This thread is dedicated to my Mother and her recovery.
On Monday the 4th June 2007, while holidaying in the UK with my Father, my Mother was struck by a van while crossing the road.
Mum spent 88 days in various UK hospitals before finally being brought home back to Australia on the 30th August 2007.
She is currently in The John Whittle Nursing Facility with brain damage
I have set up this thread to keep you all updated on her condition and her improvements and hopefully one day, Mum will be able to read it.
On Monday the 4th June 2007, while holidaying in the UK with my Father, my Mother was struck by a van while crossing the road.
Mum spent 88 days in various UK hospitals before finally being brought home back to Australia on the 30th August 2007.
She is currently in The John Whittle Nursing Facility with brain damage
I have set up this thread to keep you all updated on her condition and her improvements and hopefully one day, Mum will be able to read it.
*silver*lining* (80)
I know how it is to have your mind go thru all these scenarios Amy and in the end it was my mum who decided for herself.
We were preparing for her to come home and go into a rehab facility and the next thing we new she had slipped away.
It was a shock to all of us but I started to think maybe mum wasnt prepared to live a life where she wasnt able to do all the things she could do before. Her illness was sudden but did not go on for this amount of time.
Your mum is holding on Amy, its been a long while and although she has those sad times and looks sad she must want to stay. The body has a way of healing and time is what it needs as I know you have been told many times. She's hanging in there and there is progress. She wants to be here.
I know those sad looks and they are heart breaking but I believe if she really wanted to go she would.
Chin up and lots of love to you.
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*binks* (Private)
Ignore (3228 of 4577) 11/03/2008 22:48 Report
Amy your aunt is right.. you will drive yourself crazy thinking about this... you know.. your mum and dad may have talked about this sort of thing happening and them not wanting to be like your mum is currently..at the time of talking about they were probably thinking that if ever this happened when they were much older, having seen their grandies grown up...and lived life to the fullest.... your mum has sooo much more to look forward to... and when she is all better she will thankyou all for what you all have been doing.... she has come soooo far already... yep and there is still a long way to go.... your mum is probably more sad at the fact of things not moving along as quickly as she wants just like you all are..... not angry at any of you at all..
{{{{HUGS}}}}} โฅโฅโฅ
I know how it is to have your mind go thru all these scenarios Amy and in the end it was my mum who decided for herself.
We were preparing for her to come home and go into a rehab facility and the next thing we new she had slipped away.
It was a shock to all of us but I started to think maybe mum wasnt prepared to live a life where she wasnt able to do all the things she could do before. Her illness was sudden but did not go on for this amount of time.
Your mum is holding on Amy, its been a long while and although she has those sad times and looks sad she must want to stay. The body has a way of healing and time is what it needs as I know you have been told many times. She's hanging in there and there is progress. She wants to be here.
I know those sad looks and they are heart breaking but I believe if she really wanted to go she would.
Chin up and lots of love to you.
--------------------------------------------
*binks* (Private)
Ignore (3228 of 4577) 11/03/2008 22:48 Report
Amy your aunt is right.. you will drive yourself crazy thinking about this... you know.. your mum and dad may have talked about this sort of thing happening and them not wanting to be like your mum is currently..at the time of talking about they were probably thinking that if ever this happened when they were much older, having seen their grandies grown up...and lived life to the fullest.... your mum has sooo much more to look forward to... and when she is all better she will thankyou all for what you all have been doing.... she has come soooo far already... yep and there is still a long way to go.... your mum is probably more sad at the fact of things not moving along as quickly as she wants just like you all are..... not angry at any of you at all..
{{{{HUGS}}}}} โฅโฅโฅ
13th March 2008
My sister just rang with exciting news.
She was up with Mum last night and Dad was telling them about a movie they had watched during the day.
Some Michael Caine movie where hes on a beach naked so he covers himself with sand and there was a lump sticking up.
Anyway, while Dad was telling my sister about it, Mum started laughing. A big laugh (My sister did it on the phone to me). A definate full on laugh with a huge smile on her face.
My sis hadnt seen her laugh before and was shocked and thrilled.
In other news, Dad locked himself out of his house on Monday morning and got into quite a state
He couldnt get in touch with my sis so he called my 18 year old nephew.
My nephew was trying to get in as well as calm Dad down. Dad was panicing cause it was the time he should be up with Mum.
Anway, while nephew was out the front trying to get in, Dad shoulder barged the backdoor about 10 times and broke in.
Hes now stuffed his shoulder and neck
----------------------------------------------------
14th march 2008
Has been a good day regarding Mum things
With the laughing news this morning and just then i got a call from the travel insurance team regarding looking into claiming the permanent disability compensation payout for Mum.
The wheels are in motion and the medical team are going to be notified.
Then hopefully one of their Docs will go and assess Mum and then...well we will see what happens.
Ohh and yesterday Dad got his cheque refund for the flights they didnt end up using.
So all is going good at thew moment.
Gawd bless travel insurance
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14th March 2008
and heres the downer for the day
Mum failed the swallowing test and now has another urine infection and a chest infection
My sister just rang with exciting news.
She was up with Mum last night and Dad was telling them about a movie they had watched during the day.
Some Michael Caine movie where hes on a beach naked so he covers himself with sand and there was a lump sticking up.
Anyway, while Dad was telling my sister about it, Mum started laughing. A big laugh (My sister did it on the phone to me). A definate full on laugh with a huge smile on her face.
My sis hadnt seen her laugh before and was shocked and thrilled.
In other news, Dad locked himself out of his house on Monday morning and got into quite a state
He couldnt get in touch with my sis so he called my 18 year old nephew.
My nephew was trying to get in as well as calm Dad down. Dad was panicing cause it was the time he should be up with Mum.
Anway, while nephew was out the front trying to get in, Dad shoulder barged the backdoor about 10 times and broke in.
Hes now stuffed his shoulder and neck
----------------------------------------------------
14th march 2008
Has been a good day regarding Mum things
With the laughing news this morning and just then i got a call from the travel insurance team regarding looking into claiming the permanent disability compensation payout for Mum.
The wheels are in motion and the medical team are going to be notified.
Then hopefully one of their Docs will go and assess Mum and then...well we will see what happens.
