My Mums update thread

This thread is dedicated to my Mother and her recovery.

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On Monday the 4th June 2007, while holidaying in the UK with my Father, my Mother was struck by a van while crossing the road.

Mum spent 88 days in various UK hospitals before finally being brought home back to Australia on the 30th August 2007.

She is currently in The John Whittle Nursing Facility with brain damage

I have set up this thread to keep you all updated on her condition and her improvements and hopefully one day, Mum will be able to read it.
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My Mums update thread

28th april 2008
Hi everyone,
We are home.

On Saturday the kids and I spent the morning at the Dubbo Show then i went to Dads and packed my bags and went up to say Goodbye to Mum and dad.
I sat with them for about 2 hours before going close to Mum, giving her a kiss and telling her that i had to go back to Adelaide.
She immediately got upset and i told her i had to go as the kids had to go back to school and i had to go back to work, but i would be back to see her as soon as possible.
She started really sobbing. No question about it, she knew exactly what i was saying and was so upset.
She had never been upset like that when i left eachday, so she understood i would not be back for a while.

In the end, before i got to upset, i had to leave her room. Dad stayed, saying words to comfort her.

He rang me later that night o say it took 20 minutes to calm her down.
he also thanked me for all i had done
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3oth April 2008
I rang dad last night and he said the Neurologist appointment went really well.
He said Mum did all that she asked her to do.

The Neurologist is so happy with Mums progress that she says Mum has actually advanced beyond Neurology help.
She will be advising Mums GP to get in touch with the Rehabilitation Centre again and get them to come and re assess Mum (She failed their tests in December).
She also discussed the Stilnox trial and said that the Rehab centre would be the ones to further look into it.

Its all kinda good news but i dont get how a person with an obvious brain injury is now not a patient for a Neurologist? I mean, sure, she has improved, but shes far from better.
It just comes across to me as another specialist passing her on to yet another specialist.
Maybe its not. I dont know.

Suppose we will just wait for the Rehab centre to get re involved again now.
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7th May 2008
It is Mothers Day this weekend.
My first Mothers Day i wont get to talk to my Mum

I know my sister has big regrets from last Mothers Day. Mum had rung her on Mothers Day morning and asked if she would like to spend the day together. Go out somewhere nice for lunch and do some shopping. My sister had said no, she was to busy.
She wishes so much she had spent the day with Mum.
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11th may 2008
This morning i rang My sisters mobile and got to say Happy Mothers Day to Mum.
All i could hear was her heavy breathing.

Today is harder than i thought it would be
Ive been in tears all morning and now ive got to go to work from 11am till 9:30pm.
Maybe being at work will take my mind off of the day.

Oh god i just miss her so much
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22nd april 2008
Talked to dad and my sister tonight.
They are both very distressed.
Mum is over her cold which is good. Has a slight urine infection but its being treated but, she is now screaming.
The crying and sobbing has turned into full on screams and its really upsetting my Dad and sister.
Its pretty much impossible to settle her down once she starts apparently.
4 of her bowls friends visited her and she started screaming pretty much as soon as they walked in. They got so upset they had to leave.

I tried to settle them both by saying its a good thing, another step in improvement. She's using her voice and thats great. Shes closer to maybe talking, but.......OMG, i dnt think i could handle seeing her doing that

Its also Mums birthday next Wednesday. She turns 61 years old.

She was in England for her birthday last year. I remember i got my days and times mixed up and rang her to say happy Birthday but it was the day before her birthday and about midnight over there. Mum was half asleep and i just said real quick "Just ringing to say Happy Birthday. Talk to you when you get home" and then i hung up.
That was the last time i talked to her
One week later she had the accident

ohhhh god, id give anythig to have that time again. just a few more minutes on the phone to tell her how much i love her. Why didnt i take some more time to ring on the right fliping day and at a better time? if i knew it was going to be the last time we talked i would of said so much more.

itsnot fair
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26th april 2008
Have had good news today.
The travel insurance compensation payout for Mum has been finalised. Dad will receive a cheque tomorrow. Its for permanent disability compensation. Its enough to pay for 2 years of Mum being in the nursing home. This will be a huge stress relief for Dad.
Other news is the rehabilitation team are going up to see Mum this week and re access her.
The friends who visited Mum over the weekend from Sydney (3 women who are like sisters to Mum), saw that Dad does Mums daily physio due to the home not having a permanent physio on staff and so they are going to pay for a physio to see Mum once a week.

