Cat_mioux's new home

[cat_mioux]

:^O

[rose*petals]

chuk, he sounds as if he is depressed to me also. He needs to see a doctor and the sooner the better. It sounds like you truely love him but I would give him the space he needs and let him make any future moves.

If he is pushing his family away and friends have commented that they are concerned, he needs help. The worse part about it is the more people he is alienating, the worse he will become. It doesn't sound as if he is having an affair - just that he is not functioning very evenly. ♥♥

[lind9650]

Oh chuk, this is heartbreaking. He definately sounds like he needs professional help and needs it urgently. The trouble is that he must want that help. Nobody can force him to go to a Doctor.

I know what I would do under such circumstance, but it is hard to advise another. One thing I ask you to do, please don't take his withdrawing from you personally. It seems he does not know himself what he wants and in his frustrations is pushing everyone away that cares about him.

It took a srong friend with tough love to get me out of that deep hole of depression when I withdrew from everyone, including my own children. It's a very black place to be in, and not knowing how to get out of it one acts very irrationable.

My best wishes and prayers go out to you.
May you receive the strength and wisdom to deal with this situation.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[chuk_77]

he admitted last night that he needs help, said he will speak to his doctor and is open to seeing a counselor. I asked if he would do it with me and he said not at this point he needs to go it alone for now. It did give me hope at the time but as he is changing his mind every minute I don't know if he still feels that way. He also told me he was shell shocked and cant believe he has done this, wishes he could give me answers, I want to help him so badly but he is unreachable I miss him, I miss my best friend 20 years (almost) is a long time to just get up and walk away.
I also know there is so much hurt that even if he did change his mind I'd still have to go. I did tell him this and that I would love to be able to work through things but the hurt cant be undone. I can't see us ever able to get through it but at the same time I can't see us not together, it has always been me and him against the world.
The selfish part in me is scared for Monday, my mum goes to see an oncology gyno and the possibilities are terrifying me. I'm worried I will fold and put my arms around him for the comfort he has always given me when there has been health scares with my mum. i want him to take the pain away like he has always done but as he has caused this pain I can't do that. The while world has always been easier knowing I can loose myself in him one hug and I can carry on. Lind, please tell me what you would do, advise away please?

[the_great_she_elephant]

she ele I've never been about me, I worry about those I love its always been that way. And I'm a planner they never amount to anything but I make them anyway as a way of trying to sort my thoughts.
He was playing a song the other day and was just staring at me crying I'm too scared to go to him in case I get too close

Dearest Chuk, do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions? They are asked with the utmost love and respect, and there is absolutely no need for you to answer them here, but I do feel the answers to them might help you to see things more clearly as you struggle with this heartache.

1)You say 'I've never been about me, I worry about others.' I would like you to ask yourself. 'Why?' Is it because you think others are more important than yourself? Is it because you think others will like you better is you give all the time? Is it because you think you are less deserving of attention than others?

2) You say your plans never come to anything. Again I would like you to ask yourself why? Is it because the needs of others always get in the way? Is it because they are impossible dreams rather than practical plans? When you make plans do you expect them to come to fruition and when they fail are you disappointed or do you shrug your shoulders and think Oh, well, I knew it wouldnt really work out anyway?

As I said before, my questions are not in any way criticisms or accusations, and nobody is expecting you to answer them here unless you really feel that doing so will help you. I just feel that they are things you need to think about and that knowing the answer to them might make you stronger and help you to take the first steps towards finding a way out of your pain.

[chuk_77]

she ele you just made me cry
1)just always been like that, my parents health being the strong one to get them through it so they dont have to worry about me. A selfish sister who has to be the centre of attention. It has just made life easier to be the one to do the giving. If I take care of those around me I feel better about myself, giving them less to worry about
2)Pipe dreams mostly. Something always gets in the way. Can't have kids, can't afford to do the house up. Yes I'm disappointed when they don't come to fruition but I'm used to it now.
All I've wanted since I was 15 was to get married have kids love my partner with all my heart. Everyone had ambitions of travel and being rich, I just wanted a family.
I'm not saying I never had that. I grew with very loving parents who have wanted us girls to succeed in what ever we choose I just wanted that for myself.

[the_great_she_elephant]

OK. so here is what I would lke you to do. Every day for the next week - even in the midst of all this chaos -choose one little thing to do just for you, without reference to anyone else. It can be something really simple like having coffee with a friend, buying yourself something special and personal (doesn't have to be expensive) going for a walk or making sure you watch your favourite TV show, Whatever it is, acknowledge it as something you are doing for yourself 'Because I'm worth it,' and then if - and only if - you feel up to it, come and tell us about it so we can share your pleasure in it.

[chuk_77]

I'll try she ele, I'm guessing curling up under the bed covers and forgetting the world exists doesn't count right?

[the_great_she_elephant]

I'll try she ele, I'm guessing curling up under the bed covers and forgetting the world exists doesn't count right?

Only if you're eating something really sinful while you're doing it. :^O:-x

[chuk_77]

would love chocolate but will have to settle for a milo. Got no chocolate and can't be stoofed going out to get some and I lost my magic wand to make some appear

[Anonymous]

here you go chuk



and


to go with it 🙂