Ohh and yesterday Dad got his cheque refund for the flights they didnt end up using.
So all is going good at thew moment.
Gawd bless travel insurance
---------------------------------------------------
14th March 2008
and heres the downer for the day
Mum failed the swallowing test and now has another urine infection and a chest infection
18th march 2008
Well Mum has been fighting a bad chest and urine infection for a few days.
It has made her very sleepy and non responsive.
I heard back from the Doctor in the UK involved in the coma awakenings drug (Stilnox) trial.
I had sent him a copy of Mum neurologist report so he could read what stage Mum is at. In the report, the Neurologist had also said he didnt think that Stilnox would not suit Mum as she wasnt in a deep coma.
The UK Doctor has sent me a huge report to print out and give to Mums neurologist.
In it it gives current evidence of recent findings.
The drug has now woken patients who are not only in pesistant vegitatve states but it has also helped those who have had Strokes, brain damage from near drowning, Hypoxia cardiac arrest, dementia, Bells palsy, Cerebellar Ataxia and Auditory Impairment.
The youngest respondant has been 2 years old and the oldest has been 80 years old. The report also says that some patients injured at birth have responded when in their twenties or thirties.
So, i have forwarded all this to my sister who has printed it out ready for when Mums Neurologist comes back into town
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19th march 2008
My two aunts arrive from England next week (Mums sisters).
They are coming to make sure Nan is doing alright and also to see Mum.
One of them said some hurtful things in England about Mum. Things like "she would of been better off dying on the side of the road" "She would rather be dead then be like this".
And worst of all, she used to say those things in front of Mum.
-----------------------------------------
28th march 2008
Well i spent most of last night on the phone with my Dad trying to calm him down and then with my sister trying to stop her crying.
Apparently my Aunts arrived Wednesday night.
Dad thought they might go up and see Mum today so he had Mum all dressed and tidied up.
He waited all day but they didnt come so he thought they must of had bad jet lag.
He rang Nan last night and asked how they were and she said she and them had been on a bus trip to have lunch at Ballimore ( a carpy tiny town), then they spent the afternoon in Dubbo shopping.
Dad asked why didnt they come see Mum and Nan said, "Well, we never said we would and we went on the bus trip instead"
Dad is furious, sad, upset, and peed off.
My sister is really disappointed and really angry at Nan.
Me, well i suspect Nan is going to hold the fact she paid for my Aunts trip over their heads the whole time they are here (eg: You have to come where i want to go as i paid for you to get here) and i doubt they will get to see Mum much at all.
Or maybe, they dont really give a toss if they see Mum anyway and would rather go eat a carpy pub counter lunch at Ballimore Pub.
Im just disappointed
But as my hubby said " If you dont expect anything off of people like that, then you dont get disappointed when you get nothing".
I guess its hard to except that Mums own Mum and sisters dont seem to love her enough to bother to go see her
And im not willing to make allowances for Nans age, emotions etc anymore as an excuse for how she is.
Its not good enough.
The truth is she is a selfish old cow who thinks the world should revolve around her.
Since Mum has been back in Aust, Nan would only of been up to see her, at most, 10 times and then she only stays for about 1/2 hour.
Ive had it with her and so has my sister.
And my Aunts, how can they not of wanted to go up to her ysterday? They were a 5 minute taxi ride from her and they didnt bother.
It makes no sense to me. Its broken my heart that my Mum loves them all so much and they dont seem to have the love or time to bother with her.
Well Mum has been fighting a bad chest and urine infection for a few days.
It has made her very sleepy and non responsive.
I heard back from the Doctor in the UK involved in the coma awakenings drug (Stilnox) trial.
I had sent him a copy of Mum neurologist report so he could read what stage Mum is at. In the report, the Neurologist had also said he didnt think that Stilnox would not suit Mum as she wasnt in a deep coma.
The UK Doctor has sent me a huge report to print out and give to Mums neurologist.
In it it gives current evidence of recent findings.
The drug has now woken patients who are not only in pesistant vegitatve states but it has also helped those who have had Strokes, brain damage from near drowning, Hypoxia cardiac arrest, dementia, Bells palsy, Cerebellar Ataxia and Auditory Impairment.
The youngest respondant has been 2 years old and the oldest has been 80 years old. The report also says that some patients injured at birth have responded when in their twenties or thirties.
So, i have forwarded all this to my sister who has printed it out ready for when Mums Neurologist comes back into town
-----------------------------------------------------------
19th march 2008
My two aunts arrive from England next week (Mums sisters).
They are coming to make sure Nan is doing alright and also to see Mum.
One of them said some hurtful things in England about Mum. Things like "she would of been better off dying on the side of the road" "She would rather be dead then be like this".
And worst of all, she used to say those things in front of Mum.
-----------------------------------------
28th march 2008
Well i spent most of last night on the phone with my Dad trying to calm him down and then with my sister trying to stop her crying.
Apparently my Aunts arrived Wednesday night.
Dad thought they might go up and see Mum today so he had Mum all dressed and tidied up.
He waited all day but they didnt come so he thought they must of had bad jet lag.
He rang Nan last night and asked how they were and she said she and them had been on a bus trip to have lunch at Ballimore ( a carpy tiny town), then they spent the afternoon in Dubbo shopping.
Dad asked why didnt they come see Mum and Nan said, "Well, we never said we would and we went on the bus trip instead"
Dad is furious, sad, upset, and peed off.
My sister is really disappointed and really angry at Nan.
Me, well i suspect Nan is going to hold the fact she paid for my Aunts trip over their heads the whole time they are here (eg: You have to come where i want to go as i paid for you to get here) and i doubt they will get to see Mum much at all.
Or maybe, they dont really give a toss if they see Mum anyway and would rather go eat a carpy pub counter lunch at Ballimore Pub.
Im just disappointed
But as my hubby said " If you dont expect anything off of people like that, then you dont get disappointed when you get nothing".
I guess its hard to except that Mums own Mum and sisters dont seem to love her enough to bother to go see her
And im not willing to make allowances for Nans age, emotions etc anymore as an excuse for how she is.
Its not good enough.
The truth is she is a selfish old cow who thinks the world should revolve around her.
Since Mum has been back in Aust, Nan would only of been up to see her, at most, 10 times and then she only stays for about 1/2 hour.