Wednesday is Mums 61st birthday.
Next wednesday will be one year since the accident.
Amazingly this year has gone fast for me. Its just been so full on, with so much to do and my thoughts occupied every minute of everyday.
The hardest year of my life so probably a good thing that its gone by so fast.
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30th april 2008
I had a bad night last night. For selfish reasons really.
See my little boy starts his school visits today. Every Friday for the rest of the term he will be going up to the school for a few hours to get used to it. Then next term, he starts school.
Hes all dressed up in school uniform and im so proud of him but also full of emotions.
As much as i love my Dad....well, hes just not interested in my life really, and hes not really interested in the kids.
Last night i tried to talk to him about little man going to school and he justs changes the subject. Im not angry with him about that. Its the way he is and always has been.....but

ohhh god how i miss having my Mum to talk to about my life and what the kids are up to. I miss her excitement at the things the kids do. I miss the excitement the kids would show when they get on the phone to her and tell her what they have been up to.
I dont have anyone anymore that really cares about what ive been up to or about my kids.
I mean, yes i know my Dad cares, and my sister and my inlaws.....but they are not the same as my Mum.

I dont like how im feeling inside today. It hurts in my heart.
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i got the dates wrong on the last 3 posts. Its meant to be May not april
4th june 2008
Today is one year since Mums accident.
One year since my life changed.
One year of crying, of sadness.

I know i know, i should be thinking of the positive, but its hard today

Ive called my sister this morning. Weve had a cry together.
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11th june 2008
spoke to my sister tonight.

She says Mum is very emotional and she doesnt know what to do.
I talked to her about maybe her talking to Mum about what has happened.
No need to go into to much detail about the accident but just explain that it happened in Blackpool, that she was in a coma for months, that she beat 3 bouts of pneumonia, that i went over to see her etc.
I said to my sister maybe the last thing she remembers is being in Blackpool and doesnt have a clue why she is the way she is now.
I suggested maybe telling her that it was touch and go for a while but that she has come so far.

I spose it was easy for me to suggest all this being so far away.
But, my sister doesnt think she can tell her.
She knows Mum will become extremely upset. She doesnt think she can handle that

I dont know if i could handle it either

My sister worries Mum is going to give up and that maybe telling her all that happened will make her want to give up even more.

Then we both cried saying we wouldnt blame her if she gave up
God she would hate to be like this.

Maybe she cries all day for Dad? Maybe it saddens her to see him up with her all day everyday? He's so tired. She would see that. She would hate that she's doing this to him

She would hate this all so much.


I hate this all so much
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11th June 2008
Im having a bad nght wol and karen.

bad night with bad thoughts.

But, me and my sister both know she never ever wanted to be like this.
she said to oth of us when my Pop (Mums dad) was dying from cancer, in hospital not able to do anything for himself...she said to us both she would never want to be like that.

Yes, i know, Pop had cancer and was dying. Mum is living....but is she?
Is she in constant pain? Who knows?

God im a selfish bitch of a daughter tonight.
How can i say and think these things that im thinking?

arghhhh, im just so angry at the world tonight
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19th june 2008
Things are not going to well.

Mum is crying more than ever.
Dad is a mess, hardly sleeping and hard to talk to as he seems lost plus he had his blood pressure checked and its way to high.
He is having a blood test tomorrow.

My sister seems exhausted as well.


Foley, dad got your gift today and says it is beautiful. He thanks you so very very much. He took it up to Mum and they sat and listened to it
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26th june 2008
Hi al, I dont usually get updates about Mum between Sunday and Thursday due to me being at work at night.
But i had the night off last night so i rang my sister.

She says Mum has been a little bit better this week.
Shes still crying quite a lot but it seems that my brother in law is always able to make her laugh.
My brother in law is....ummmmm..... a bit ........ummmmm.......how can i put it politely.......stupid at times.
You know the type...laughs at his own farts, tells stupid jokes etc
Not someone my Mum found very funny before. But now, she finds him hilarious and just watches him the whole time he visits her.
He visits with my sister every afternoon.
I think him visiting and making Mum laugh cheers dad up at the end of the day as well and makes the fact that he goes home to an empty house, a little bit more bareable.
On the days my sis and BIL cant visit are the days that Dad goes home really depressed
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4th july 2008
Spoke to Dad last night.
He was excited as tonight Mum did something different.

