless I knew the mother of the daughter was okay with it I would feel I was allowing something to happen which said other mother may not want and would in effect be helping the girl go behind her back.

As the mother of a daughter I feel the same way, would not have been impressed if her boyfriends mother was allowing it. Get it?

[daydream**believer]

Okay - I am willing to cop a beating for this (double standards I guess)

My son is 18 - I would not allow him to sleep in my home with his girlfriend - Simply because unless I knew the mother of the daughter was okay with it I would feel I was allowing something to happen which said other mother may not want and would in effect be helping the girl go behind her back.

As the mother of a daughter I feel the same way, would not have been impressed if her boyfriends mother was allowing it. Get it?

yep. Get it and agree

[*mrswormwood*]

What about the other parents?

What if you are allowing something that they wouldn't or vice versa?

[catsnknots]

100% Agree that all parents need to know what is going on.. we were a bit different because all sleep overs were usually five or more... but all parents needed to know what was going on.. I met every parent that dropped off the kids.. 

[lurker17260]

Okay - I am willing to cop a beating for this (double standards I guess)

My son is 18 - I would not allow him to sleep in my home with his girlfriend - Simply because unless I knew the mother of the daughter was okay with it I would feel I was allowing something to happen which said other mother may not want and would in effect be helping the girl go behind her back.

As the mother of a daughter I feel the same way, would not have been impressed if her boyfriends mother was allowing it. Get it?

We always insisted that the girls parents had to know where she was and the "situation".  I told them I wasn't having some girls angry father turning up on my doorstep.  Being in a reasonably small community, albeit in the city, the boys knew that word would get back somehow eventually.  I called it 'The Mothers Mafia" :^O

[lurker17260]

Incidently, I'm quite interested to know, but not in any judgemental way, how many of us here discussing this have or had offspring in the age groups we are talking about? 

I know that sometimes what we did/how we handled things changed quite dramatically from what I might have thought we would do before the event. 

I had no experience of parenting a teenager before I had one, just as now I have no knowledge of how to be a parent of a 20 something.  I'm making it up as I go along 😄

[givemeaspell]

My offspring are early 20's so have gone thru it with both of them.  Both had partners that stay over but both were over 18 at the time.  I've had many discussions with friends who allowed their son to have his gf stay over but didn't like the idea of the daughter bringing her bf home *this was from the father's point of view, they agreed it was double standards but said "daughters are different".  my daugher was always strong willed so no double standards were allowed in our homes.  I have never felt uncomfortable with them having their partners stay they are very respectful in that regard IYKWIM.    Both asked us if it were okay if the partners stayed over so it wasn't something that just happened.  Must admit OH wasn't overly thrilled when it was his daughter either but as I said no double standards here!

[daydream**believer]

My eldest is 12 so, no, i havent had to deal with this yet.

But i was a teen once and am happy with how my parents handled it. It worked for me