Ive had it with her and so has my sister.
And my Aunts, how can they not of wanted to go up to her ysterday? They were a 5 minute taxi ride from her and they didnt bother.
It makes no sense to me. Its broken my heart that my Mum loves them all so much and they dont seem to have the love or time to bother with her.
28th march 2008
Nan and my Aunts had coffee out the front of the cafe next door to my sisters work. They then stopped and looked out the front of another shop across the way from my sisters shop.
They didnt look into my sister, they didnt go in and see her.
I dont understand any of this
My Nan has either decided not to bother to even tell my Aunts that my sister works there or the 3 of them have decided to not bother with her.
Ive just tried ringing my Nans flat and find out what the flip is going on but there is no answer. Maybe they are up with Mum?
I will say this, if, when i ring Nan tonight, she has not taken them to see Mum today and she gives me some carp reason for not bothering to go in and see my sister, i will tell here that while my Aunts are here, she should sell of her stuff, pack her bags and go back to the UK with them as we dont need or want her here anymore.
Im hurting so much inside right now
i feel like i want to punch something
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29th march 2008
I talked to Dad last night.
He said my Nan and Aunts came up to see Mum right in the middle of sing a long time (all the patients in a room with entertainment on stage). Nan yelled in her usual loud, over bearing voice "VAL, LOOK WHOS HERE. LOOK WHO IVE BROUGHT OVER TO SEE YOU"
The whole room heard her and turned (which Nan would of loved).
Dad told her to shhh, as did one of my Aunts (Aunt T) but Nan yelled again
"I DONT HAVE TO SHHH. IVE BROUGHT HER SISTERS UP TO SEE HER"
To which dad replied with "Well if they stay for a couple of hours it will be longer than youve seen her for 3 months"
Nan then yelled "I come up here all the time and see her and stay for ages" so Dad called her a liar (Dont forget all this is going on in the sing a long room).
My Aunt then yelled at Dad "Dont you call my Mum a liar"
So Dad said "I'll not only call her a liar. I'll call her a fat, selfish lying cow"
So which my aunt (Aunt S ,who has quite a mouth on her)replied with "Well i'll call you a **insert words that cannot be posted on here and i wouldnt write them even if i could**" and she stormed out.
My Nan then sat down and watched the rest of the sing a long and my Aunt T just stood in shock.
After, Dad sad he was going to the bank and he asked my Aunt T if she could stay with Mum while he was gone and she said of course they would.
When Dad came back all had calmed and my Aunt S started asking Dad some questions about Mum.
As they were leaving Dad said they were welcome to come up whenever they wanted and it would be great if they did as he had days he had things to do and he would like them to be with Mum while he did them. Both Aunts said yes.
My Nan however, said to Dad and Mum as she was leaving "Well, i shall see you again the same time next week"
My Aunts heard her and looked at eachother confused.
It wont take long for them to see what shes like and to realise that all she tells them about her going up to sit with Mum is lies
Nan and my Aunts had coffee out the front of the cafe next door to my sisters work. They then stopped and looked out the front of another shop across the way from my sisters shop.
They didnt look into my sister, they didnt go in and see her.
I dont understand any of this
My Nan has either decided not to bother to even tell my Aunts that my sister works there or the 3 of them have decided to not bother with her.
Ive just tried ringing my Nans flat and find out what the flip is going on but there is no answer. Maybe they are up with Mum?
I will say this, if, when i ring Nan tonight, she has not taken them to see Mum today and she gives me some carp reason for not bothering to go in and see my sister, i will tell here that while my Aunts are here, she should sell of her stuff, pack her bags and go back to the UK with them as we dont need or want her here anymore.
Im hurting so much inside right now
i feel like i want to punch something
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29th march 2008
I talked to Dad last night.
He said my Nan and Aunts came up to see Mum right in the middle of sing a long time (all the patients in a room with entertainment on stage). Nan yelled in her usual loud, over bearing voice "VAL, LOOK WHOS HERE. LOOK WHO IVE BROUGHT OVER TO SEE YOU"
The whole room heard her and turned (which Nan would of loved).
Dad told her to shhh, as did one of my Aunts (Aunt T) but Nan yelled again
"I DONT HAVE TO SHHH. IVE BROUGHT HER SISTERS UP TO SEE HER"
To which dad replied with "Well if they stay for a couple of hours it will be longer than youve seen her for 3 months"
Nan then yelled "I come up here all the time and see her and stay for ages" so Dad called her a liar (Dont forget all this is going on in the sing a long room).
My Aunt then yelled at Dad "Dont you call my Mum a liar"
So Dad said "I'll not only call her a liar. I'll call her a fat, selfish lying cow"
So which my aunt (Aunt S ,who has quite a mouth on her)replied with "Well i'll call you a **insert words that cannot be posted on here and i wouldnt write them even if i could**" and she stormed out.
My Nan then sat down and watched the rest of the sing a long and my Aunt T just stood in shock.
After, Dad sad he was going to the bank and he asked my Aunt T if she could stay with Mum while he was gone and she said of course they would.
When Dad came back all had calmed and my Aunt S started asking Dad some questions about Mum.
As they were leaving Dad said they were welcome to come up whenever they wanted and it would be great if they did as he had days he had things to do and he would like them to be with Mum while he did them. Both Aunts said yes.
My Nan however, said to Dad and Mum as she was leaving "Well, i shall see you again the same time next week"
My Aunts heard her and looked at eachother confused.
It wont take long for them to see what shes like and to realise that all she tells them about her going up to sit with Mum is lies
31st march 2008
hi everyone,
My uncle rang me from England over the weekend. He had spoken to my Aunts who are over here.
They had told him a "different" version to what had gone on in the sing a long room...LOL
But he did want to share with me what their thoughts on Mum were.
They both were amazed by her progress.
They said they were telling stories of what they all got up to when they were kids and that Mum was laughing.
They were reaaly pleased with the place shes staying.
So thats something good.
On Saturday night, Dad and i talked about the Stilnox drug trial. He had brought it up with Mums doctor, but the Doc still thinks it wouldnt suit Mums condition. Thing is, there doesnt seem to be anyone who can give Mums condition a name.