See, Mum has false bottom teeth. Dad puts them in each day and takes them out before he leaves.
When Dad leaves, my sis and Bil are with Mum. My sister hates touching Mums teeth so thats why dad has to do it before he leaves.
Tonight he forgot.
He said his goodbye and headed to the door and then they all heard Mum making a lot of noise. They turned to her and she was trying to talk, turning her head a little bit and trying to flick her teeth out.
She was trying to remind Dad to take her teeth out.

Thats a good thing isnt it?

After the call with dad, i rang my sister. She is not doing to well at the moment Everything is getting on top of her.

After my night of calls i got really down. I feel like im in the middle of 2 families who want nothing to do with eachother.
When i talk to my Dad, he never asks how my kids are or how anything in my life is and here, my hubby never asks how my Mum is anymore.
I feel like i have two seperate lives.
One from Sunday to Thursday thats totally focused on my family here and going to work at night.
And the other starts on Thursday and goes through to Saturday night, where i focus on my family right up till after dinner and then i spend the night on the phone with Dad.
And the two lives dont mix.
Because neither side asks nor really wants to hear about the other
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4th july 2008
Selfishly i miss just telling Mum stuff.
Like sharing the excitement and sadness i feel cause my little man starts school next term.
Just wanting to talk to her about having another baby.
Missing hearing my kids on the phone to her.

I know, im lucky i had her in my life for all the years before this accident, and yes, i know, shes not gone, shes still alive and yes, i know i can write letters and get them read to her.....but, you know what....its just not the same

Gosh i sound like a real biatch now.
Its not like i dont count my blessings everyday that shes still alive and fighting and i so appreciate all the advice etc that i get from this thread. Im just having one of those moods

You know, this thread is kinda like a surrogate Mum to me sometimes. The emotional outbursts ive had in here are things i would usually only share with my Mum.

Ohh geez, im crying again now
Better get back out to the gardening
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Up to post 3750, page 76

This is harder than i thought it would be ๐Ÿ˜ž
Bringing back very painful memories
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18th July 2008
Hi everyone.
Well i spoke to Dad and my sister last night.
The Doctor got up to see Mum this week and brought 2 other Doctors with her.
They were concerned Mum may be developing pneumonia.
At the stage they say she hasnt got it but have put her on a stronger antibiotic.

Apparently her urine infection is clearing up.

In other news though, Dad had some tests done a couple of weeks ago and has got the results. His blood pressure is through the roof and he has severe kidney damage. He has been put on blood pressure tablets which the Doc says, when his bp drops his kidneys should start to repair.

I tried to talk to him about it but he said "dont worry about me, worry about your Mum"
I said "You are going to be no good to Mum if you get sick"
He said "Well then maybe i will be able to get a bed next to her"

I think thats all he wants
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24th July 2008
I just spoke to my Mum

I rang my sister and it got re directed to her mobile and she was up with Mum.
They put the phone to Mums ear and i said "Mum, its me, Amy"
She started bawling immediatley

I tried to get her to stop crying.
I told her if she kept crying then i would cry.
I tried to tell her about Mitchell starting school, but her crying got worse.
In the end they had to take the phone away from her

Im a bit of a mess

Yes, i know it means she knew my voice. She knows me, but OMG that was so hard to hear
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7th August 2008
I just did the call to Mum.

Dad has been talking to her on and off through out the day about me calling and everytime she has got upset.
When i first spoke, she seemed ok, just a few moans but as i kept talking she got worse and worse.
I tried to talk to her about everyday things here but if i mentioned the kids she got really upset.
I did talk for a few minutes though.
It didnt sound like my Mum at all
It was hard not to start bawling myself

Next time will hopefully go a bit better.
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8th Aug 2008
I received a beautiful gift today from Rosieglen and Norti-who-me.

A gorgeous patchwork cushion cover and a beautiful patchwork wall hanging.
They truely are beaut
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15th Aug 2008
I just talked to Mum.

