My Mums update thread

[daydream**believer]

This thread is dedicated to my Mother and her recovery.




On Monday the 4th June 2007, while holidaying in the UK with my Father, my Mother was struck by a van while crossing the road.

Mum spent 88 days in various UK hospitals before finally being brought home back to Australia on the 30th August 2007.

She is currently in The John Whittle Nursing Facility with brain damage

I have set up this thread to keep you all updated on her condition and her improvements and hopefully one day, Mum will be able to read it.

[kengillard]

you have been going through the grief process for years now.   Don't be surpised if you feel a bit numb.

[daydream**believer]

is that it?

Am i numb?

I guess i do feel numb.

I mean, any normal person would be so upset to hear that their Mum was distressed and in pain for 3 days.

I just want this to end.

Am i not normal anymore?

Will this make me numb to other things?

[the_hawk*]

Sorry Amie I have no words that can help ((((((Amie))))))

[vampire-teddy]

Amy i will be forever grateful that my dad passed quickly after his recent fall and that the doctors put him on morphine to ease his pain which i believe helped him to go.  i cannot even imagine the pain you and your family have gone through in the past 6 years.  all i can offer is that I hope your mother is at peace soon and that you all find the relief you so desperately need.  

i do think you go into a type of survival mode in these situations.  I think i did when my dad moved into his nursing home in February.  I think you shut off some of you emotions in order to cope.  I don't think I have truly grieved yet but that it will come when i am not expecting it.  

my thoughts are with you

[kengillard]

I'm sure you've probably looked for info on grieving...perhaps this could be helpful?

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

[kengillard]

I'm going through a slow grief process too.....my OH has vascular dementia and diabetic problems, is currrently in a nursing home, and I don't think he''ll be coming home.  Just one day at a time is all you can do.

[daydream**believer]

thanks gilly

I havent looked into grieving because, well i suppose i didnt class myself as grieving yet as she hasnt gone.

[ashjoma]

Amy, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

You may remember, I lost my Mum last year - it will be 18 months on Sunday - Mum had a massive bleed in the brain and was unconscious and took 4 days to die.

I had to make the choice of attempting surgery or doing nothing. I chose to do nothing and keep mum comfortable and in palliative care.  My Dad who was 88, was unable to make any decisions but did not leave the bedside for 24 hours

The neuro specialist said mum was unlikely to survive the surgery, and if she did, there would be little difference in her condition, and she would never come home and would always be bed ridden, full care in a nursing home and unlikely to be able to respond.

I made the decision as whilst mum had never specifically discussed her own wants, she had said she would never want to have futile, painful procedures that would prolong the inevitable. And she did not want to be kept alive in such a situation.

It is so hard, I miss my mother desperately, but I think if she was  unconscious in a nursing home, that would be worse for me (and Dad) as well.  We would not want that either.

Sometimes, I think I should have given the go ahead with surgery as maybe something  could have been done.  I will never know.

I cry privately in the shower.

I have not yet picked up mum's ashes, I have not been able to do so, but I will in the next few weeks as I have been getting letters from the crematorium asking that they be picked up.

It has been a long 6 years for you and you have shown so much courage.   Please get as much help as you can and support for yourself.  I can see and feel the grief you are going through.

you are not the only one, I understand and think of you and what you are going through.  All of us here, do.

Please take time for yourself and look after yourself.

.

[my2cuddlycats_not]

One of the worst things in being in this type of situation, where it just never seems to end, is that you have done your grieving, you did it when the accident occurred, you did it when you realised your mum would probably never recover............. you have done your grieving, there is no more, you have no more.

Please don't feel guilty for this, you are not horrible, you are not a horrible daughter, you can't be blamed for wanting it to be over, this is for your sake as well as your mother's sake, no-one wants to see their loved one linger like this.

[kyliecrv]

Amy, thinking of you. ❤️

It's coming up 10 years since my darling husband passed and I still feel grief, and guilt over decisions I was forced to make and I still occasionally cry in the shower!

It doesn't rule your life but you must believe in your heart that you are a good daughter who is doing her best to cope to be able to function with your own family responsibilities.

I have to wonder if your dad hadn't been so strongly adamant that she would be fine that they may've already started with the morphine, and easing her into the next world.
I really hope she is freed soon. ❤️