Bullying: Are We Too Quick To Play The Victim Card?

[the_great_she_elephant]

Last week Peter Dutton, the minister for immigration declared that he would not be bullied by the UN on border protection ; a few days ago Labor M.P. Gary Gray said he would not cave in to bullying by Union thugs over preselection;  and not a day goes by on FB and other social media without someone, somewhere  being accused of bullying. Has the word 'bully' become so overused as to be virtually meaningless?

I am not referring here to the concerted online abuse and innuendo that can drive vulnerable teenagers to suicide, or to cases where the online abuse spills over into real life (letters to employers, phone calls to government agencies etc.) I'm talking about the everyday  cut and thrust of online interaction where childish insults and even genuine but vigorous debate is sometimes labelled bullying by those on the receiving end.

  Are we all becoming just a tad too  precious about our perceived dignity? If, for example, you have a bird as your username or avatar and someone who has taken a dislike to you addresses you as “You great lump of avian excrement,” would you accuse that poster of  bullying , or would you simply shrug your shoulders  and conclude they were not very articulate and a few penny bangers short of a fireworks display.

As Bob would say: discuss.

[mtnlane]

I would 'simply shrug my shoulders  and conclude they were not very articulate and a few penny bangers short of a fireworks display.' 

[raptor_rebooted]

that really depends.

if it was repeated behaviour 

which made you feel like you were

being targeted then yes, it would 

be bullying.

one off insults?  no, i dont think that's

bullying.

[raptor_rebooted]

Last week Peter Dutton, the minister for immigration declared that he would not be bullied by the UN on border protection ; a few days ago Labor M.P. Gary Gray said he would not cave in to bullying by Union thugs over preselection;

in that context - they were obviously

referring to being pressured/coerced.

it can be a form of bullying.

[the_great_she_elephant]

---

@*julia*2010 wrote:

that really depends.

if it was repeated behaviour 

which made you feel like you were

being targeted then yes, it would 

be bullying.

one off insults?  no, i dont think that's

bullying.

---

But isn't there a danger that we are actually painting the target on ourselves. If the repeated behaviour caused your friends to turn against you, then I guess you might might have reason to feel aggrieved, but when it's simply words on a computer screen written by someone you have never met, are never ikely to meet, and probably wouldn't give the time of day to if you did meet - why would you care? 

[raptor_rebooted]

but when it's simply words on a computer screen written by someone you have never met, are never ikely to meet, and probably wouldn't give the time of day to if you did meet - why would you care? 

personally i wouldn't.

but i know of cases where ppl have

been 'pushed over the edge' by words

on a computer screen, by people they

never met.  i can't judge them.

bottom line - bullying is not ok.

not everyone is as strong as you

or me.

[ecar3483]

People feel safe behind the firewall of anonymity.

They believe that they can say whatever they want.

What they don't see is that when they write, they say more than they would ever say in public.

It's not the mean spiritedness, the unkind words, it's the silent scream, behind it.

That belittling outburst speaks volumes about the pain they feel, inside.

I do wonder why this, the internet, is the place they come to in order to vent.

Don't they have people in the real world with whom they can argue, at whom they can shout and rant and rave, safely?

Are their "real world relationships" so fragile that they wouldn't withstand what was, at least in my parent's generation, called a "passionate" relationship?

Is this what we've become?

So divorced from reality that we take our anger, our fear, out on strangers from behind the safety of a mask?

And equally, are we so afraid of confrontation that the slightest of slights sends us running to "Nanny" to hide behind her skirts?

Have we become jellyfish? Devoid of armour and trailing poisonous stingers? Vulnerable at one end and vicious at the other?

Bully and victim are one and the same, locked in a vindictive struggle for power, because both feel powerless, and express that in the only way they feel that they can; a war of "unkind" words.

[ecar3483]

See that glass panel, set into the wall?

That is a window on the World, what lies outside.

Look through it and you see what lies beyond, and can feel a connection with that space.

See that electronic panel in front of you?

That is also your window on the World.

It is also your connection.

For some people it is their primary connection, it Is their window to the World.

What they see there is "everything" to them, it is their reality.

The good, the bad, the hurtful.

This is a consequence of the computer revolution;

People don't look outside to see inside, they look at a screen and see what they imagine they must be.

They have become soulless, disconnected.

[raptor_rebooted]

For some people it is their primary connection, it Is their window to the World.

What they see there is "everything" to them, it is their reality.

in most cases, it is a positive thing.

'computer revolution' gave ppl a chance

to connect with other ppl, who otherwise,

for various reasons, would be socially

isolated.  

[*pepe]

---

@the_great_she_elephant wrote:

Last week Peter Dutton, the minister for immigration declared that he would not be bullied by the UN on border protection ; a few days ago Labor M.P. Gary Gray said he would not cave in to bullying by Union thugs over preselection;  and not a day goes by on FB and other social media without someone, somewhere  being accused of bullying. Has the word 'bully' become so overused as to be virtually meaningless?

I am not referring here to the concerted online abuse and innuendo that can drive vulnerable teenagers to suicide, or to cases where the online abuse spills over into real life (letters to employers, phone calls to government agencies etc.) I'm talking about the everyday  cut and thrust of online interaction where childish insults and even genuine but vigorous debate is sometimes labelled bullying by those on the receiving end.

  Are we all becoming just a tad too  precious about our perceived dignity? If, for example, you have a bird as your username or avatar and someone who has taken a dislike to you addresses you as “You great lump of avian excrement,” would you accuse that poster of  bullying , or would you simply shrug your shoulders  and conclude they were not very articulate and a few penny bangers short of a fireworks display.

As Bob would say: discuss.

---

in the above example I bolded I would suggest that its not actually bullying per se but perhaps a bid for acceptance by other like minded people - kind of like how an insecure  child joins in with a group slinging off at aother child so the group will think he or she is cool and will let he or she play with them at recess.

As for the political examples I don't think the word bullying is appropriate, perhaps saying they won't give in to pressure might be a better way to phrase it.

I have long been an advocate of teaching a target to be resilient rather than to rely on others to bail them out - to be their own hero so to speak.
Its easier to stop being a victim than it is to stop a bully being what they are.