Hubby is irritating, annoying habits - had enough

[ashjoma]

My hubby  and I had an argument this evening and he walked out (offended as usual) and has come back.

I had some bags of my daughters too small clothing for a friend and some new expensive kids clothing for putting on Ebay and I had asked him to leave it to one side.

It vanished this morning and he denied knowing anything and said he had not touched it.

I searched and searched  ( and he knew I was searching) and asked him again this evening and then he said he had put it all in the charity bin up the road, 

I got angry and said he should leave my things alone and how dare he throw my possessions out.

He then stormed off, saying he was leaving and staying in a motel - came back about 30 minutes later.

This is not the first time he has done this - I regularly find my things in the bin - eg expensive pashmina blanket,  clothing, my books and magazines, university work,  kids toys

- once I found my brand new camera equipment in the garbage bin. still in the packaging

When we moved, I found my 2 boxes of beloved knitting patterns in the bin and he tried to divert me from finding them.

Some sentimental items have also vanished.

Last week, I found  my shopping in the bin - cans of soup, baked beans and tomato sauce. Straight in the bin.

He never asks - I find this so rude and disrespectful. I would not throw his things out.

If I ask, he either denies it or says he can't remember and looks uncomfortable.

His father threw out my daughter's  wooden rocking horse, which my father had lovingly restored for her and my son's beloved blanket. No asking me. And then had the hide to deny anything about the blanket, before saying that he did throw it out because he thought my son was too old for it.

So I can see where it all comes from.

I have hired a storage unit and will quietly move the majority of my possessions there so I have some privacy and he cannot just throw out my things.

I find him so disrespectful that he thinks he can do this.

And then he gets so offended when questioned and I say I am unhappy and storms off.

thanks - vent over.

[happyroo_bunji]

The fact that he throws out food you've just purchased sent alarm bells ringing in my head.  Coupled with his other disposing of other peoples posessions, it is not only disrespectful it is down right strange.  He needs medical help.

[janeababe]

By the way you write, it seems to me this marriage is already over.
My stuff, my books, my son, my storage unit, my, my, my.

PLEASE... the worst thing any parent can do IMO, (and i lived it growing up) is to stay together for the sake of the kids! Kids are stronger than you think. BUT, when they grow up in, and live the turmoil between two parents, then the child also takes on that turmoil.

Dont you think your children need a *sane* and friendly living enviroment now?

Because by what you explain ^^^ up there... I dont see much *sane* of anything.

How do you plan to move all  your stuff into a storage unit for privacy? Like what kind of stuff?? clothes? Books? cookware?  then what will you have left at *home*??

It just doesnt make any sense.

If your husband wont seek the medical help he blatently requires, then forget him and start looking after yourself and the children.... move out yourself.

GOOD LUCK  (((( hugs))))  :-x

[beanishells]

I have seen this before, from two males... both were from an ethnic background where they believed that as they were the man of the family, everything in the house came under their authority so it was okay for them to give away or throw out anything they pleased. The other family members were not the owners of their own stuff.

I have also seen one of them throw stuff out because they were obsessive compulsive about neatness and also, if any of us gave a present and they thought it was clutter, out it went.

Needless to say the second marriage did not survive. She also stayed for their child, who now has serious emotional problems from this kind of abuse. Staying was sending her into depression.

I would think that its time for you to show him how serious you really are.

The storage unit is a very good idea but I would also take the advice of others who have suggested seeing a social worker. Very good idea. Dont be a victim. all the best :-x

[icyfroth]

That is just downright creepy the obession of throwing out all your stuff. Especially the shopping. I wonder what his reasoning is about that?

[katydidthat]

Does any of this seem familiar?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_personality_disorder

http://www.netplaces.com/ocd/types-of-ocd/movement-compulsions.htm

A couple of ideas to start with, maybe.  

[icyfroth]

My OH is the exact opposite.  He never wants to throw anything out. Never checks his mail but lets it build up until I threaten to put it through the shredder. Then he still doesn't attention it. Then I open it and sort it, and we have a big fight.

Hi Katy 🙂

[katydidthat]

Hi Icy!!!  🙂

[kengillard]

worth reading.......manipulator, narcissist etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

[bright.ton42]

Hiring a storage unit is a terrific idea. 

Well yes and no.  What's the point of having nice things if you can't have them

around you but they're stuck in storage?  It's no way to live. 

I agree with most of what others have said here about him seriously 

needing help ,   and you too, you just can't live like that.  

[not_an_eloi]

you say that you're father is livin' with you, perhaps it's him wot's doin' the disappearin' act with your junk.

 i left a heap of items in a storage unit for a couple of years, when i went to give back the key and get my stuff, the heat inside the thing 'ad caused a lot of damage.