The point is there are parts of Mums brain that are not switched on and stilnox is waking parts up.
Dad got stressed about it and said he is happy how Mum is and he worries giving her the drug will set her back.
But, would Mum be happy how Mum is?
I know Mum, if she could talk, would be telling us to give her the drug.
She would not want to be like this and she would want to try it.
I know its hard for Dad. Mum is at a stage that he feels he kinda has part of his wife back and he doent want to loose that, but, we cant just be happy with this.
Sure, if the drug doesnt work, then at least we can say we tried it and we can accept that this is the Mum we now have.
But i cant accept that until I have tried everything to help her.
I guess Dad is being selfish cause he doesnt want to risk losing what Mum is now and i am being selfish because i want more from Mum.
But the drug wont hurt her. It wont set her back at all.
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9th April 2008
Can i just let everyone know.....those that send me emails of help, support, friendship etc.....your emails are so very very important to me.
I may not answer them all as i sometimes just dont know what to say individually and find it easier to post everything on this thread, but please know how much all the emails have helped me and mean so much to me.
I cry when i get each of them because im just so overwhelmed by the amount of love, help, support that has been given to my family.
On the 4th of June it will be a year since the accident. The days dont get any easier. I think it actually gets harder each day.
Im such a different person now. I'm just so sad all the time but i try to put on a happy face as much as i can, for my kids and my husband.
This place has kept me going at times when i was ready to give up.
You have all given me so much strengh.
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Amy xx
hi everyone,
My uncle rang me from England over the weekend. He had spoken to my Aunts who are over here.
They had told him a "different" version to what had gone on in the sing a long room...LOL
But he did want to share with me what their thoughts on Mum were.
They both were amazed by her progress.
They said they were telling stories of what they all got up to when they were kids and that Mum was laughing.
They were reaaly pleased with the place shes staying.
So thats something good.
On Saturday night, Dad and i talked about the Stilnox drug trial. He had brought it up with Mums doctor, but the Doc still thinks it wouldnt suit Mums condition. Thing is, there doesnt seem to be anyone who can give Mums condition a name.
The point is there are parts of Mums brain that are not switched on and stilnox is waking parts up.
Dad got stressed about it and said he is happy how Mum is and he worries giving her the drug will set her back.
But, would Mum be happy how Mum is?
I know Mum, if she could talk, would be telling us to give her the drug.
She would not want to be like this and she would want to try it.
I know its hard for Dad. Mum is at a stage that he feels he kinda has part of his wife back and he doent want to loose that, but, we cant just be happy with this.
Sure, if the drug doesnt work, then at least we can say we tried it and we can accept that this is the Mum we now have.
But i cant accept that until I have tried everything to help her.
I guess Dad is being selfish cause he doesnt want to risk losing what Mum is now and i am being selfish because i want more from Mum.
But the drug wont hurt her. It wont set her back at all.
---------------------------------------------------------------
9th April 2008
Can i just let everyone know.....those that send me emails of help, support, friendship etc.....your emails are so very very important to me.
I may not answer them all as i sometimes just dont know what to say individually and find it easier to post everything on this thread, but please know how much all the emails have helped me and mean so much to me.
I cry when i get each of them because im just so overwhelmed by the amount of love, help, support that has been given to my family.
On the 4th of June it will be a year since the accident. The days dont get any easier. I think it actually gets harder each day.
Im such a different person now. I'm just so sad all the time but i try to put on a happy face as much as i can, for my kids and my husband.
This place has kept me going at times when i was ready to give up.
You have all given me so much strengh.
I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Amy xx
11th april 2008
Spoke to my Dad and my sister last night.
Mum seems to be getting over her chest infection.
Her personality seems to have changed. She laughs at things she wouldnt normally find funny eg, apparently she thinks my brother in law is hilarious whereas before she didnt really find him funny at all (she wasnt keen on him).
She also now seems to love watching Horror movies, yet before she couldnt even handle watching 'Supernatural' on TV.
My sister is really excited about me coming. Shes going to take 3 days off work while im there. This is good cause in the past, we didnt even bother to catch up with eachother.
------------------------------------------------
18th april 2008
Talked to Dad last night and then rang my sister because Dad seemed a little odd.
My sister thinks he has stopped taking some of his medication but he wont talk to her about it.
She said he getting very easily stressed and agitated.
When i was on the phone with him he asked if i was going to take Miss 7 to see Mum. I said No, i dont think she could cope with it and he got a bit angry.
He said "What if your Mum wants to see her?"
I said "Dad, we have no idea if Mum would want to see her"
He said "I'll ask her and if she acnowledges, then you should take her up."
I told him Miss 7 has already said she doesnt want to see Nan sick and he said "Well she doesnt have a choice if her Nan wants to see her"
I know 100% that Mum would not want Breanna to see her like that. I know it.
I also know Breanna is to emotional to handle seeing her Nan like that.
As much as i love my Mum, I have to think of Breanna first.
This would be too much for her.
Her last memory of her Nan was when we were in Dubbo last May and Nan took her to feed the fish at the Japanese Gardens. Its a good, fun memory.
I dont want to fight with dad about this, but i cant take her up.
My sister also said not to take her up.
My sister had lunch with my Aunts on Saturday. She was going to take them up to Mum but they said they didnt want to go. They said its to hard and upsetting for them to see their sister like that. They did say though, that thats not the reason Nan doesnt go up there. They said Nan doesnt go up cause she thinks she just doesnt have the time. Nan also tells them she thinks Mum will get 100% back to normal this year and be able to look after her again.
My 18 year old nephew also rarely goes up to see Mum. Mum and he were very close. My sister says he just cant cope with it.
All this got to me last night and i kinda flipped out in anger. Saying to hubby i was going to go back and tell them all (My Aunts, my Nan, my nephew) how angry i was at all of them. How dare they ignore Mum. How can they be so mean and selfish?
But my hubby calmed me down. He says how can i tell people how to cope with this situation?
Forgetting my Nan cause she really is a mean selfish cow, but with my Aunts and my nephew....how can i tell them how they should feel and act?
I should understand that some people cant handle these situations.
I will try.
Its hard though. I just feel like....well friends can start to dwindle away, but family....well i feel family should just "suck it up" and deal with it.