She got upset when i first spoke so dad was in the background trying to settle her down.
So i said to mum "tell dad to shutup. How are you supposed to listen to me when his gums keep flapping in the background"
And she laughed at that.

The call went much better than the last 2 had.

I told her i want her to keep practicing to say hello because it would mean the world to me if, one day, she could say hello to me over the phone.

Now im all upset thinking about that
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21st Aug 2008
I just talked to Mum.

She did really well this time. Started crying when i first started talking but then stopped.
I had to give her some news that a very close family friend of ours is having a baby (shes been trying to get pregnant for 7 years).
Mum was totally silent while i was telling her about it.
Then i started talking about the kids and she got a little bit upset but not to bad.
I told her maybe in a few weeks the kids could get on the phone and say hello.
So the phonecall went really well but there was a problem after

When i got off the phone i noticed Miss 7 was hiding behind the lounge and crying.
I asked her what was wrong and she cried saying she doent want to talk to Nan on the phone.
I asked why and she says she doesnt know why, she just doesnt want to.
She says she misses her so much and it makes her to sad to think about her

I told Miss 7 that i wouldnt make her do it if she doesnt want to but that i think it would help Nan if she did. I told her all she would have to say is somthing like "hello Nan, it's Breanna. I love you".
She says she doesnt want to make me sad but she really doesnt want to talk

Mr 5 says hes happy to talk to her on the phone. So im thinking maybe getting him to do it one week and her seeing it being no big deal and hopefully she will do it the week after.

Im trying hard not to be sad and disappointed but....i kinda am
I wont push her to talk if she really doesnt want to but i will be sad if she doesnt.
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18th Sept 2008
Things are not good

Mum hyas a very very bad cough and cold. Its looking like she may have pneumonia again.

I just talked to her on the phone and all i can hear is her wheezing.
She didnt cry though, even when i talked about putting the kids on the phone, so i put Mitchell on.
He said "Hello Nan. I love you"
That started her crying and her voice sounded terrible.
Ohh god, i hope she doesnt get pneumonia again.
Shes had it 3 times. I dont know if her lungs could cope with it again.

I'll call Dad tonight.
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19th Sept 2008
I called Dad last night and he told me what has been going on.
Mum has a very bad flu at the moment but at this stage is managing to cough up the gunk herself.
At the times when she is struggling to get it out, they suction her.
While she is coughing it up herself, she may not develop pneumonia again but she needs to be watched and monitored closely.
My sister says Mum is not looking good. She says she looks like she has aged 10 years in the past 2 days.

I did not do to good last night. Got myself into quite a hysterical mess and hubby ended up having to give me a sleeping pill.
Today i feel like a zombie. My head and eyes hurt.

I think having Mitchell talk to Mum upset me more than i thought it would. It made me think about how much MKum is missing out on them and also how much they are missing out on my Mum.
I feel anger towards my sister because her kids got to have their Nan while they were young.
Thats so stupid to feel like that but i cant help it.

oh geez, now im crying again.
Think i'll just go back to bed after i drop the kids at school
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21st sept 2008
spoke to dad last night. He says Mum is worse. He was going to go up and check on her again at 10pm.
He is hoping the antibiotics will kick in today and start helping.

I also talked to my sister and she thinks maybe Mum has given up.
Gawd, who can blame her. I would of given up months ago
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26th sept 2008
Mum is getting over her flu bit needs another dose of antibiotics.

Yesterday i had a phychic reading. Many eeerie things were said (things i wont go into on here) but i was also told that i am mums favourite and she sees me as the responsible one who has her head screwed on right and that i need to push Mum to get better as it will have an effect on her.

So tonight when i talked to mum on the phone, i was a bit more bossy with her.
I told her that she better start doing to excercises that dad does with her. That he is trying to help her talk and i want her to talk so she has to try harder.
She didnt cry at all. My sister said Mum was so focused on what i was saying.

At the end of the call i said to Mum "make a noise for me Mum so i know you are there". She made a sft noise but i said "thats not loud enough. Make a louder noise" and she did.
She did a loud moan.

So, im gonna try and be a bit more tough with her. Tell her what i want her to do. The psychis said thats what mum wants.
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