Now I have a point to this story ... :^O
I realised I tend to tolerate way more than I need to. Which brings me to the point of my story.
For years I tolerated the problems in my relationship with Mr Ex. He never ever looked after my needs. Ever. One night I had a bad asthma attack and he begrudgingly took me to emergency but moaned and grumbled the whole time he sat by my bed while I'm struggling to breath. He left me there after a couple of hours and I had to call my sister and daughter. If I had a migraine he'd refuse to walk across the road to the chemist. But when he had the sniffles or a headache I'd hand him his pandol and fussed over him ....
The last couple of years he refused to take me out. Kept saying he was too busy or too tired. He'd get jealous and cranky if I went out with my friends. He'd even walk around me and sigh if I spent more than 10 mins on the phone.
When I'd finally crack it, he'd throw me a crumb of affection and I'd be back thinking everything was OK again. But it would only last a week or two and he'd be back to ignoring me again.
I tolerated a crappy relationship for way more than I should have. There were times I thought about leaving him, but I loved him and didn't want to hurt him. And if thruth be told .. I was too afraid to start all over again on my own at 50.
Mr Ex wasn't happy. I begged him to meet me half way in fixing our relationship but he dismissed me. He made the monumental mistake of looking for another person to make him happy. He'll always be unhappy until he realises his unhappiness comes from within himself. One night before I found out about his affair, I turned to him and said "you know it's not me making you unhappy" and he quietly said "I know". It was the only truthful thing he said during that time of lies and deceit.
We all know how it ended. I could have saved myself the trauma of being betrayed if I'd had the courage to leave years ago. And you need more than love to keep a relationship going. You need trust, team work, caring for each others needs and being responsible for your own happiness and each putting in 100% into the relationship. And here's the big one. When you first meet someone, they will tell you the truth about themselves. Listen to them. They will show you the red flags. Look for them. They are there. Don't ever think you can 'fix' them. Don't ever think your love with change the person.
So that's what I've learned about relationships.
What I've learned about me, besides the fact I tolerate crap for way too long ... I'm way stronger than I thought I was.
I can do this. We can do this. :-x
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Just a quick hello to everybody - been bust with my store, packing parcel etc and must get to bed before it's too late - my sleep pattern is cactus at ATM.
Wanted to make a comment on your post Ms Mioux. You have certainly come a long way and what a huge number of views this post has had.
You probably already know this - but what you were in, and many people are and remain that way is a Co-Dependant Relationship. There are a few good books around on this topic, and also unless it's changed there were also topics on the "Surviving Infidelity" Website. That site was so helpful to me, and am glad it's still going a sit was going to close down at one time.
I would recommend it to anyone who's coping with infidelity in their relationship. I'm even still email friend with one lady I "met" on there, and her husband was also a member. Like me, she was fortunate that her husband was repentant and willing to fully reconcile - they are still very much in love as I am with my darling husband.
I really think we all need to look at any relationships we have, now and again, to make sure they are not or becoming Co-Dependant, as many people don't even realise it is happening, and sometimes it's so bad things start getting really tough in relationships.
Sorry for the scroller, I will bow out now - hope I'm not repeating what somebody else may have posted, as haven't read back tonight.
Will be back wheLn I have more time - often think about you ladies in your OKs!!!!
Take care of yourself - it's not selfish - just sensible!!!!