I mean none of us like seeing Mum like this, but geez, if my dad and my sister didnt go everyday....then no one would be there. Its not fun for them. They dont enjoy it but they do it cause they love Mum.
Im not looking forward to seeing Mum like this. Im terrified but its just tough. Its my Mum, i love her and i will go be with her.
Dont her sisters and her nephew love her anymore?
Because Mums like this now and not the way she was...does that mean they can just forget her?
Gosh, i said earlier im trying to understand how they feel but the more i type tha angrier i get again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY FEEL
AND IM FURIOUS AT THEM FOR NOT LOVING MY MUM ANYMORE
Spoke to my Dad and my sister last night.
Mum seems to be getting over her chest infection.
Her personality seems to have changed. She laughs at things she wouldnt normally find funny eg, apparently she thinks my brother in law is hilarious whereas before she didnt really find him funny at all (she wasnt keen on him).
She also now seems to love watching Horror movies, yet before she couldnt even handle watching 'Supernatural' on TV.
My sister is really excited about me coming. Shes going to take 3 days off work while im there. This is good cause in the past, we didnt even bother to catch up with eachother.
------------------------------------------------
18th april 2008
Talked to Dad last night and then rang my sister because Dad seemed a little odd.
My sister thinks he has stopped taking some of his medication but he wont talk to her about it.
She said he getting very easily stressed and agitated.
When i was on the phone with him he asked if i was going to take Miss 7 to see Mum. I said No, i dont think she could cope with it and he got a bit angry.
He said "What if your Mum wants to see her?"
I said "Dad, we have no idea if Mum would want to see her"
He said "I'll ask her and if she acnowledges, then you should take her up."
I told him Miss 7 has already said she doesnt want to see Nan sick and he said "Well she doesnt have a choice if her Nan wants to see her"
I know 100% that Mum would not want Breanna to see her like that. I know it.
I also know Breanna is to emotional to handle seeing her Nan like that.
As much as i love my Mum, I have to think of Breanna first.
This would be too much for her.
Her last memory of her Nan was when we were in Dubbo last May and Nan took her to feed the fish at the Japanese Gardens. Its a good, fun memory.
I dont want to fight with dad about this, but i cant take her up.
My sister also said not to take her up.
My sister had lunch with my Aunts on Saturday. She was going to take them up to Mum but they said they didnt want to go. They said its to hard and upsetting for them to see their sister like that. They did say though, that thats not the reason Nan doesnt go up there. They said Nan doesnt go up cause she thinks she just doesnt have the time. Nan also tells them she thinks Mum will get 100% back to normal this year and be able to look after her again.
My 18 year old nephew also rarely goes up to see Mum. Mum and he were very close. My sister says he just cant cope with it.
All this got to me last night and i kinda flipped out in anger. Saying to hubby i was going to go back and tell them all (My Aunts, my Nan, my nephew) how angry i was at all of them. How dare they ignore Mum. How can they be so mean and selfish?
But my hubby calmed me down. He says how can i tell people how to cope with this situation?
Forgetting my Nan cause she really is a mean selfish cow, but with my Aunts and my nephew....how can i tell them how they should feel and act?
I should understand that some people cant handle these situations.
I will try.
Its hard though. I just feel like....well friends can start to dwindle away, but family....well i feel family should just "suck it up" and deal with it.
I mean none of us like seeing Mum like this, but geez, if my dad and my sister didnt go everyday....then no one would be there. Its not fun for them. They dont enjoy it but they do it cause they love Mum.
Im not looking forward to seeing Mum like this. Im terrified but its just tough. Its my Mum, i love her and i will go be with her.
Dont her sisters and her nephew love her anymore?
Because Mums like this now and not the way she was...does that mean they can just forget her?
Gosh, i said earlier im trying to understand how they feel but the more i type tha angrier i get again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY FEEL
AND IM FURIOUS AT THEM FOR NOT LOVING MY MUM ANYMORE
jillz*sugar*and*spic.. (248)
Amyyour always allowed to write scrollers, none of us mind, we all feel your pain.....
you know your daughter best, you stick with your gut instinct on this one of not takings her in to see your mum, but on the other hand once your in Dubbo she may want to see her nan, is she shielded from all this that your going through, do you hide it from her? because I know that children are much more accepting and resiliant to all types of situations if it is fully explained to them....(just maybe hunney a councillor would benifit you all as a family)maybe just ask her if she would like to go visit her nan, and if she says yes, have an exit plan in place if it becomes to over whelming for her.
As for your other family members (Aunts & Nephew), not visiting their sister and Aunt, they do love her Amy, they are just preferring to remember her as they knew her before the accident, the mystery of how our mind works is exactly that 'a mystery', I couldn't go and visit my MIL or FIL when they were in hospital dying, I stated this to Carl, that I wanted to remember them as the last happy healthy time I saw them, not a sick and dying memory.......I figure its the easier road to travel, if you don't see it then its not happening!!
So if they don't go to visit, then she's not sick, she's not that person in that room, cause they aren't seeing her....
now you and your Dad and sis, face reality, because you do see her, visit her, talk to her.....you are dealing with the cold face of reality...and its hard, very hard, because for you not only are you dealing with your mums accident, your dealing with your Dads pain, your Sis's pain, your childrens's pain, your OH's pain, the fact that your a long distance away from your mum....and mostly your dealing with your pain.....
I say vent away, when ever you need to, we are here for you Amy, anytime cyber hugs to you (((((hugs)))))
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witches*wol (36)
Ignore (3386 of 4577) 13/04/2008 13:26 Report
Oh Amy sweetie I understand how upset you must be. Many member of my family stopped coming to see my mum when she was really sick, even before we knew she was dying. Sadly for many people they believe if they just ignore the situation it will go away and they wont have to deal with it.
It does not mean that they don't love your mum it just means that they do not for whatever reason have the strength, emotional fortitude, maturity or whatever it is to cope with her current situation and looking at it logically they are far enough removed from the situation not to "have" to deal with it. So many people said to me when I was nursing my mum "Oh I don't know how you cope" Like I had a bloody choice She was my mum and my best friend and I loved her more than anything. I could no more walk away from her when she was sick than fly. But people who aren't put into that situation really don't understand.
