BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

Seems to be a lack of threads for blokes.
On other threads,some ladies have mentioned, their OHs
would post, but had no interest in most of the threads on offer.
I can bump this thead twice a day,so its easy to find.
Give it a go---Richo.
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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

Ah. I’ve found further information about the child support situation re the mushroom murders.

 

Simon paid for the schooling and medical care and other expenses - up until Erin Patterson applied for child support and also wanted Simon to sign a document which she’d prepared, stating they’d each be responsible for half of the school and medical fees (separate to the child support).

 

We already know that his accountant had filed his tax return in 2022 with marital status “separated” without his knowledge. Erin Patterson was enraged by this, as evidenced in the recovered group chats in the “Signal” app. That’s when she applied for child support, as assessed by Services Australia, and also for the family tax benefit.

 

It’s also when she secretly pulled the children out of the school jointly agreed upon by her and Simon - and refused to list Simon in the paperwork with the school.

 

The initial assessment for child support was indeed ludicrously low ($38 per month - per child?) but had already been reassessed at $473.
 
Services Australia had advised Simon not to sign any separate financial agreement; if child support is sought, the payments and financial arrangements do need to go through the official channels.
 
According to Erin, the family tax benefit amount annually would have been around $1500.
 
 
 
Quoting from the trial:
 
Mandy has probed Simon on how the couple planned to resolve the issue of their children’s school fees.

 

The court earlier heard that Patterson has pushed for them to split the costs of school fees, but Simon said he had been advised by “child support people” not to.

 

Delving into further detail, Simon told Mandy:

“The child support people were going to tell me how it was going to work. That amount I would pay would cover school fees. They said, ‘don’t pay that now, because you will be double paying’.”

 
In light of this … surely Erin would have been better advised to drop the child support application and go back to their previous arrangement where the pair had amicably shared expenses, with shared custody and family holidays….? By going through the official child support route, but trying also to have a separate written agreement, it strikes one as attempting to have her cake and eat it. I can’t see that she’d have been getting more though the child support application, Ben with the family tax benefit (or am I missing something?).
 
Re the document she tried to gave him sign - bad idea. Really bad idea. In my opinion he was wise to refuse to sign. He suggested to her that a) they let Services Australia finish all assessments with child support being arranged, or b) they go back to the previous arrangement of sharing all of the expenses. I don’t find the options unreasonable given this background.
 
 
 
I’ll have to quote from this link as it’s behind a paywall…
 
When Leongatha father Simon Patterson put on his tax return in 2022 that he was separated, it set off a lethal chain of events.

 

The relationship between him and his estranged wife, Erin Patterson, deteriorated well before a mushroom lunch killed three church parishioners as the pair quarrelled over child support payments and where their children would go to school.

 

“He quit his job. I was getting $38 per month child support,” Erin told a government employee in the aftermath of the lethal lunch that killed Don and Gail Patterson and Heather Wilkinson.

 

“I asked for reassessment from child support. Every time he got really angry. When it went up to $473 per month ... he cancelled his direct debits for his [children’s] activities – stopped paying private health cover.

 

“I changed the kids’ school and enrolled them in [another]. I did not tell him, but he found out and kept calling the school, demanding they put him on the enrolment. He started a campaign against the school … angry they enrolled the children without his permission.”

 

The inner workings of the Patterson family relationships would be on display during Erin Patterson’s triple-murder trial. The jury was told about how Simon and Erin got together, their wedding and an eight-year marriage rocked by repeat separations and reconciliations. They parted permanently in 2015. [NB: they were actually still open to reconciliation.]

Simon told the court their split had been friendly and they shared custody of the children, went on family holidays together and organised to divide their assets without intervention from lawyers.

 

But while dropping his children back to Erin Patterson’s Gibson Road home in Leongatha, he said, he became aware there was an issue.

 

It was late October or November in 2022, he recalled, when his estranged wife pulled him aside for a chat. She sat in the car with Simon and said she had discovered that his tax return for the previous financial year noted they were separated.

 

“Before that, we hadn’t gotten the government involved in the fact we were separated at all before,” Simon said. “She said that it mattered, I think, for the family tax benefit, something of that nature. And so, she would be obliged to claim child support off of me, which had never happened before.”

 

Simon told the court his tax status was changed as a result of a miscommunication between him and his accountant. He said Erin rejected his efforts to revert it.

 

From then on, Simon said, communication became more functional and less “chatty”.

