Does your Family Know

[grandmoon]

What your wishes are if you get terminally ill or die suddenly. ??

My friend is trying to get this information out of her partner who has just been diagnosed with cancer, The doctor has told him to make sure the family know his wishes.

He is refusing to let her know.

[daydream**believer]

Sometimes it doesnt matter what your wishes are.

Sometimes you end up in a situation where you and your family have no say at all.

My Mum would never want to be in the situation she has been in for the last 7 years

[wilk1149]

It's a great idea to let them know but having been a grave digger for ten years I know from experience once you are dead the living members if your family will do whatever they want

[youcandoityoucandoityoucandoit]

Sorry to read about your mum daydream 

Not directed at daydream...

I think its a difficult thing for a lot of people to discuss- and it seems often, its when a diagnosis is/ has just been made that the discussion becomes of paramount importance. Some people feel its 'bad luck' to talk about what will happen when they have passed away- as if the discussion can speed up time or something!

It would be great if everyone felt at ease to discuss these types of topics, but its just not realistic to expect it- it can cause a lot of stress for the patient if they feel some one is pushing them..

I think if you really care about someone, you have to accept that they may not want to talk about it.

It goes without saying that everyone is going to die- being practical and pragmatic is helpful and good luck to a person who is organised!, but not everyone is like that, and its really rather presumptious to state that in the circumstances. 

[grandmoon]

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@wilk1149 wrote:
It's a great idea to let them know but having been a grave digger for ten years I know from experience once you are dead the living members if your family will do whatever they want

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While at a neighbour's funeral my OH was looking around at the cemetery and said I would like to be buried somewhere like that.  Which was under some trees.  Well I know that he wants to be buried not cremated.

[fourandsixpants]

Sorry to hear about your friends predicament and her partners state of health grandmoon.

A 'living will' when one is in good health takes care of all this.

I would say your friend is the one who needs support atm. Her partner will speak his wishes when the time is right.

[polksaladallie]

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@wilk1149 wrote:
It's a great idea to let them know but having been a grave digger for ten years I know from experience once you are dead the living members if your family will do whatever they want

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No, they don't.  They are required by law to adhere to the contents of the EPA, the AHD and the will.

Funny, I was castigated by someone here because I was putting into place the very measures necessary to avoid what the OP's friend is having to deal with.

Grandmoon, is the partner the next of kin?  Or are there children who are and might know his wishes?

[creative*crisis]

Talking about it can make it too real. He'll probably come to it in his own time. Till then pressure will cause more stress.

We all face (or not) our mortality in our own ways.

[grandmoon]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@wilk1149 wrote:
It's a great idea to let them know but having been a grave digger for ten years I know from experience once you are dead the living members if your family will do whatever they want

---

No, they don't.  They are required by law to adhere to the contents of the EPA, the AHD and the will.

Funny, I was castigated by someone here because I was putting into place the very measures necessary to avoid what the OP's friend is having to deal with.

Grandmoon, is the partner the next of kin?  Or are there children who are and might know his wishes?

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The partner is his next of kin.  They have been living toether for over 25 years now.  He has siblings but no children.  It was the doctor who told him to let the famiy know his wishes.

He had been putting off going to the doctors as we think he was aware that something wasn't right.

[softail-joanie]

Does your Family Know What your wishes are if you get terminally ill or die suddenly?

Not sure I have much in the way of a family, or really much in the way of anything substantial. My wishes might not be possible. I want all evedence that I was ever here destroyed. that would mean much more than just a creamation of me and burning all pictures. It would mean deleting everything the government, the state, ect. has reguarding me. all records of my existence. Might not be possible. But I did tell my dad, for what it's worth.

Oh, sorry about your friend.

The doctor has told him to make sure the family know his wishes. He is refusing to let her know.

well then, wouldn't her not knowing, be his wish?, or am i way off on this, not understanding it fully?

[the_great_she_elephant]

Mr Elephant and i have recently had a long talk with our daughter on this very subjet. She downloaded some forms for us to fill in which will go some way towards formalising our wishes, but th eoptions they cover are rather general. She knows, and the rest of the family know that in the event of us being able to make decisions for ourselves or each other, she has our permission to make those decisions for us. Fortunately she is OK with this as it is a big thing to ask of someone.