You know how they say "when the chips are down that's when you find out who your real friends are?" The same can be said for family - just because they are related by blood doesn't mean that they are going to come running when the "shiate hits the fan" many of them will still head in the other direction, bury their heads in the sand and pretend it's not happening.
Whatever happens Amy in the end you can't "Make" them want to see your mum and they will have to deal with the outcome of their decision. Don't waste your time and energy being angry at them. You need all the energy you have just to keep your family going and to look after yourself.
Regarding Miss 7 ~ You and only you can judge whether or not she is capable with dealing with seeing your mum. Your dad has no right to put pressure like that on you or Miss 7. I know he is hoping that Miss 7 will walk into the room and your mum will leap out of bed and give her a hug but reality says that isn't going to happen. There is a very good chance that your daughter will be traumatized by what she sees. So the only people who can make the call on whether or not she sees her grandma are you and her!
Upholding you in prayer ((((Amy)))) โฅโฅโฅ
Amyyour always allowed to write scrollers, none of us mind, we all feel your pain.....
you know your daughter best, you stick with your gut instinct on this one of not takings her in to see your mum, but on the other hand once your in Dubbo she may want to see her nan, is she shielded from all this that your going through, do you hide it from her? because I know that children are much more accepting and resiliant to all types of situations if it is fully explained to them....(just maybe hunney a councillor would benifit you all as a family)maybe just ask her if she would like to go visit her nan, and if she says yes, have an exit plan in place if it becomes to over whelming for her.
As for your other family members (Aunts & Nephew), not visiting their sister and Aunt, they do love her Amy, they are just preferring to remember her as they knew her before the accident, the mystery of how our mind works is exactly that 'a mystery', I couldn't go and visit my MIL or FIL when they were in hospital dying, I stated this to Carl, that I wanted to remember them as the last happy healthy time I saw them, not a sick and dying memory.......I figure its the easier road to travel, if you don't see it then its not happening!!
So if they don't go to visit, then she's not sick, she's not that person in that room, cause they aren't seeing her....
now you and your Dad and sis, face reality, because you do see her, visit her, talk to her.....you are dealing with the cold face of reality...and its hard, very hard, because for you not only are you dealing with your mums accident, your dealing with your Dads pain, your Sis's pain, your childrens's pain, your OH's pain, the fact that your a long distance away from your mum....and mostly your dealing with your pain.....
I say vent away, when ever you need to, we are here for you Amy, anytime cyber hugs to you (((((hugs)))))
---------------------------------------------------------
witches*wol (36)
Ignore (3386 of 4577) 13/04/2008 13:26 Report
Oh Amy sweetie I understand how upset you must be. Many member of my family stopped coming to see my mum when she was really sick, even before we knew she was dying. Sadly for many people they believe if they just ignore the situation it will go away and they wont have to deal with it.
It does not mean that they don't love your mum it just means that they do not for whatever reason have the strength, emotional fortitude, maturity or whatever it is to cope with her current situation and looking at it logically they are far enough removed from the situation not to "have" to deal with it. So many people said to me when I was nursing my mum "Oh I don't know how you cope" Like I had a bloody choice She was my mum and my best friend and I loved her more than anything. I could no more walk away from her when she was sick than fly. But people who aren't put into that situation really don't understand.
You know how they say "when the chips are down that's when you find out who your real friends are?" The same can be said for family - just because they are related by blood doesn't mean that they are going to come running when the "shiate hits the fan" many of them will still head in the other direction, bury their heads in the sand and pretend it's not happening.
Whatever happens Amy in the end you can't "Make" them want to see your mum and they will have to deal with the outcome of their decision. Don't waste your time and energy being angry at them. You need all the energy you have just to keep your family going and to look after yourself.
Regarding Miss 7 ~ You and only you can judge whether or not she is capable with dealing with seeing your mum. Your dad has no right to put pressure like that on you or Miss 7. I know he is hoping that Miss 7 will walk into the room and your mum will leap out of bed and give her a hug but reality says that isn't going to happen. There is a very good chance that your daughter will be traumatized by what she sees. So the only people who can make the call on whether or not she sees her grandma are you and her!
Upholding you in prayer ((((Amy)))) โฅโฅโฅ
17th april 2008
Can the thoughts of seeing my Mum in a few days make me physically ill?
Ive not been sleeping well at all and today i'm so exhausted and am throwing up
We had plans to leave on Saturday morning but now the alternator in my car is playing up so hubby may have to fix that on Saturday which means we dont leave till Sunday. So thats a day lost
I wanted to spend Friday stress free, doing a bit of packing but now ive got to take Mr 4 to a birthday party and then take both kids and do a couple of hours at work from 4pm till 6pm cause my boss has an appointment and didnt have any one else to ask to cover that shift.
I cant be sick else i cant go see Mum, but i dont think what ive got is catching. I really think im causing it
Am going to put a movie on for the kids now and have a nap. They know im not well and want me to get better.
----------------------------------------------------
20th april 2008
Hi everyone, well we left Adelaide later than i had hoped. Left at 5:30am so we arrived in Dubbo at 8:30pm.
By the time i dropped hubs and kids at inlaws, i got to Dads at 9:30pm and was exhausted.
The house looks the same as Mum had it just a bit dustier.
Im making a list of cleaning jobs i will do for dad while im here. Hes not very good at cleaning bathrooms so thats top of the list.
He has left this morning to go to see mum then go to bowls.
Im about to head round to my sisters than go with her up to Mum.
I feel sick again in the belly.
dad still want Breanna to go up to Mum. We had a "discussion" about it last night. I told him i would see how mum is first and then decide but if i decide no, he is not to get angry. He says hes confident i wont decide no.
He said he told mum i was coming but that my kids would not be coming and he says her eyes teared up.
I will try and get back on her tomorrow morning.
Foley, dad has the little note you sent right here next to his computerโฅ I love how you wrote ya'll
Today when i see Mum i will see all the cards that you all have sent her
love, Amy
Can the thoughts of seeing my Mum in a few days make me physically ill?