 

“That was probably the first thing that made me feel that there was a substantial change in our relationship, that before that, our habit for years was to message each other a lot, in a chatty way, and the chatty nature of it pretty much stopped,” he said.

 

He said that a few weeks later, Erin applied for child support. She was also keen for him to sign a form stipulating that they would each pay half of the children’s school fees.

 

However, Simon told Erin he had been advised by government staff not to do so, as the school fees would be covered in the child support payments.

 

“I’m sure she was very upset about that,” Simon told the jury.

 

 

 

There’s also quite a lot in this link:


And here: https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2025/may/05/alleged-mushroom-murders-trial-husband-simon-...

 

 

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

Some details about Erin Patterson’s history of lying and being aggressive (passive-aggressive?) and manipulative:

 

– https://www.news.com.au/national/victoria/crime/scutter-the-nutter-lies-that-got-erin-patterson-fire...

 

Former colleagues of triple murderer Erin Patterson have described her as “a ritual, habitual and pathological liar” who was fired from an air traffic control job for lying about her work hours.

 

[…]

 

Between February 2001 and November 2002, Patterson – whose maiden name was Scutter – worked in the Melbourne-based Southern Flight Information Region – where her training group secretly nicknamed her “Scutter the Nutter”, according to The Herald Sun.

 

“Something was not quite right, she was a bit strange,” a course mate recalled, adding that Patterson was also dubbed “crazy Erin”.

“She would say some weird off the cuff things … she wasn’t a nice person, she just wasn’t someone you connected to.”

 

Another former colleague said Patterson’s time at Airservices Australia ended on an awkward note, after management became suspicious she was leaving work early but claiming the time.

 

Those suspicions were confirmed when they checked CCTV from the car park. Patterson initially lied about clocking off early, the former colleague said, until management presented her with the time-stamped footage.

 

“‘Ah, you’ve got me there’, was what she said (in response to the CCTV),” they said.

 

The same course mate described Patterson as “manipulative” and “aggressive in many ways”.

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

That's why I suggested look into ' Scutter the Nutter ' a couple of days ago.

 

Absolutely beautiful here - no wind.

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

So sorry to read this Stawks.

 

Certainly makes one think of their own mortality.

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

Certainly does Dom.

 

Back in the day HL played in a band doing lots of gigs.

 

Two members have passed and I'm the last living wife.

 

Told him he has to look after me.

 

It hit hard, and he agrees  😊

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.


@countessalmirena wrote:

I’m very sorry to hear of this, imastawka. 😢

 

 

We had a birthday dinner celebration with my closest friend, and was saddened to hear that her mother’s best friend died. She’d needed 24/7 care after a stroke, and was moved from her home to a care facility. She rapidly declined and that was that. (We’ve no doubt that her surroundings contributed. I will never let mum go into one of those places, no matter how pleasant and highly rated.)

 

Judgmental ... Superior ... Holier than thou ... hurtful ... no thought of other people's situations or wishes ...

 

I won't go on, I think I've made my point.

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

I’m sorry that you feel that way, mytreechange.

 

I stand by my view. I do believe that putting someone in a care home when they don’t want to be in a care home, have no family around them, have no room for all of their things which formed part of their life for many years, have no one to understand their quirks and jokes and memories in the way that family members do, don’t have the food that they specifically want, the freedom to be loud sometimes… all of these things will affect that person’s emotional and mental state. For some people, it will be compensated for by their becoming okay with their new surroundings and their being able to make new friends. For others, there isn’t sufficient compensation.

 

Those who can no longer form new friendships are the most at risk.

 

There are plenty of studies pointing to rapid decline in function, cognition, mental health and physical health as a result of being moved into aged care (residential).

 

Of course it’s not universal. I also understand that for some it’s the only option.

 

My friend’s mother’s friend did not cope. She was not happy with this option and vociferously protested. She hated where she’d been put. We thought the particular facility was fine - lovely views outside, charming rooms, well qualified staff - but she simply didn’t want to be there. I still don’t know what else could have been done; her son was unfortunately not able healthwise to be her full-time carer. But the residential care home was not a good option for this lady.

 

My mother would not thrive in this option either. It would kill her. I passionately refute any suggestion that my rejection of residential care for mum is somehow judgemental or superior or holier than thou. If it’s hurtful to you or to anyone else, I regret that - but I move my stance not by so much as a millimetre.

