Cat_mioux's new home

[cat_mioux]

:^O

[cat_mioux]

LOL Braff seems excited too :-x  \0/  double arm wave

[thebraff]

Kylie, I wanted to get my happy post done and I didn't want to spoil the post so I am writing a separate one for you.

NOW is the time to see your Solicito, get your locks changed and certainly set up that mediator or whatever it is - the Parenting Plan.

He has no right to come every day or do the demands that he does.  You are Samantha's primary carer and you have her best interests at heart.  You have not stopped him from seeing his daughter other than when she was asleep and any normal parent wouldn't want the child being woken from their sleep.

I think it is good that he has the car seat for her.  He is showing some sense in doing that.

Get all the things in place and then go from there.

Good luck and big hugs to you.

[kyliecrv]

I'm feeling stressed and anxious about his next visit, I've made very clear after his outburst that the dailys are stopping and we will need to try to negotiate mutually convenient times etc.

but he still came today and I'm sure he will be coming tomorrow after work...

if I text him tomorrow morn to let him know that will not be coming over after work I think he will freak out and come anyway? What would I do? Im just worried about the unknowns cos he's not very balanced.

😞

[cat_mioux]

Kylie you are being very sensible about waiting until a parenting plan has been organised and agreed to with a mediator. I know your ex tries to manipulate you using your good nature and big heart to arouse pity in him. Now he is trying scare tactics. Don't be afraid Kylie.

If he has been visiting divorced dad's forums I can imagine they all whoop each other up into 'standing up for their rights' as dads. Which is good and fine. Every dad has a right to spend time with his child/ren. But everyone needs to put the rights and welfare of the child first. A visiting plan needs to take into account the child's needs first. It can't be disruptive and it seems at this stage Kylie, you are the one with the level head who can make that decision about what is best for Samantha's well being.

Your ex just can NOT come over every day nor can he help himself to your kitchen or snooze on the sofa.

Hang in there Kylie and get the professionals in to make a contract that your ex must stick to.

One of my sisters went through this too. She had to spend hours in court, with mediators, for the simplest things regarding their young children. She had to make sure everything was in writing. She even had to put up with her ex demanding they call his new wife "mummy". Ahhh it makes my blood boil just remembering the utter crap he put her through in those early days. It took a year or two but things are a lot better now. Your ex is angry and afraid but as things settle and he accepts you won't get back together, hopefully he'll become a lot more reasonable.

:-x

[cat_mioux]

I'm feeling stressed and anxious about his next visit, I've made very clear after his outburst that the dailys are stopping and we will need to try to negotiate mutually convenient times etc.

but he still came today and I'm sure he will be coming tomorrow after work...

if I text him tomorrow morn to let him know that will not be coming over after work I think he will freak out and come anyway? What would I do? Im just worried about the unknowns cos he's not very balanced.

😞

Don't let him in Kylie. Warn him he is not to come over. Tell him if he uses a key to get in you'll call the police. It's called trespassing. If he makes a scene, call the police. Let me tell you, he won't want to jeopardize shared custody by acting like a crazy jerk.

[cat_mioux]

When my ex said he was going to drop in every now and then to see how I was doing I told him he wasn't going to set foot anywhere near my house. Then he said I couldn't stop him driving past. I told him that was called stalking and I'd call the police.

The look on his face was priceless but I believe he got the message. 😉

[everything*that*i*ever*wanted]

Kylie, if he is showing up when you have expressly told him not to, I truly feel it is time to make an official complaint. You need to make a clear line in the sand. If he shows up again outside of organised times and will not leave, call the Police. Your eldest daughter it afraid for you. She isn't operating under his manipulation and your heartstrings (and I mean that as a compliment because you are a kind and loving woman). I understand you still feel guilt for ending the relationship. I put up with too much for too long from my ex and my girls and I suffered because of it. You need to send a clear and firm message. You and your children must feel safe in YOUR OWN HOME. It is no longer his home. Samantha is his family, not you and the older children. He is entitled (whilst it is healthy) to a relationship with his daughter, not the rest of you.

Please, do not allow him in your home anymore. Follow your gut honey. The Mummy Radar is NEVER wrong. It may even be worth considering a neutral drop off. You could do it at Red Rooster up the road from you.

As for the divorced dad websites, I used to get a stream of links emailed to me all the time...Until I started sending back links to harrassed mum websites.

I really do feel for you honey. It is not a fun road. When I separated I had the same hopes that you did...a harmonious relationship for the benefit of the kids, being friends and being able to visit and have bbq's etc. It is a rare outcome.

I wish I could click my fingers and make everything easy for all separated parents...sadly ego and hurt kicks in and it becomes about who wins for some.

[my2cuddlycats_not]

Kylie  ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

[thebraff]

Kylie, you have been very strong so far.  I know you must be feeling emotionally drained by it all which is exactly why you have to start getting everything in legal place.

What a wonderful Miss 16 you have.  Keep all his texts and your ones to him, plus Miss 16 keep what she took.

Book the mediation and get those locks changed PLEASE...

[my2cuddlycats_not]

:-x

what Braff said