Ive not been sleeping well at all and today i'm so exhausted and am throwing up
We had plans to leave on Saturday morning but now the alternator in my car is playing up so hubby may have to fix that on Saturday which means we dont leave till Sunday. So thats a day lost
I wanted to spend Friday stress free, doing a bit of packing but now ive got to take Mr 4 to a birthday party and then take both kids and do a couple of hours at work from 4pm till 6pm cause my boss has an appointment and didnt have any one else to ask to cover that shift.
I cant be sick else i cant go see Mum, but i dont think what ive got is catching. I really think im causing it
Am going to put a movie on for the kids now and have a nap. They know im not well and want me to get better.
----------------------------------------------------
20th april 2008
Hi everyone, well we left Adelaide later than i had hoped. Left at 5:30am so we arrived in Dubbo at 8:30pm.
By the time i dropped hubs and kids at inlaws, i got to Dads at 9:30pm and was exhausted.
The house looks the same as Mum had it just a bit dustier.
Im making a list of cleaning jobs i will do for dad while im here. Hes not very good at cleaning bathrooms so thats top of the list.
He has left this morning to go to see mum then go to bowls.
Im about to head round to my sisters than go with her up to Mum.
I feel sick again in the belly.
dad still want Breanna to go up to Mum. We had a "discussion" about it last night. I told him i would see how mum is first and then decide but if i decide no, he is not to get angry. He says hes confident i wont decide no.
He said he told mum i was coming but that my kids would not be coming and he says her eyes teared up.
I will try and get back on her tomorrow morning.
Foley, dad has the little note you sent right here next to his computerโฅ I love how you wrote ya'll
Today when i see Mum i will see all the cards that you all have sent her
love, Amy
21 april 2008
Hi everyone,
When i walked in Mums room yesterday morning, i am 100% positive she knew exactly who i was. She saw me come in and her eyes followed me to the side of her bed and her mouth was moving as though she was trying to talk. She seemed a bit upset when she saw me but upset in a happy kind of way.
As i talked to her, her eyes were focused completely on me and i KNOW she knew exactly what i was saying.
My sister was even shocked by how Mum was reacting and how much she was trying to talk.
Within half an hour we had her laughing and that was great to hear and see.
She laughs at funny things people say and she laughs at funny things on TV. I'll be honest though and say that although its a definate laugh....it's not my Mums laugh. It's different.
Mum can slowly turn her head and even tries to lift her head off the pillow.
Just before lunch my niece and her boyfriend came up and we all had Mum in hysterics talking about funny memories from when my niece was little (she turns 17 this Wednesday).
Dad came back up for his lunch at lunchtime so then me and my sister went across to the shopping centre to get ourselves some lunch and we met my nephew there.
Then back over to Mum, dad went back to Bowls and we stayed with Mum till about 4:30pm.
Regarding Miss 7 going to see Mum.......i have to say no.
Sure Mum has improved but there isnt enough for Breanna to be able to really see her Nan there. Mum sometimes holds her face in non natural positions. She wheezes and coughs and it sounds quite frightening. Her laugh, as i said, is not a Nan laugh. And she has something wrong with her right hand and arm. It doent sit right or look right. Sure, these are not major things, but to a 7 year old girl, these are the things she will see and stare at and remember...and i think it will scare her. In fact i know it will scare her.
Then, in the future, if mum makes more improvements, i will have a hard time getting Breanna to go see her as she will just have an image of a scary person that looks a lot like Nan in her head. I dont want my Mum to be a scary image in my daughters head.
I talked to Mum about some of this. I said to her that i talk about her to the kids all the time and we have pictures of her around the house, but i dont think its the right time to bring Breanna up to see her yet. Mum was looking at me the whole time i was talking about it and yes, she did get upset. But, unlike Dad who thinks she got upset because she wants to see her grandaughter, my sister and i think she got upset because she knew it wasnt right to bring Breanna up to her. Of course she would love to see her but i know Mum thinks im a great Mum and i know Mum knows that i would do the right thing for my kids and i know Mum would trust my judgement that it is not the right time.
Dad, on the other hand, finds it hard to think of me as a Mum. He talks to me like im still a child. Hes never really shown any interest in his grand kids. Thats not anything im upset about it's just the way Dad is. He loves them......at a distance...lol.
And in this case, in his being so adament that Breanna should go to Mum.....well, again, he's not thinking of how Breanna would cope with it at all.
The place Mum is staying is brilliant. Her room is so lovely and cozy and the nurses are great. Im very happy where she is.
On Tuesday i hope to meet Mums doctor and have a chat to her. I want to give her a DVD of the Stilnox drug trial that i have. I want to get the phone number/email addy of Mums neurologist as well.
Im about to go get dressed now and then head up to Mum for the morning. Im also going to try and track down Mums sisters today.
Can you believe they told Mum last Friday that they wouldnt be able to go see her this week as, due to Anzac Day on Friday, there will be no public transport. What the flip is wrong with the other 6 days of the week is a mystery to me. They leave soon to go back to the UK. So today, im going to try and find them and take them up to Mum myself.
Will pop on again in a day or two.
Amy xx
Hi everyone,
When i walked in Mums room yesterday morning, i am 100% positive she knew exactly who i was. She saw me come in and her eyes followed me to the side of her bed and her mouth was moving as though she was trying to talk. She seemed a bit upset when she saw me but upset in a happy kind of way.
As i talked to her, her eyes were focused completely on me and i KNOW she knew exactly what i was saying.
My sister was even shocked by how Mum was reacting and how much she was trying to talk.
Within half an hour we had her laughing and that was great to hear and see.
She laughs at funny things people say and she laughs at funny things on TV. I'll be honest though and say that although its a definate laugh....it's not my Mums laugh. It's different.
Mum can slowly turn her head and even tries to lift her head off the pillow.
Just before lunch my niece and her boyfriend came up and we all had Mum in hysterics talking about funny memories from when my niece was little (she turns 17 this Wednesday).
Dad came back up for his lunch at lunchtime so then me and my sister went across to the shopping centre to get ourselves some lunch and we met my nephew there.
Then back over to Mum, dad went back to Bowls and we stayed with Mum till about 4:30pm.
Regarding Miss 7 going to see Mum.......i have to say no.
