Hubby is irritating, annoying habits - had enough

[ashjoma]

My hubby  and I had an argument this evening and he walked out (offended as usual) and has come back.

I had some bags of my daughters too small clothing for a friend and some new expensive kids clothing for putting on Ebay and I had asked him to leave it to one side.

It vanished this morning and he denied knowing anything and said he had not touched it.

I searched and searched  ( and he knew I was searching) and asked him again this evening and then he said he had put it all in the charity bin up the road, 

I got angry and said he should leave my things alone and how dare he throw my possessions out.

He then stormed off, saying he was leaving and staying in a motel - came back about 30 minutes later.

This is not the first time he has done this - I regularly find my things in the bin - eg expensive pashmina blanket,  clothing, my books and magazines, university work,  kids toys

- once I found my brand new camera equipment in the garbage bin. still in the packaging

When we moved, I found my 2 boxes of beloved knitting patterns in the bin and he tried to divert me from finding them.

Some sentimental items have also vanished.

Last week, I found  my shopping in the bin - cans of soup, baked beans and tomato sauce. Straight in the bin.

He never asks - I find this so rude and disrespectful. I would not throw his things out.

If I ask, he either denies it or says he can't remember and looks uncomfortable.

His father threw out my daughter's  wooden rocking horse, which my father had lovingly restored for her and my son's beloved blanket. No asking me. And then had the hide to deny anything about the blanket, before saying that he did throw it out because he thought my son was too old for it.

So I can see where it all comes from.

I have hired a storage unit and will quietly move the majority of my possessions there so I have some privacy and he cannot just throw out my things.

I find him so disrespectful that he thinks he can do this.

And then he gets so offended when questioned and I say I am unhappy and storms off.

thanks - vent over.

[the_hawk*]

He either has a serious mental issues or has absolutely no respect for you or your things and needs to be sent packing

Only you know which one it is, but the kids is not a good excuse for putting up with either.

treatment if its a mental issue or the kurb

[cq_tech]

I personally feel that the fellow is seriously mentally ill and requires some sort of psychiatric intervention because what he's doing is so far from normal as to be quite bizarre behaviour, and without treatment I can only see things deteriorating further.

Would he be amenable to a trip to your family GP, do you think? Or (as is more likely), does he not believe he has a problem and refuses to see anybody about it? As this situation won't improve without intervention, you really only have 2 choices; either get him help, or leave him.

[jvharrison]

Hi Wondering how old your husband is?

[*crikey*mate*]

Is it possible that the things he throws away are maybe not put away in their "proper" place?

just a thought, it doesn't excuse his total disregard for your property, but maybe it's his way of saying "put it where it goes FGS!

It drives me nuts how my OH leaves things around. ie, he ought leave the drill in the bathroom where he was fixing something, or leave his shoes in a walkway where someone trips over them, leave the band aids wherever he used them and not put em back in the first aid kit..... dirty clothes ON TOP of the basket (yep, that lid is sooooooo heavy!)

i used to just dump all his stuff on his side of the bed, but then he'd just squish it over onto my side. So now I just dump it all on the floor on his side of the bed, so only he trips over it... 

After 20 years, he hasn't improved a lot LOL, so I just do what I can so it doesn't bother me IYKWIM.

[azureline**]

😮

[kengillard]

most odd behaviour.....mental health problem I think....try and get him to a doctor....I wouldn't irritate him too much meanwhile.

[i-once-was-bump]

Please don't start throwing out his belongings, you could make things a whole lot worse.

[kengillard]

does he have any drug/alcohol problems?  That can cause bizarre behaviour

[darksideofthemoon]

You do need help with this man... Go see you doctor and ask him about it.  You might get some good advice.

I think you idea of storage is a good one and I would act on that today.

Definitely something seriously wrong and maybe he needs help, but in the meantime he is destroying what ever feelings you have left for him.

Using the kids as an excuse not to get rid of him is not viable... there is a good chance they would be relieved if he left as the rows between you and the things he is doing will be causing them a fair bit of stress and the rows would be upsetting.

I would move him out of the house and insist he stays out.  Change the locks and tell him you will discuss possession etc when he finds a place of his own somewhere else.

Failing that you had better take the kids and the things you want and find somewhere for yourselves.... staying with him is ceasing to be an option.

[kengillard]

.it's sometimes not that simple to 'move him out'.......I'd seek medical advice first....see what your GP says and take it from there.