 


For anyone in the terrible dilemma of having loved ones who need that full-time care and cannot receive that in their home, where work or wider family obligations or needs make an at-home option simply impossible, I'm deeply sympathetic. There are situations where it will work. 

To sum up - my friend’s mother’s friend was negatively affected by being placed in residential care (by her own words). My mother would not do well in residential care. I won’t put her in residential care. Studies show that residential care is detrimental to some (enough to be statistically significant). It doesn’t lead to decline in all residents/patients.  It is sometimes the only option. Some residential care facilities are lovely - some are not. It’s not for everybody. I don’t judge other people’s choices. Finis.

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

I think a lot of the time with any divorce or separation, there can be bitterness over asset splits and money.

It is pretty much the norm, with friendly splits a lot rarer.

 

I can understand Erin in a way. She felt it was Simon signalling the changes when he filed as separated.

Doesn't matter that he 'didn't know' what his accountant did. That's what she saw.

Once things start to affect tax benefits etc, there's a lot of room for anger. We might say she was getting a fair deal, she obviously didn't agree and that's the case a lot in marriage breakdowns.

I didn't realise they had been separated since 2015.

 

As for her job, I am not sure how early she clocked off or how often.

It's not good but it is common across a lot of occupations, where it can be done or where people think they can get away with it.

I well recall my parents used to have council help once a fortnight and I called over once when the woman was due. 

We were sitting outside. The woman came and sat there too and chatted for about 20 minutes towards the end, then went home. She was supposed to do 2 hours, she had been there 90 minutes in total, 20 of them sitting down.

I wasn't overly impressed. Not that my parents had a big house, they didn't, but she definitely could have done more to help out.

 

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.


@mytreechange wrote:

@countessalmirena wrote:

I’m very sorry to hear of this, imastawka. 😢

 

 

We had a birthday dinner celebration with my closest friend, and was saddened to hear that her mother’s best friend died. She’d needed 24/7 care after a stroke, and was moved from her home to a care facility. She rapidly declined and that was that. (We’ve no doubt that her surroundings contributed. I will never let mum go into one of those places, no matter how pleasant and highly rated.)

 

Judgmental ... Superior ... Holier than thou ... hurtful ... no thought of other people's situations or wishes ...

 

I won't go on, I think I've made my point.


I understand where you are coming from. I don't think though that countess meant it across the board, that no one should ever go to a nursing home, just that on a personal level, she was prepared to look after her own mother rather than have her go to one.

 

Your post reminds me of something decades ago. My grandmother had had a stroke, a very bad one. My mother was herself in hospital with heart problems. She still had 2 adult children living at home, in a smallish 3 bedroom house. My grandmother didn't live close by.

My grandmother was put in a nursing home close to where her son lived and he visied daily after work. 

But a sister in law of mine made me angry as she was so critical and claimed that she would never let her mother go into a place like that. But guess what, fast forward a couple of decades and her mother (who had dementia) was placed in one. My SIL had a disabled husband and felt she just could not manage more as she had 2 dependent children too.

We all understood. Then a few years back, my SIL's husband had to be placed in a home as he was too heavy for her to manage with toileting and falls etc. It was a good, well run place but he did go downhill, he wasn't allowed to walk at all (because of the danger from falls) so he lost that ability. And he always thought he was eventually going home.

 

My brother died in a palliative care hospital, needing 24/7 care (unable to move).

 

My own view? If someone is able and willing to look after an elderly relative at home, that is the best/ideal option.

But sometimes it just isn't possible. We don't live in an ideal world.

By the time a relative is elderly, a child might be too and not in a situation to do it. Or they may have to work full time or have no room. There are a lot of reasons why someone might need to be in a nursing home, especially if the person is high care.

I also think most people prefer to be at home-to live and also to die. But many times, it ends up being in hospital.

 

Every case is different. I hope that countess is always in a position where she can care for her mother at home as that is what they both want.

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Re: BLOKES THREAD-aimed at blokes-shielas welcome.

Countess, I admire and respect you in many ways. You seem to be almost perfect, so much so that I at one time wondered if you were an online creation, someone creating their perfect life on the boards.

 

Now I realise you're a real person - superior to me in many ways, but not perfect.

 

I'll never win a war of words with you, and (as a people pleaser with low self-esteem who rarely stands up for herself) I'm terrified I'll be hated for criticising you, so I don't intend to comment on this topic any more.

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