Sure Mum has improved but there isnt enough for Breanna to be able to really see her Nan there. Mum sometimes holds her face in non natural positions. She wheezes and coughs and it sounds quite frightening. Her laugh, as i said, is not a Nan laugh. And she has something wrong with her right hand and arm. It doent sit right or look right. Sure, these are not major things, but to a 7 year old girl, these are the things she will see and stare at and remember...and i think it will scare her. In fact i know it will scare her.
Then, in the future, if mum makes more improvements, i will have a hard time getting Breanna to go see her as she will just have an image of a scary person that looks a lot like Nan in her head. I dont want my Mum to be a scary image in my daughters head.
I talked to Mum about some of this. I said to her that i talk about her to the kids all the time and we have pictures of her around the house, but i dont think its the right time to bring Breanna up to see her yet. Mum was looking at me the whole time i was talking about it and yes, she did get upset. But, unlike Dad who thinks she got upset because she wants to see her grandaughter, my sister and i think she got upset because she knew it wasnt right to bring Breanna up to her. Of course she would love to see her but i know Mum thinks im a great Mum and i know Mum knows that i would do the right thing for my kids and i know Mum would trust my judgement that it is not the right time.
Dad, on the other hand, finds it hard to think of me as a Mum. He talks to me like im still a child. Hes never really shown any interest in his grand kids. Thats not anything im upset about it's just the way Dad is. He loves them......at a distance...lol.
And in this case, in his being so adament that Breanna should go to Mum.....well, again, he's not thinking of how Breanna would cope with it at all.
The place Mum is staying is brilliant. Her room is so lovely and cozy and the nurses are great. Im very happy where she is.
On Tuesday i hope to meet Mums doctor and have a chat to her. I want to give her a DVD of the Stilnox drug trial that i have. I want to get the phone number/email addy of Mums neurologist as well.
Im about to go get dressed now and then head up to Mum for the morning. Im also going to try and track down Mums sisters today.
Can you believe they told Mum last Friday that they wouldnt be able to go see her this week as, due to Anzac Day on Friday, there will be no public transport. What the flip is wrong with the other 6 days of the week is a mystery to me. They leave soon to go back to the UK. So today, im going to try and find them and take them up to Mum myself.
Will pop on again in a day or two.
Amy xx
23rd april 2008
Hi all, things are going well with dad.
He accepted my decision about Breanna and tonight hubs is bringing the kids over to have Kentucky with me and Dad.
Mum is doing well. Tomorrow i am alone with her while dad bowls. I did meet up with the sisters today and took them up to Mum. They are not the trouble. Ive found out its basically all my Nan hogging them and not letting them do anythig without her.
On Saturday, my sister, my niece, my 2 aunts, my 2 kids and myself are going to the Dubbo Show
There has been some funny stuff going on with Mums doctor and neurologist and i am getting to the bottom of it. Dad and Mum saw a neurologist in December and were told he would re assess Mum in 3 months. Mums Doctor has been saying she has been in regular contact with Mums neurologist and he is against the Stilnox drug trial and will be coming to Dubbo again soon.
Today i found out Mums neurologist quit in December and so Mum has had no neurologist since then.
Well today i have sorted out a new neurologist for Mum who will be coming up from Sydney next Tuesday and will see Mum and take her on as a patient. Unfortunately i'll be gone by then but a note has been put in her file for the neurologist to get into contact with me so i can discuss the stilnox trial with her.
Why are Doctors lying to us? They may be happy for Mum to just carry on the way she is and see no specialists regularly....but im certainly damn well not.
I'm onto this and im going to get it all sorted out.
Better go do some more dusting for the night.
Bathrooms are scrubbed and cleaned. Now im just dusting Mums 1000+ owl collection
------------------------------------------------------
25th april 2008
Hi everyone, this will be my last post before we head home.
Tomorrow afternoon i will pack my bags, say goodbye to Mum and Dad and head to my inlaws for the night before leaving at dawn on sunday.
Im sad when i think about leaving Mum. Its not going to be easy but i know ive done some good things while ive been here.
Dad and I got on fine and i did a lot for him around the house.
Neurologist appointments have been made.
Doctor has been spoken to.
Nurses have been spoken to.
Ive had a good time with my sister and her family as well.
But, it will be hard to say goodbye.
Im sitting here crying just thinking about it.
So, i'll talk to you all when i get home.
Amy xx
Hi all, things are going well with dad.
He accepted my decision about Breanna and tonight hubs is bringing the kids over to have Kentucky with me and Dad.
Mum is doing well. Tomorrow i am alone with her while dad bowls. I did meet up with the sisters today and took them up to Mum. They are not the trouble. Ive found out its basically all my Nan hogging them and not letting them do anythig without her.
On Saturday, my sister, my niece, my 2 aunts, my 2 kids and myself are going to the Dubbo Show
There has been some funny stuff going on with Mums doctor and neurologist and i am getting to the bottom of it. Dad and Mum saw a neurologist in December and were told he would re assess Mum in 3 months. Mums Doctor has been saying she has been in regular contact with Mums neurologist and he is against the Stilnox drug trial and will be coming to Dubbo again soon.
Today i found out Mums neurologist quit in December and so Mum has had no neurologist since then.
Well today i have sorted out a new neurologist for Mum who will be coming up from Sydney next Tuesday and will see Mum and take her on as a patient. Unfortunately i'll be gone by then but a note has been put in her file for the neurologist to get into contact with me so i can discuss the stilnox trial with her.
Why are Doctors lying to us? They may be happy for Mum to just carry on the way she is and see no specialists regularly....but im certainly damn well not.
I'm onto this and im going to get it all sorted out.
Better go do some more dusting for the night.
Bathrooms are scrubbed and cleaned. Now im just dusting Mums 1000+ owl collection
------------------------------------------------------
25th april 2008
Hi everyone, this will be my last post before we head home.
Tomorrow afternoon i will pack my bags, say goodbye to Mum and Dad and head to my inlaws for the night before leaving at dawn on sunday.
Im sad when i think about leaving Mum. Its not going to be easy but i know ive done some good things while ive been here.
Dad and I got on fine and i did a lot for him around the house.
Neurologist appointments have been made.
Doctor has been spoken to.
Nurses have been spoken to.
Ive had a good time with my sister and her family as well.
But, it will be hard to say goodbye.
Im sitting here crying just thinking about it.
So, i'll talk to you all when i get home.
Amy xx
